Arranged Marriages - Why The Guy And Girl Go Through The Pain Of Traditions

Arranged marriages are an integral part of the Indian culture which has been running through generations traditionally and still exists in today's modern western society where we are surrounded by options and choices.

Traditionally arranged marriages have been pre-approved relationships of a couple to come together.  Often these relationships would initiate through ancestors and/or deeps roots between two families.  The couple entering marriage would rarely be aware of the marital agreements which have taken place between two families, until the preparations of the marriage began.  Only then would they be made aware of each other's names, following which they would enter a life of marriage together to uphold the promises of ancestors and families.  After marriage they would learn about each other's lifestyles, likes and dislikes, habits, personality, the list goes on.  As a compromise to life they would learn to live happily with each other.  Attraction brings a couple closer which in today's society enables us to explore our interests in one another, this was not thought about traditionally.

Many believe that the concept behind arranged marriages is based on families strengthening their own relationships between the two families and practical reasons.  For example, level in society, assets, ancestor traditions, if families share a mutual interest in a chosen lifestyle, again the list is endless.

In today's modern society the concept of arranged marriages still exists to a degree. However it has been adapted to an extent in favour of the choices and options we thirst but still very much comply with the traditions we learn to accept from our background in Indian Culture.

Now, the potential couple (guy and girl) and their families of course are introduced by matchmakers, with high hopes that the two people would take a liking to each other and enter marriage.  It is a chance for two families to come together and explore their nature and learn of their lifestyles and decide whether or not they would like their son or daughter to be a part of that family.  The potential couple take this opportunity (a so called supervised date) to learn about each other in the presence of their parents and decide whether they are compatible, if they have anything in common, hobbies, interests and etc.  Obviously, in today's world we act on attraction, 'come on' we are unlikely to concentrate and make the effort if there was no attraction.  So, the couple would think about meeting again, whilst the families no doubt take a liking to each other because their interests are likely to be based on having a boogie and ask the couple to make their grandchildren because the age clock is ticking away for these things.  The point being that the traditional concept of arranged marriages is often pushed forward onto the couple who under some pressure decide to meet again.

Falling in love can be easy but often there can be conflict between the two families for many reasons.  Let's not mention the D word here - that's a big no! no!  Once a couple entered marriage, there was no option to welcome the D word into their lives, hence they continued compromising with life the way it began.  But now some of us who accept the arranged marriage route in our culture, stand up for ourselves and to some extent voice our preferences and choices.  Well that if you have the guts to do so. This is where the pain comes into the traditional arranged marriage concept.

There are often introductions which go well and others not so well.  But lets face it you can't find the perfect partner, unless of course you have done many good deeds in life and God decides to Bless you with happiness over and over again.  Conflict between families and the couple are likely to exist, I mean come on, this is Indian culture, 'everyone' is not suppose to be happy, someone always has a spanner in their hands ready to throw it when everything seems to be going just fine.  The pain is when the guy or the girl is pressured in seeing the positive side to the introduction regardless of the negatives which may stand out like a sore thumb.  The one being pressured to say the famous words 'yes, I do' is usually given the guilt trip, hear the usual speech about how this introduction compares better than the last and the clock is ticking away and time is running out and how there is a lack of good people around.

The heart is a vulnerable organ, which feels the pain of these words even when you are certain that you cannot cope forever with the person who has been introduced, who is more likely to be your neighbours cup of tea.  Under the duvet before you fall asleep you re-think everything hundred times over, whilst the tears trickle down your cheek and wet the pillow your head lies on.  Trying hard to understand it from your parent's point of view taking into account traditions and think fine I do, I'll make it work.  Whilst wiping away those tears you remember that marriage is a life long compromise, how and why would you want to be wiping away your tears under the duvet for most of your married life which is supposed to be blissful, peaceful, and full of happiness, joy and fun.

The cycle goes on; again the matchmakers find a new family and start the process all over again.  Eventually, the ideal partner strikes and less conflict arises, because come on the clock has ticked a bit too much by this time and compromise appears to be more acceptable.  Traditions and pressures of arranged marriages soon take their course and a couple are bound in marriage.

The pain and tears soon feel worthwhile, seeing the love of your life in front of you which came about from the concept of arranged marriage.

My advise - find someone you love.