Ending Domestic Violence: Losing Control

Finally after much pleading and cajoling from people in her social circle she has left the relationship.

It was not easy to get her to take this step. Quite often she was very adamant in telling people to leave her alone. She wasn't staying for the kids or out of fear. She loved him and that's all there was to it.

But after all these years of being together and dealing with being physically assaulted she has had enough. He's not gotten better as she kept telling people he would. For whatever reason the violence has intensified and grown more frequent.

She can no longer kid herself and considering how many years she put up with the abuse that is saying a lot. So now it's time to move on. She will always love and care for him but it will have to be at a distance.

When she lets him know by phone, he begs her to come back. He tells her it will never happen again and that he will get help. She reminds him that he has gotten help before and it didn't work. Now he tries the old standby. Please come back or he will kill himself. She's wise to this and refuses to budge.

So it's all done. But it's not. There's a long period of silence as she tries to calmly reason with him. And then it happens. He unleashes all the anger and rage he can muster. It's scary but she takes it until those final words, "You're mine. And you always will be." It was said very quietly but the force and threatening nature of it was unmistakable.

If you are wondering why many women refuse to even consider leaving an abusive relationship look no further. When they try the risk to them increases significantly because the abuser has only one thought and that is to be regain control.

Statistics show that way to many domestic violence homicides and severe injuries occur when the victim tries to leave the relationship.

Many women stay because they have been told more than once what would happen to them if they even think about getting out. And yes telling them was followed by an actual physical demonstration.

It's no wonder that they not only stay in the relationship but refuse to report anything to law enforcement.

It takes rivers of strength and a mountain of courage to walk away from a violent controlling relationship. But the victim does not need congratulations. More than anything they need protection.