Liz Cassidy, founder of Third Sigma International is an author, Speaker, Trainer and Executive and Performance Coach dedicated to facilitating results in the businesses, professional and personal lives of her clients. Third Sigma International is a Brisbane based Executive Coaching and Corporate Training business. Liz Cassidy publishes the popular 'Liz’s Hot Tips' weekly updates to entrepreneurs, managers, executives and business owners. For more information http://www.thirdsigma.com.au
So many times I see frustration on faces of people being interrupted.
I hear potentially useful channels of communication being shut down. All for the sake of getting a point across.
Don’t interrupt - again so simple and so obvious. We have all seen the couple who finish each others sentences because they are in tune. This is not what I am talking about.
Sometimes I hear people interrupt another’s sentence simply because the words sparked another thought which was so front of mind it just had to be spoken out loud. When we are truly listening to another person, we are showing so much interest in them that we only hear what they have to say, not the clamouring of our own over heated egos. We don’t interrupt.
Next time you are in a conversation and listening to someone, practise putting the tip of your tongue to the top of your mouth just where your front teeth meet the upper gum. Now hold your tongue there as if you are holding a crumb of bread in position until the other person has stopped talking. You won’t be able to interrupt. And in making sure your tongue is still, you will also quieten down the inner voice that is competing with the other person to be heard. Try it and let me know the difference it makes to your conversations
One of the biggest interruptions I hear is "yes BUT..."
Use AND instead of BUT. In our workshops we have a NO BUTS agreement. We even put the NO BUTS logo on the wall. When we are Butting on another person we immediately tell them that their opinion, thoughts and comments are not worthy of consideration. By default the underlying message is that if their input has no value, and then neither do they. Powerful stuff from one little word. Consider how you felt the last time you were Butted on, it wasn’t pretty was it?
So instead of Butting on someone, now practice Adding on them instead.
For example;
“I hear what you are saying, AND if I were to add my thoughts to yours, my perspective is……”
“You have an interesting point to make there, AND my experience/views on it are……”
By using AND you use more words; respectful words; thoughtful words; words that defuse instead of escalating; words that add and honour the other persons point of view; (which might just be more valid than yours, or mine).
Practice AND-ing on your colleagues, partners and family, see what a difference it makes to the response you get.
When you have practiced it out loud a little - try saying it to yourself for your own self talk as well. Now see what a difference it makes to you!
- Related Videos
- Related Articles
- Ask / Related Q&A
- Active Communication (Listening) Skills during Role Play
- 10 Tips to Improve Listening Skills
- Tip for Effective Communication
- 11 Unusual Tips for Great Listening Skills
- How to Communicate Better with Superior Listening Skills.
- How to Improve Your Listening Skills and be a Great Communicator
- Effective Communication Skills that Bring People Together
- What Did you Say? - Ways to Create Effective Listening Skills
Customer Relationship Management is a fast growing market in China
By: Bharat Book Bureau | 28/12/2009Bharatbook.com added a new report on "Customer Relationship Management (CRM) Market in China 2008-2012" forecasts the size of the Customer Relationship Management (CRM) market in China.
PPRA Tenders Pakistan – The Anomalies
By: Dr.Irfan Ahmad | 28/12/2009PPRA (The Public Procurement Regulatory Authority) is an autonomous body responsible for defining regulations and procedures for public procurements by Federal Government owned public sector in Pakistan .It also monitors procurement process by public sector agencies/organizations in order to improve governance, management, transparency, accountability and quality of public procurement of goods, works and services.
Learn How to Manage an Office Cleaning Business
By: Jeremy Gray | 28/12/2009Setting out to start your own office cleaning business is really something to look forward to. Being the boss of your own company provides a lot of perks and opportunities. But aside from the good things, there is also that challenge to succeed. If you are planning to open your own office business, below are valuable tips to keep you revved up and going:
Picking Apparel Displays That Stand Out
By: Tom Tran | 27/12/2009Clothing displays are important factors when you think about how to promote quality apparel in your shop. You can get a custom fashion fixture stand so you make the most of the appearance of your apparel according to the collection. Once you are able to create a nice display of your clothes, it will lure more buyers to check out your products and direct them to purchasing your clothes.
