If you grew up in a broken home, you've probably heard that your marriage is far more likely to end in divorce. Well, that doesn't have to be the case. Christ came as a restorer, not a destroyer. So in Christ you can restore many of those things that were lost in the broken home you grew up in. And you can have a very successful marriage.
In the book, Breaking the Cycle of Divorce: How Your Marriage Can Succeed Even if Your Parents' Didn't, John Trent shares several ways to overcome the legacy of divorce. Here are a few of them:
(1) "Embrace the love that will never abandon you. Understand that, while people might let you down, God will always come through for you. Accept the love that He offers you -- unconditional love that you can count on, no matter what. If you haven't already, begin a relationship with God through Christ. Make it a top priority to build a closer relationship with God each day.
(2) "Know that you have a choice. Recognize that you aren't a powerless victim. Know that what happened to your parents doesn't have to happen to you, and that you aren't a slave to your past. Decide to choose to respond to your circumstances in ways that will lead to a positive future.
(3) "Face your fears. Take your fears out of the dark (lurking in your imagination) and bring them into the light by talking about them openly with your spouse. Pray about them specifically rather than just worrying about them. Seek and accept help from a close friend or a professional counselor to confront stubborn fears.
(4) "Focus on positives instead of negatives. Ask God to renew your mind and help you reprogram your thinking about your marriage and life in general so you're more positive than negative. Write several lists: one that lists ways you and your spouse are not like your parents, one that lists ways your marriage is not like your parents' marriage, and one that lists your spouse's strengths and positive attributes. Then post your lists in prominent places in your home or car where you can see them every day to remind you.
(5) "Rely on God's power rather than your own. Don't try to wrestle with your struggles on your own. Instead, invite God to work in and through you, empowering you to handle everything that comes your way. Trust that whenever you ask for His help, He will respond -- day by day, and moment-by-moment."
I would add one item to this list: learn to solve problems biblically. This is the primary reason Christian marriages fail. When you try to solve problems according to your opinion or emotion or those of your spouse, there's no standard to determine who is right or wrong. Both of you should learn to submit to God's Word and follow it in problem solving.
If you can't figure it out, then seek help from a biblical counselor. Trent says, "Schedule some strategic sessions so the counselor can coach you through the issues. Realize that just a few short meetings can benefit you."
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Frequently Asked Questions
What does, i'll do good by you next time, mean?
By: Debbie | 20-07-2008
What does, i'll do good by you next time, mean?
Marriage Requirements
By: Jerry | 20-07-2008
We are planning to come to California to get married but are wondering, is there a waiting time before a license is issued, Is there an appliction that must be filled out, Does one have to make an appointment for a license and issuing of a license? We want to have a few people at the ceremony and then all of us go out to a restaurant to celebrate. Any Suggestions?
Jerry & Ernie
Is it love???
By: ConfusedGirl | 20-07-2008
Well thanks for all the advice about the b/f and sex thing. lol : ).. But its like im still scared to tell him cause i never been in love before and i think he is the one for me.. And i don't want to lose him.. you know? i know all girls are suppose to feel this way about a first love and all, but i just don't understand it at all. like am i in love?? or is he the one for me?? How am i suppose to know this.. : ( Well if anyone can help me please do.. Cause like idk sometimes when i have sex with him i worry about getting pregnant and all.. we use a condom but idk. i just get scared.. Well all i got to say is i NEED ADVICE!
Dating residents
By: sybrtek | 20-07-2008
Are residents of a nursing home allowed to date other residents legally?
Is anal sex legal everywhere?
By: Penny99 | 20-07-2008
Is anal sex legal everywhere in the world? (Between guys and girls I'm only interested in)
Will this relationship work?
By: Amanda34 | 20-07-2008
I am currently on a break with my bf of a year and a half, i love him and i know that he loves me too. we still act like a couple but we arent really official at the moment. he is 21 and needs to figure out his life which i can understand.He hasnt been to college yet. Im around him all the time which makes him put off everything he needs to do because he wants to spend time with me. But I have trust issues now because the guy i dated before my current lied to me, said we could be friends and possibly get back together and then he slept with my best friend.He understands I have trust issues or what not but he thinks that im taking everything a bit too far. its hard because we have been fighting alot, and im scared he will find someone new, but he promised me that he wouldnt, im always paranoid about things so we always fight...if i dont stop what im doing, i know that i will definatly lose him, and i dont want him. he is my first long term relationship.When we fight, we tell each other that we are "done" but we cant seem to really end it for good. We are attached, and we do love each other. Does this seem like a messed up relationship? Is this a relationship that wont work out? Or will I need to be able to trust again before this relationship will be okay again? Please tell me what you think!
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