Mama's Baby, Papa's Probably

Copyright (c) 2009 Lucille Uttermohlen

I can almost feel my ears blister. Tomorrow, I have a case in Judgipoo's court, and it is just the kind of thing that makes the wild life in the garden I imagine in his courtroom come alive. There will be plenty of steam for the plants, and the animals should have some tasty attorneys to nibble for lunch. Maybe the crocodiles will let us live. You know, professional courtesy and all.

About a month ago, I had a divorce set for a final hearing. It promised to be a typical case. The day before the divorce was supposed to be finalized, my client told me that she didn't think her husband was the father of her child. I filed a motion for a paternity test, and tomorrow, the guy will probably be officially the father of a bouncing baby three year old. He might be happy about it. He apparently knew that she had been less than faithful while he was on a state paid vacation. She is hoping the child is the result of another dalliance.

I say he is "probably" going to be declared the daddy with good reason. The lab test indicated that there was a 99% chance that hubby was also the daddy. However, the other suspect is hubby's half brother, and the lab announced that it would have to have his "DNA" to be sure. My client based her guess as to the daddy's identity on the times of the activity that must proceed such things. She said Daddy was in prison when the child was conceived, and that they weren't having the tenderest feelings towards each other at the time. However, she admitted that his stay in the gray bar hotel had only commenced about 2 weeks before half brother had a chance to donate his sperm to the proceedings, and they did have a good-bye ...

Anyway, Judgipoo won't be pleased. He is not patient with people who don't have the basics worked out before they come in front of him. He thinks the couple should decide where their kids should live and who will get what property and pay what debts before they ask him to intervene. It is true, as he points out, that he can't possibly learn in a couple of hours what happened in a marriage over a course of years.

I will also give him credit for being patient when the issue really does require his attention. I just don't think he'll be too happy that he'll have to choose between two possible fathers. That is one of those things that he will think the parties should have had settled ahead of time. Heads will roll. Maybe I'll wear a helmit. I wonder if crocodiles like their meat a little nervous.