PPRA and the challenges in combating corruption
By: Dr.Irfan Ahmad | 27/12/2009Corruption in procurement is a serious issue in Pakistan. The formation of PPRA (Public Procurement Regulatory Authority) is the first sincere effort to take some control of the situation. The rules designed by PPRA provide a broad regulatory framework for transparent public sector procurements and are applicable to all public sector departments of central government. A strict compliance of these Rules can lead to a transparent and accountable process of procurements in public sector.
NNew Product Development Requires Fresh Perspective on ‘Creative’ and ‘Structure’
By: Robert F. Brands | 26/12/2009New product development can be a misunderstood concept. Is the “product” actually a product? Or can it be a process? Is it a mandate from the C Suite? Or can it be a suggestion from the factory floor, the retail showroom, the Idea Box or a customer tip?
How Good Clothing Racks Give a Better Shopping Experience
By: Tom Tran | 26/12/2009Clothes are one of the merchandise that people tend to buy most often. That is why it is wise for every store owner to think of innovative ways to display their apparel products to their customers. Using clothing displays to market your clothes has also come a long way in...
What is Automatic Data Capture?
By: Ray Feoli | 26/12/2009It's been called the "Supply Chain of the Future" and is being implemented by more companies to streamline business proficiencies every day. So although you may have heard of automatic data capture, you may be asking, "What exactly is it?" In this article, you will learn some of the main...
How to Improve Communications between Extraverts and Introverts using Myers Briggs
By: Liz Cassidy | 03/12/2009 | LeadershipCommunicating with Other Personalities can be a fun and rewarding experience or it can be an exercise in frustration and futility creating conflict and havoc. Using the Myers Briggs Type Indicator can make communicating with other personalities a lot simpler and creates a map forward out of potential confusion.
Developing Effective Communication Skills - Don't Interrupt
By: Liz Cassidy | 03/11/2009 | ManagementSo many times I see frustration on faces of people being interrupted. I hear potentially useful channels of communication being shut down. All for the sake of getting a point across. Don’t interrupt - again so simple and so obvious. We have all seen the couple who finish each others sentences because they are in tune. This is not what I am talking about.
Developing Effective Communication Skills - Listen
By: Liz Cassidy | 03/11/2009 | LeadershipI have long been an observer of people, and whenever I get the opportunity I also eavesdrop on their conversations. So if you see me hanging out in a coffee shop at the table next to you, be prepared for me to listen in! One of the things I love to listen to is how people just don’t listen to each other. They talk at, over and around each other but miss the deep in-the-moment opportunities which cement and advance relationships.
Passive Assertive or Aggressive – What’s the Difference?
By: Liz Cassidy | 02/10/2008 | Self HelpWe can define assertiveness by placing it on a continuum between passiveness and aggression and making a contrast with them.
Leading or Managing?
By: Liz Cassidy | 14/09/2008 | Leadershipt is too easy to forget that there are times to lead and times to manage, and it is too easy to slip into management mode when under stress. If you or your team are experiencing "people issues" look for this rule of thumb: Manage the processes and the procedures, but, Lead, guide & teach the people.
Facing Reality – Handling Disappointments
By: Liz Cassidy | 17/08/2008 | Goal SettingLike many of you I have been relishing the feats and records at the Beijing Olympics this last week. The results have been a Goal Setting 101 course on focus, action; repetition, and celebration.
Maybe Tomorrow?
By: Liz Cassidy | 03/08/2008 | CoachingWhat is your unique offering to your client base or to your organisation? How do you stand out from the masses?
Maximising your Communication When Replying to Emails
By: Liz Cassidy | 12/04/2006 | BusinessAnswering emails has the same importance as answering telephone messages. Usually an email may more usefully be replied to with a phone call rather than another email (think about that)