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How to Catch an Unfaithful Mate in This Digital Age

Author: Jim DeSantis Author Ranking Bronze | Posted: 01-06-2008 | Comments: 0 | Views: 139 | Rating:  (117) Article Popularity - Blue (?) Got a Question? Ask.
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As a retired TV newsman, who has seen the rapid growth of technology from the inside, I am still constantly amazed at how much easier it is to communicate with people these days. There is high-speed Internet connections (wireless & otherwise), Cellphones, texting, BlueTooth, Blackberry's, and the list goes on.

We can talk at the touch of a button, across cities, countries, the entire world. It all makes for cheating on a mate even easier than ever. But there are ways to find the truth.
 
Using these digital protocols to be unfaithful is almost instant, fairly cheap and, most important to the cheater, completely private and hidden. Or, so they think.

Advancements in digital communication are, on the whole, a great thing when used to improve our daily lives. On the downside, cheating husbands, wives (or, for that matter, girlfriends or boyfriends) can communicate with their private lovers away from the prying eyes and ears of their trusting partners. It happens every minute of every day across the world. Digital technology knows no national borders. Thousands upon thousands of text messages are sent by disloyal men and women to those they’re sleeping with out of the sight of their partners.

In my day, the only way a guy or girl could arrange a clandestine meeting would be over a hard-line (either a house phone or a pay phone). The cheater was forced to make risky calls from the home of their unsuspecting spouses, or secretly take a trip to a nearby pay phone and do it from there. Both of these methods of communication could often be spotted by the betrayed party quite easily.

Fast forward to now. It’s now a cinch for a cheater to send messages to their secret lovers from work, a locked bathroom, even from under the bed covers while their current, faithful partner sleeps quietly, and, 100% unaware of what’s going on just 6 inches away from them.

It’s true; things are easier for cheaters these days…but not totally easy. Just as all others kinds of cheats – be it a card shark, a con man or a computer hacker – leave signs of their dishonesty behind, so do disloyal partners. And looking for the right signs, in the right places, is the absolute best way of knowing for sure if you can trust your partner.

You know now how easy it is for cheaters to communicate with their secret partners using digital communication but what are the signs, the indications, the clues of this kind of activity so you can be sure? This is risky business that demands absolute proof, not innuendo or paranoia on your part. Before you begin, you must ask yourself if you are really ready to know the truth and ready to handle the heart break. Or, are you willing to do what I recommend, that is, do everything in your power to save your relationship. This is tough stuff. It will take patience and the ability to keep emotions under control.

With that caution, let’s take a look at some quick tips:

1. Computers offer cheaters a multitude of communication methods, including: email, instant messenger programs, chat rooms and forums. Although it can be difficult to tell what your partner is doing on line, without actually looking over their shoulder (not a good idea!), there are indications you can look for more that keep your investigation hidden.

Does your mate spend an increased amount of time at the computer for no apparent reason, perhaps when you’re in bed or before you get up? Is your partner quickly turning off the computer monitor or turning it away from you when you enter the room?

Also, try checking the Internet browsing history on the computer your partner uses most often. Sometimes there are web pages, chat room locations or other tracks that will reveal if your partner has been taking part in Internet infidelity. At times, you may find that the browser history has been freshly deleted – this, as you can imagine, is equally suspicious.

There is also software programs you can buy and load on to the computer that will track Internet activity. Many parents find such software to be an effective tool to keep track of their child's Internet activity and they work under the radar.

2. As mentioned earlier, mobile/cellular phones make quick and private communication easy. If you feel comfortable doing so, checking your partner’s phone’s call history. Their address book and text message archive can provide you with a wealth of telling information. Bear in mind, though, that cheating partner’s – in an effort to remain unfaithful – often keep their phones on their person most of the time. If your partner used to leave their phone lying around, but now never seems to do so, you must ask yourself why.

3. Last but not least, don’t forget or ignore the “old” style methods of cheater communication. Many cheaters still use house phones to call their secret lovers. Check your itemized phone bill for calls to local numbers you don’t recognize and that are not in your phone book. Also, pay attention to how your partner reacts when you walk into the room when they’re on the phone. It’s difficult to mask panic and surprise when the partner you’re cheating on walks into the room while you’re chatting to your secret significant other. Quick hang-ups could be a sign your partner’s being disloyal over the phone and, perhaps, elsewhere.

