Before You Get Married Questions and Relationships Issues

With the divorce rate so high and people defying past conventions of staying together through bad patches, many people are finding out that love doesn't overcome all problems. Little secrets between couples are no problem, but for the big issues like attitude to money, children, careers, religion, ..., couples need to know what they're getting into to avoid continual arguments and possibly the breakdown of their relationship.

These things are better sorted out before a long-term commitment, but couples in an established relationship can become closer the more they know and understand about each other.

Here are 5 tips to help get a long-term relationship off to a great start:

1. Take your time to get to know each other - When you consider the different events and circumstances that happen in a year, it's worth delaying any decisions on entering a long-term relationship for at least a year.

He needs the latest sports gear every spring / she needs the latest fashions - do you think that's a good use of your budget - can you live with that?

She wants to vacation in the Caribbean, perfecting her tan / he wants to go fishing in mountain streams and white-water rafting - how are you going to work that one out?

There's nothing wrong with having different attitudes and interests, it's how you work out and live with your differences that determines how successful your relationship is going to be.

Don't gamble by committing yourselves to a long-term relationship too soon!

2. Don't stop dating - Do you remember when you first met how you always found or made time to be together and go on dates?

Don't let your relationship become stale because you take each other for granted - keep doing new and special things together and find time for those unexpected gifts or surprises.

When did you last do simple things like take a stroll together in the park or sit on the beach watching the sun go down? Going on a date, you'll put more effort into your appearance, have more time to talk to each other, and feel closer.

3. Don't forget 'I love you' - What? you say, they already know that!

Sure they do, just as you know they love you, but you still like to hear it, don't you?, and you like that intimate touch that says you both share an intimacy that no one else has with you.

When you've been together for some time, it's easy to forget the things you found attractive in the first place and let criticisms take over - don't forget to praise your partner's good points and encourage and support them in what they do.

4. Know your partner - Not understanding your partner is not the big problem. What you need to do for a successful relationship is to KNOW your partner and how they think and react about things - AND - to accept that's the way they are.

You don't have to have the same likes and dislikes, or the same values or opinions to have a successful relationship, but you do have to accept your partner's point of view being as valid as your own.

5. Ask the big questions - If couples simply spent some time asking each other the questions that really matter, and discussing the answers without passing judgment, they'd greatly increase their chances of staying together.

Does your partner want kids; do they have a history of spending their way into debt; are they religious; do you both want careers? To give your relationship the best chance of lasting, these are the sorts of issues you need to discuss and come to terms with BEFORE entering into a long-term commitment.

Don't think that you'll be able to change your partner's behavior after you've made the commitment because it won't happen! If you don't take the time to discuss finances, religion, sex, housing, and your future in some detail, you're probably going to spend the rest of your life together arguing.

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This article is based on the author's own experiences, and is written for information only in the hope that it will help you. You must decide for yourself, and take responsibility for, anything you do as a result of reading this article.