It's your fault. You did everything you could to build a good relationship. Physical and emotional investment was not something you took likely. So you gave it everything you had: time, energy, finances and above all trust. But it still did not stop your spouse from cheating on you.
What did I do wrong? That's a question that many people have asked themselves when their relationship goes south. Far too many people unfortunately stop there. But it gets even worse when the person doing the cheating starts playing the blame game.
In her article Negative Consequences of an Affair, Cathy Meyer writes, "When a third party enters a marriage, certain psychological things start to happen in the mind of the cheating spouse. Their thinking becomes skewed in order to justify their behavior. Denial of any wrong doing means shifting the blame and usually it all gets dumped onto the faithful spouse."
If you are not careful you may start to believe it yourself. We are all human so sometimes there is a tendency to idealize things. This can extend to the relationship. Your spouse may be an incredible person whose dreams and charisma can sweep anyone along, particularly if you are at the epicenter. Or it maybe it is just plain old fashion "you love them and want the best for them". Either way their wants above all else is not good for any relationship.
For any marriage to work effectively both parties must respect what the other brings to the table. They also must believe in their own self worth. This is not only an essential element to building a healthy relationship but it also acts as a safeguard against the marriage getting out of balance. You are going to have to fight for it from time to time but in the long run it will be better for the both of you.
Yes you should strive for selflessness when it comes to making your spouse happy. You can always grow to understand and help your spouse with their failings and learn to love them in spite of it. But those same imperfections and weaknesses put them on even ground with you. If they want your love, trust and support than it is crucial they understand it is a two way street. You cannot make them if they do not want to. All you have control over is your actions but if they are as committed to the relationship as you are than the light bulb will hopefully cut on.
None of this excuses their marital infidelity. Having an extramarital affair is arguably the ultimate act if selfishness in a relationship. The point is to not get wrapped up their self centeredness to where you become a glorified employee.
The reality is in many relationships one person will always be the dominate force. If both parties are okay with that then fine. But even in those types of relationships each voice must be heard and allowing the other person to contribute has to be accepted with equal validity and trust. Anything less is not good for any relationship.
Got a Question? Ask.
Ask the community a question about this article:
Frequently Asked Questions
Is he cheating?
By: concerned | 13-07-2008
My boyfriend is always accusing me of cheating on him and not being at home when i say that i am going there. he is always starting fights and telling me that i dont really love him that i am just playing him. and when he starts these fights he always ends up telling me to go home and then telling me that i am not really at home when i am. then if i try and call him he ignores my calls and texts but will say that he "didn't hear his phone or that the text didn't come thru until hours later". and for days he will still ignore my calls and only call me about the time i get out of work just to find out where i am at but anyother time he wants to have nothing to do with me until he wants something or wants to know something. he always knows where i am at all the time..and the majority of the time i am at his house if i am not at work unless he tells me to go home. but when he goes places its i have things to take care of or i have errands i have to run....Could all this be signs that he is cheating?
Why do people cheat?
By: cjdaves157 | 08-05-2008
I am fascinating at the number of people who are able to cheat on their significant other. How can someone who loves their spouse full-heartedly cheat on them. Is it simply for the thrill and excitement or does it mean that their is an underlining problem in the relationship?
Why do men who cheat get married in the first place?
By: jaelin227 | 12-04-2008
If some men are prone to cheating (and they usually know it), why then do they get married?
Texting
By: mirandastarr | 06-03-2008
My hubbie was texting a female from his job 24/7 He says it was just talk no physical Is that cheating Miranda
Q&A Powered by:
Latest Marriage Articles
Signs of a Cheating Wife - Learn The Scret Of Using a Journal To Catch Her
By: Kwame Ofori | 24/07/2008
If you are looking for signs that your wife is cheating on you and how to catch her using a journal. Then read this article. Here we reveal the secret benefit, how to start and use a journal.
Wedding Venues - Tips to Choosing a Great Venue
By: Darrell F | 24/07/2008
The first thing to pop up in your mind when you’re planning your wedding is your wedding venue. This is because wedding venue must suit your wedding theme, besides taking the budget consideration. As the traditional way, couples usually plan on marrying in a church while nowadays many couples prefer to have the wedding ceremony and reception all in 1 place where it is more convenience.
How to Save Your Marriage
By: Nikola Dimitrov | 24/07/2008
Well, it is definitely not so hard to save a marriage, provided that one or both partners are willing to do several very simple and logical steps. You see, men and women are so different, and hereby it appears that family is a hard thing to maintain, and yet exactly family is meant by God to be our greatest blessing.
Satisfaction in Marriage
By: CD Mohatta | 24/07/2008
There are very few marriages, where both the partners are satisfied fully. Go around and make a small survey. The results may look shocking but they are true. Everyone has one or the other complain about the married life.
Brunch Wedding Receptions Are Becoming a Cost-Effective Alternative
By: Jayne Waldorf | 23/07/2008
While receptions at lunch or dinner time are still the most popular there are people who are having wedding receptions at other times of the day and often these are arranged to coincide with their honeymoon plans or other factors that make it more convenient to have a reception possibly...
Wedding Invitation - Some Essential Tips For You
By: Jerry Leung | 23/07/2008
Undoubtedly, you will need to consider your wedding invitation when you are planning for your wedding. In fact, it is one of the most important items in your wedding. All couples will try very hard to search for the most perfect wedding invitation. Some may even hire a designer who...
Have a Cheating Husband? Signs of Emotional Adultery
By: Kwame Ofori | 23/07/2008
Not every affair is a physical affair. In some relationships the boundaries of an affair include emotional affairs. Discovering emotional affairs, though, can be tricky. They are not as bold or easily spotted as a physical affair. However, there are still clues that you can spot so you can discover your spouses affair.
Top Sign of a Womans Infidelity
By: Kwame Ofori | 23/07/2008
Looking for information on top sign of a womans infidelity, then read this article. We go into details on the top sign of a womans infidelity
Relationships 
