A Woman’s Need for Self-respect

            In a survey conducted by Dr. James Dobson on the sources of depression in women, they listed low self-esteem as their most troubling problem. He observed that even in seemingly healthy and happily married young women, personal inferiority and self-doubt hurt the most and left the most wicked scars.

            Why are women suffering from depression due to feelings of low self-worth? The answer, at least in part, lies with the fact that the female role is under fire today. Women are told that if they devote themselves to homemaking they are worthless. More and more a woman’s worth is measured only in terms of her financial asset to the family and her contribution to the business world. Buffeted on every side by radio, television, magazines, newspapers, and movies, she begins to assume that if she isn’t a super or bionic woman, a news reporter, a physician, or policewoman, she is nothing. These options should be open for women today, but not at the expense of disparaging the role of wife, mother, and homemaker or of destroying self-esteem.

            A mother’s lack of self-respect will affect the home in many ways. First of all, she will pass it on to the children. They will see that she does not respect herself, and they will not respect her either and will unconsciously pick up tendencies toward a negative self-concept of themselves. It is impossible for a mother with a poor self-image to pass on to her children a healthy concept of themselves, and they will always be lacking in this area unless someone else with a good self-image heavily compensates for their lack.         

            Second, a low self-concept will affect a woman’s femininity. If she doesn’t have positive feelings about herself, she will most likely not enjoy being a female. Negative attitudes will take over. She may lament her lot in life, complain endlessly, and fight against adapting herself to her husband’s wishes. It is psychological truth that we cannot love others until we love ourselves first, and a wife can love her husband only in direct proportion to how well she feels about herself.

            Third, such negative feelings will affect the sex life. If a woman doesn’t have positive feelings about being female or doesn’t like the way she looks, she will not understand her husband’s sexual desires toward her. She may wear high-necked, long flannel nightgowns in an effort to hide what she considers a disgusting body. She may insist on undressing in the bathroom or making love in total darkness – calculated attempts to forget that she has a woman’s body.

            Fourth, a low self-concept affects one’s homemaking ability. Especially if a wife has attended college, she may begin to belittle herself because society is beginning to belittle homemaking. Guilt feelings may consume her because she always seems to stay behind in her work. She can scrub and clean all day and have the house spotless when hubby returns home, yet never feel satisfied with her efforts. She exhausts herself in pursuing endless tasks in an effort to prove that she has some worth.

            Little wonder that a woman needs respect from her husband for the way she meets her daily responsibilities. A man gains this respect through job promotions, pay raises, annual evaluations, bonuses, and praise. But a homemaker has no one from whom to get such encouragement except from her husband. The unhappiest women in the world are those who must drag through day after weary day with no understanding from their husbands of what it takes to run a home and to raise responsible children.