By keeping your eyes peeled and ears open, you can exploit the advantages these new methods of communication offer cheaters and, hopefully, discover what’s really going on.

Jim DeSantis

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Jim DeSantis provides a Free 11-page Report with more tips on How To Catch A Cheating Mate at Gifts from Jim DeSantis. It's an instant download. No email is required to get it. Jim also runs On Line Tribune Marriage blog - here where you will find more free information on this topic.

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Frequently Asked Questions

I don't know what to do! Insecurites suck!
By: Courtwizzle19 | 11-09-2008
Okay, so I can't help but think my boyfriend is going to cheat on me! And in all reality, there is absolutly NO reason for me to be feeling that way. He has never done it before, and he always tells me how much he loves me and how I am the best thing that has ever happened to him, and he wants to be with me forever, and there is even talk of starting a family one day. There is so much background here that, its going to take a good couple minutes to explain... First.. a little about me.... Within the last 2 years I have gone through a huge transformation, I have shed about 200 pounds. (boyfriend came after the weight loss) So my self esteem, and self confidence is still struggling. I am still a thick girl for sure, so I still have self image problems...but I know I look a hundred times better. Also, I think I might have some sort of abandonment issues, Dad left when I was 10, and chose drugs over his family...And it hit me harder then anyone cause I was the closest to him... So anyways...this guy is a cool good looking nice outgoing person, and I am always thinking, why is he with me!? That sounds absolutely horrible, but I am just expressing exactly what feelings I get. I tell myself all the time, that I am wonderful and I have a great heart, and Im a pretty girl, and blah blah blah, but I still have this horrible insecurity. I work evenings, so whenever he goes out I meet him after work, but its late and he has already been out, and the whole time before I get off I a thinking "omg what is he doing?" and I have these HORRIBLE unnecessary mental images of him making out, or spitting game, or whatever. And Its soooooo horrible and rediculous!! Now, here is where he IS wrong....he has told me in the past how he cheated on his ex when he was a lot younger...he promises he would never do that to me, and I mean way more then she ever did...but I have always thought, once a cheater, always a cheater, but that was like 5 years ago...so when he told me that it just added more fuel to my fire of insecurities and horrible thoughts. He really has given me no reason to feel this way, I even went as far as to look through his phone!!!! I WOULD NEVER DO SOMETHING LIKE THAT!! Im not a weird possesive girlfriend...I would never do that. But this guys is just such an great catch, and I am so scared to loose him. I feel like im putting to much thought into this and I am almost loosing myself. HELLPP! :( I don't want to feel this way anymore! Also, he has this best friend, who is a total DOGG! He cheats on his girlfriend all the time. And I feel like he might drag my boyfriend into it too. They always go out with one another, and he always says "come on dude lets go holler at some girls" How inconsiderate! My boyfriend just laughs and rolls his eyes. He says he could never influence him to do anything, but it makes me so nervous, cause they always hang out! Maybe that has something to do with my issues!

A senior and a freshmen dating
By: Megan | 11-09-2008
Im a freshmen in high school, and i really like this senior.  He's a virgin, he goes to church, and he doesn't do any drugs or anything like that.  Me and him have one class together and I just made the school play, and he promised if i made it he would be a 'techie'.  So we're going to spend a lot of time together, and we hang out anyways.  I really want to date him, and i know my parents wouldn't approve..so we would just keep them thinking that we're only friends. Yes, i know that can get me into trouble..and not just with them, but me and this guy only hang out when we're with other people.  So nothing would happen, and he knows that.  Anyways, please let me know what you think.  This could be a really good relationship, i just need some opinions.  Thanks.

Regrets...............?
By: Bubbaboo | 11-09-2008
What do I do? I got married 2 1/2 yrs ago, left my job of 20yrs. moved out of state and now I wished I had everything back the way it was, with my husband of course!

Is my marriage valid?
By: lilimali | 11-09-2008
i married an american, in america but i am canadian! is my marriage valid in canada? someone please tell me!

Getting married with married-name passport as docment?
By: lilly | 11-09-2008
my passport has expired and im getting married! i want to apply for a  passport pre-issued in my married name to use after the wedding but can i use it as documentation to get married or do i have to renew it first and then send it back again for the name change i dont want to end up paying twice if i dont have to!

Judas
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