How to Catch an Unfaithful Mate in This Digital Age

As a retired TV newsman, who has seen the rapid growth of technology from the inside, I am still constantly amazed at how much easier it is to communicate with people these days. There is high-speed Internet connections (wireless & otherwise), Cellphones, texting, BlueTooth, Blackberry's, and the list goes on.

We can talk at the touch of a button, across cities, countries, the entire world. It all makes for cheating on a mate even easier than ever. But there are ways to find the truth.
 
Using these digital protocols to be unfaithful is almost instant, fairly cheap and, most important to the cheater, completely private and hidden. Or, so they think.

Advancements in digital communication are, on the whole, a great thing when used to improve our daily lives. On the downside, cheating husbands, wives (or, for that matter, girlfriends or boyfriends) can communicate with their private lovers away from the prying eyes and ears of their trusting partners. It happens every minute of every day across the world. Digital technology knows no national borders. Thousands upon thousands of text messages are sent by disloyal men and women to those they’re sleeping with out of the sight of their partners.

In my day, the only way a guy or girl could arrange a clandestine meeting would be over a hard-line (either a house phone or a pay phone). The cheater was forced to make risky calls from the home of their unsuspecting spouses, or secretly take a trip to a nearby pay phone and do it from there. Both of these methods of communication could often be spotted by the betrayed party quite easily.

Fast forward to now. It’s now a cinch for a cheater to send messages to their secret lovers from work, a locked bathroom, even from under the bed covers while their current, faithful partner sleeps quietly, and, 100% unaware of what’s going on just 6 inches away from them.

It’s true; things are easier for cheaters these days…but not totally easy. Just as all others kinds of cheats – be it a card shark, a con man or a computer hacker – leave signs of their dishonesty behind, so do disloyal partners. And looking for the right signs, in the right places, is the absolute best way of knowing for sure if you can trust your partner.

You know now how easy it is for cheaters to communicate with their secret partners using digital communication but what are the signs, the indications, the clues of this kind of activity so you can be sure? This is risky business that demands absolute proof, not innuendo or paranoia on your part. Before you begin, you must ask yourself if you are really ready to know the truth and ready to handle the heart break. Or, are you willing to do what I recommend, that is, do everything in your power to save your relationship. This is tough stuff. It will take patience and the ability to keep emotions under control.

With that caution, let’s take a look at some quick tips:

1. Computers offer cheaters a multitude of communication methods, including: email, instant messenger programs, chat rooms and forums. Although it can be difficult to tell what your partner is doing on line, without actually looking over their shoulder (not a good idea!), there are indications you can look for more that keep your investigation hidden.

Does your mate spend an increased amount of time at the computer for no apparent reason, perhaps when you’re in bed or before you get up? Is your partner quickly turning off the computer monitor or turning it away from you when you enter the room?

Also, try checking the Internet browsing history on the computer your partner uses most often. Sometimes there are web pages, chat room locations or other tracks that will reveal if your partner has been taking part in Internet infidelity. At times, you may find that the browser history has been freshly deleted – this, as you can imagine, is equally suspicious.

There is also software programs you can buy and load on to the computer that will track Internet activity. Many parents find such software to be an effective tool to keep track of their child's Internet activity and they work under the radar.

2. As mentioned earlier, mobile/cellular phones make quick and private communication easy. If you feel comfortable doing so, checking your partner’s phone’s call history. Their address book and text message archive can provide you with a wealth of telling information. Bear in mind, though, that cheating partner’s – in an effort to remain unfaithful – often keep their phones on their person most of the time. If your partner used to leave their phone lying around, but now never seems to do so, you must ask yourself why.

3. Last but not least, don’t forget or ignore the “old” style methods of cheater communication. Many cheaters still use house phones to call their secret lovers. Check your itemized phone bill for calls to local numbers you don’t recognize and that are not in your phone book. Also, pay attention to how your partner reacts when you walk into the room when they’re on the phone. It’s difficult to mask panic and surprise when the partner you’re cheating on walks into the room while you’re chatting to your secret significant other. Quick hang-ups could be a sign your partner’s being disloyal over the phone and, perhaps, elsewhere.

By keeping your eyes peeled and ears open, you can exploit the advantages these new methods of communication offer cheaters and, hopefully, discover what’s really going on.

Jim DeSantis