The Many Faces of Facebook

Melissa hopes the weather is nice for her entire month-long vacation in Aruba!

Joseph thinks that even a broken clock is right two times a day.
Have you noticed habitual status updaters on Facebook tend to have distinct personalities? Check out the following personalities and ask yourself if he/she is one (or more) of your habitual status updaters*.
*Note - for purposes of this article I have alternated between Mr./Mrs., he/she, etc. simply for ease of reading - of course, these personalities are unisex.

Ms. Whogivesash**:
This person is someone who loves to update her status but never has anything interesting to say. An example would be, "Jennifer is looking forward to the weekend!" or "Jennifer had a good night sleep last night!" Great, Jen - who gives a sh**?

Mr. Clever Philosopher:
This person is always posting what he thinks are clever philosophical statements that pertain to his everyday life. For example, "He who drinks hot coffee while driving to work risks getting burned and staining one's pants." Thanks Confucius, we get it - you're a klutz.

Ms. GFY:
This gal is typically wealthy, and loves to, in her own not-so-subtle way, let you know how much better her life is than yours. An example would be a status update at 10am on a Wednesday such as "Linda is off to get a manicure and a pedicure, and then it's off to the mall!" Or "It's Friday, so Linda is off to her house in the Hamptons!" Hey Linda - GFY.

Mr. Comedian:
Two words: not funny. This guy thinks he's hysterical but in fact he's quite the opposite. Thankfully for him, on Facebook he never hears the crickets. He usually tries to make jokes based on current events. ie., "Can you believe Bernie Madoff made-off with all that money!" The only thing sadder than Mr. Comedian is Mr. Comedian's friend who comments with his own terrible joke, ie. "Yeah, he really BERN'd those people!" Oy...

Ms. Parenthood:
Okay - we get it. You have a kid(s). As much as you think everyone wants to hear about little Jimmy's first poop on the potty or little Suzy's great time at the zoo, they really don't. Save it for a direct e-mail to Grandma and Grandpa - cuz they're probably the only ones who really care.

Mr. Politics:
This guy is either a crazy, right wing conservative or a tree-hugging, left wing liberal. Every post is politically based. Whether you agree with him or emphatically disagree with him, he is downright annoying. Hey - didn't anyone teach this guy that if you want to keep friends, don't discuss religion or politics? Obviously not.

Ms. Should-be-on-Twitter-not-Facebook
The name says it all. 8:00am "Tina is waiting for her bus - gosh, can this thing ever be on time??" 8:15am "Tina is FINALLY on the bus. I'm gonna be sooooo late to work!" 8:30am "Tina is STUCK IN TRAFFIC!!! ARGGHH!!" Hey, Tina - shut up.

Mr. Inappropriate:
This person has no regard for the fact that your trying-to-be-hip, 60 year-old Aunt Shirley has gotten into Facebook and has friended you. While she loves to look at pictures of your wife and kids on your page, it's a shame and rather embarrassing that she has to see a post from this jerk once in awhile. Fortunately, you usually get a warning before you accept this person as a friend since his profile pic is typically a shot of him giving the finger or some other vulgar expression.

Ms. Small Business Lady:
She's always sending constant updates about her small business, which she typically runs out of her home office and which is most likely arts-and-crafts oriented, such as a tote bag designer. Sadly, her stuff is typically pretty ugly and you only feel badly for not buying any of it.

Mr. Self Promoter:
Similar to Mrs. Home Business Lady, he only sends updates to where he is and his "super cool" business will be (he is typically a D.J. or fashion designer). "Ladies night @ Zanza-bar tonight. D.J. Rock Steady spins the night away." Thanks for the invite, but not only is it a Wednesday and I have work tomorrow, Zanza-bar is in L.A. and I live in western Pennsylvania.

I suppose if there has to be a takeaway from this article, it's that Facebook can be fun - but there may just be a reason you lost touch with about 85% of the people in your life along the way!