Ask Your Questions But Listen Carefully to the Answer

Once upon a time, I had the support of three excellent secretaries, all at the same time. Among other aspects of their work, each of these wonderful women ran a small office for which I had ultimate responsibility.

Periodically, Sheila, one of the secretaries, would say to me: “I have a stupid question”.

Invariably I would respond with “The only stupid questions are the ones that are not asked.” After indulging me with a small laugh, Sheila would describe whatever issue she was facing and I would help her answer her own question. I happen to believe that the answers to non-technical, subjective judgment calls are accessible to each of us. We just have to learn to trust our intuition and be open to new possibilities. But that is another issue for another time.

The issue at hand is the reluctance than many people experience regarding asking questions. Sheila demonstrated her reluctance by describing her questions as stupid. Other people mumble their questions, often following a comment like “I was wondering if…” Still others seem to disguise their questions as overly wordy statements.

I cannot understand this reluctance to ask questions. Perhaps it is because we do not want to appear foolish; we may believe that by asking questions others will think less of us. Ironically the reverse is probably true. Few factors are more disempowering than a fear of what other people think. On the other hand, clarifying issues and resolving misunderstandings through asking questions can be very empowering.

Here is an example of what I mean. In response to the article that I wrote for the June edition, Ibolya Gyorgy, a sales representative with Markham-based Sutton Group Heritage Brokerage Inc, sent me an email. In addition to telling me about her marketing plans, Ibolya asked about my dream home and “What about a Realtor will catch your trust/like/interest/respect to do business with?”

I thought that these were both good questions and was happy to answer them. (My answers were for Ibolya—if you want to know what my answers were, you will have to ask me.) I’d like to think this brief question/answer exchange resulted in a win-win scenario. In asking the questions, Ibolya was looking for information, which happily I was able to supply. And being able to help, I felt good.

Different people ask questions for different reasons. Lawyers for example, will ask questions to gather information when investigating a situation. However, when in court, they switch to asking questions to introduce evidence. They might even ask questions to embarrass individual witnesses, attempting to undermining their credibility and testimony. Similarly, some people ask questions to demonstrate another person’s ignorance or lack of knowledge. Presumably this approach allows the questioner the opportunity to position himself as a knowledgeable authority. And of course it is not uncommon for sales people to ask leading questions to get to the point that they can launch their sales pitches.

From a marketing perspective, the primary reason for asking to questions is to gather information. But it’s not just any information that you seek. You will need accurate and detailed information to find leads, qualify prospects and serve clients. If you don’t ask, you won’t know; if you don’t know you will probably make assumptions, which may or may not be accurate. This is definitely not the best way to build a successful business.

Without a doubt, it is important to ask appropriate questions to gather the information you need. But the process does not stop there. It is equally important to do what many people are not very good at: listen to the answers.

Effective listening starts with you, specifically with an open mind.

Because our brains process information much faster than words are spoken, we often think and do other things when other people are speaking. We solve other problems, think about our response to what we are hearing or plan other activities. This makes it difficult to pay full attention and to listen closely. Little things can be distracting. Instead of allowing the distraction, concentrate on what you are hearing. By carefully listening and letting people finish their thoughts, you avoid jumping to conclusions.

Reflecting on my three secretaries, I now realize that among the attributes they shared was being good listeners. Having listened carefully to what they heard from me or from clients, they usually knew the appropriate actions to take.

And if you need an example of asking questions to gather information, Ibolya’s approach worked well. You can’t go wrong using a direct approach to ask questions.

Now if only I can get my computer to listen as well as my secretaries did.

But wait…maybe that’s not such a good idea. A computer that can’t hear what I say to it makes a lot more sense.