Dating

If you have been a diligent reader of this column; if you have tried some blind dates in the last six months; if you have attended many single’s events; and, if you have been on an Internet dating site for over a year, you may be feeling— DAFT.

The Dating Again Fatigue and Tiredness syndrome, invented by yours truly, can take hold at any time. One minute, you may be overloaded with dating responses, and the next minute… you just don’t care if you ever have another date. Looking for your true love is hard work. It’s easy to get discouraged. Maybe it’s time to get a fresh perspective. Maybe you need a break from that DAFT feeling. (Webster’s Dictionary describes the word daft: senseless, foolish, crazy. However, we know what it means if you are single and dating.)

Here are some recommendations to help your DAFT syndrome recovery:

1. You aren’t alone.
It’s important to know that others like you have also suffered from feeling DAFT. When you are on a quest to find your soul mate, not just any person will do. You don’t want to compromise. It takes lots of work and determination. Most people get a little DAFT in the process.

2. Refresh your requirements list.
This is the time to review your list of requirements. Does he really have to be six foot two and three-fourths? Or can he just be “tall”? If so, right away, you’ve expanded your possibilities. Does the person you want have to be from your town? How about if they are within a fifty-mile radius? If so, you have more choices. One of my clients said the guy she wanted had to appreciate fine wine. I said, “Are you telling me that if you met Mr. Perfect, and you had chemistry, humor, trust, and a great financial future, and he loved you like crazy, you would throw him away because he doesn’t appreciate fine wine? Unless you own a vineyard, does this make sense?” Renew and expand your requirements list.

3. Stay Calm.
If you are a person who winds herself up tightly before each date, you definitely will experience the DAFT syndrome. If you are expecting each one to be “IT”, you will set yourself up for exhaustion. He will come along, but until he does, relax and enjoy each new person you meet. Look for what you can learn, and if the date goes better than that, you have a win.

4. Enjoy the perks of being single.
There are literally millions and millions of singles in the world looking for that someone special. If you keep going out to social settings; if you are willing to be fixed up with blind dates; and if you are trying dates through the Internet, sooner or later, you are going to meet someone. You won’t be single forever so take a minute to reflect on what you enjoy about your present status. Do the things NOW that you won’t be able to do after you are a couple. Try a single’s cruise, or ski trip, or masked ball. Go and visit your friends and relatives whom you haven’t seen in ages and ages. Take lots of long baths, quiet walks, or interesting seminars. These things might be more difficult to find time for when you have a partner and an extended family. Don’t forget to enjoy the moment.

5. Do something different.
You need a holiday from DAFT. Just as you take a vacation from your profession, you need a break from the emotional wear and tear of dating. Find a new hobby or sport to get engaged in. Take some lessons or classes. Hire a coach to help you polish up your life or style or attractiveness. Any of the above will bring you enthusiasm and zest. When you are learning something new, you become interesting. When you are excited to wake up in the morning because you can’t wait to go mountain biking, gorilla watching, butterfly catching, or horseback riding, you have an energy that is sexy, charming and impossible to stay away from. New pursuits make you shimmer with adventure and possibility. When you start dating again, you will be tanked up—not running on empty.

6. Make a contribution.
If you feel DAFT, maybe it’s time to think about others. Not only do thousands of unfortunate people need assistance, you want to be on the receiving end of the sense of personal pleasure you get from helping others. Millions of adults, children or animals are struggling day-to-day to survive. You could be the one to make a difference in someone’s life. Not to mention the fact that compassionate, caring people are irresistible human beings.

Would you like to get over the Dating Again Fatigue and Tiredness syndrome? Take a break, get some rest, and then get ready to enjoy dating again. If you do the above, you may find your soul mate sooner than you think, because—you won’t feel DAFT.