Good Marriage Communication Alone Won'T Save A Marriage

Everyone knows the importance of good marriage communication. There are many books on general communication, but marital communication is highly specialized.

When I spoke with a local public school principal, I asked her why they don't teach communication in public schools; not even general communication skills. She gave me the party line saying there are things that have to be taught at home by the family. I asked her where the family might have learned good communication skills. She smiled, told me that was a good question, and remembered something very important she had to do.

What we Learn in Public School Won't Help us Save Marriages

"How to live" education is irrefutably the most important education we can ever hope to receive or offer (let us never forget that our government is for and of the people).

People need to learn as much as they can about communication, gender differences, integrity, loyalty, setting life goals and other human topics that give purpose to our existence. Almost all of us wish to get married and raise families, yet there is nothing in our public school systems that support these universally accepted endeavors.

The failure of marriages is easily traced back to the massive ignorance surrounding the above topics. We are not able to draw on our educational experiences from school when we need to save a marriage.

Good Marriage Communication is Essential, but Not Enough to Save Marriage

If your chosen profession was home building, you would have to become enough of an expert in the numerous fields needed to construct a house. You would have to learn something about zoning laws, drainage and erosion, foundations, architecture, building materials, heating and air conditioning, etc.

On the other hand a home builder who becomes a qualified expert in framing a house would be at an almost total loss if he or she did not know enough about all of the other aspects of building such as electrical or plumbing.

Similarly, a married person needs to be expert in the essential aspect of marriage communication but will still remain ill-equipped for marriage without all of the corresponding knowledge required to have a healthy marriage.

You can't Learn from Psychologists

Using the example of a home builder and pretending you just started down the path of building your own home, let's imagine you ran into your first massive problem. What would you do?

The most intelligent thing to do would be to find out what you need to know to proceed without completely screwing up your house. Filling in the missing pieces of your home building knowledge is possible as there are many books and authorities you can turn to.

Unfortunately that is not the case for marriage. The current batch of so-called experts are all grown out of the western psychological community; that is, they are schooled to see the human mind in such a perverted way (many of my articles detail the flaws of western psychology) that they offer nothing but confusion to those who want to get their marriage back on track.

Marital Communication is Unique to Marriages

There is no universal method of communication that is effective in all aspects of life. Marital communication is highly specialized, but it isn't complicated.

Those who have read about marital communication in my Lessons For A Happy Marriage "get it" immediately and do not need a training course dedicated just to communication. It would in fact be unwise for a struggling couple to pick up books on communication and bring those teachings into their marriage. General communication courses are designed to help individuals who need the help primarily for business interactions.

Your marriage is not a business.

The most important three words in marital communication are, "I love you."