 |
Is My Partner an Alcoholic?
Author: John McMahon  | Posted: 05-04-2008 | Comments: 0 | Views: 73 | Rating: (115)  (?) 
Are you one of many people who live with someone who drinks heavily? Do you wonder whether your partner is an alcoholic. Well you are certainly not alone. For many people living with problem drinkers means agony and confusion wondering whether their partner is actually an alcoholic or whether they are making a fuss about nothing. This is a very real problem for many reasons.
You, like most partners of drinkers, probably hide the fact that your partner is drinking heavily. You probably do not want your family and friends to know about this aspect of your life, which means that you are left alone with no one to talk to and no one to test out your fears or ask advice. You are lefy with the evidence of your own eyes about what is happening, and the drinker's view of what is happening is generally very different. So you can become confused, and even fearful of your own sanity. The only person you have to discuss the situation with is the drinker him or herself and they often deny that there is a problem. In most cases the drinker does not admit having problem, until it is very obvious to everyone else. So despite your gut feelings you are faced with the drinker's denial of a problem. Understandably this leads to a lot of doubt about whether you are just making a fuss over nothing and, of course, the drinker will happily reinforce that doubt so that they can continue drinking.
A second problem is a concentration on the word alcoholic. There are many definitions of what constitutes and what causes alcoholism. This makes it more difficult for the drinker to admit a problem and also makes it easier to argue that they don't have a problem. Let’s make that a bit clearer. For most people, even today, the word alcoholic still carries a lot of shame. It suggests a damaged person somebody who is different from the rest of society, who has a different psychological or genetic makeup and therefore can't drink. It is very difficult for most people to admit that they are different in any way from everyone else, it is even more difficult if that difference carries with it a sense of shame. Consider how difficult it is admit being different, if that means having to give up something that most people enjoy without any problem.
So the lack of a clear definition of alcoholism can be very useful for the drinker. It means that they can point to various aspects of definitions and say “well I can't be an alcoholic because I don't do that”. For example if we look at the cage questionnaire (a simple assessment tool) it suggests that one of the defining features of alcoholism is the so-called eye-opener, that is having a drink first thing in the morning. Although most people who do drink first thing in the morning would clearly have a drink problem, many people with a drink problem, or even alcoholism, don't drink first thing in the morning. Therefore concentrating too much on a diagnosis of alcoholism can lead to difficulties, and to a very large degree, fails to recognize and address the real problems. Other common arguments are “I can’t be an alcoholic because I don’t drink all the time” or “I don’t get drunk every time I drink”. So what!!
Whether something has a problem with their drinking does not lie in whether they fit a diagnosis or not, but rather whether or not alcohol is causing a problem in their life. For example is it causing problems between themselves and their partner, or between themselves and their friends, or at work, or does their behaviour deteriorate when they drink. These are the real signs of a drink problem. Whether they fit the definition of an alcoholic or not is a side issue. If you have a headache you probably treat it with a pain killer. You almost certainly don’t argue that you don’t need to do something about it because it is not a brain tumour. If you think your partner’s drinking is a problem, it almost certainly is! You don’t need a medical diagnosis to tell you that you are miserable, frightened, embarrassed or however it manifests.
Rate this Article:
Current: 0 / 5 stars - 0 vote(s).
Article Source: http://www.articlesbase.com/marriage-articles/is-my-partner-an-alcoholic-379615.html
About the Author:John McMahon 24/7 Help Yourself and Alcohol and Drug Guide.com
I have worked in the addiction field for over 25 years. In that time I have worked as a therapist, university lecturer and researcher and have published about 50 articles in scholarly journals and books and am the originator of a brand new concept in alcohol treatment on line – 24/7 Help Yourself.
|
Submitting articles has become one of the most popular means of generating quality backlinks and targeted traffic to your website. Join us today - It's Free! |
|
Got a Question? Ask.
Ask the community a question about this article:
Frequently Asked Questions
How to cope living with an alcoholic
By: fancy | 10-07-2008
how to cope living with an alcoholic
Breaking a habit
By: sweep | 09-07-2008
What are best books for breaking a habit in 21 days?
What are the bestspeed reading courses ?
By: rickson52 | 30-06-2008
What are the bestspeed reading courses ?
My father is 85 years old and is just coming off a ...
By: addison | 28-06-2008
My father is 85 years old and is just coming off a four day binge of drinking huge amouts of gin. He is shaking badly and feels very ill. He has been an alcoholic for 40 years but goes on and off with the binge drinking, with no eating and no taking of his med. He has several health problems. COPE, EMPHYSEMA, AFIB JUST TO NAME A FEW. CAN HE DO THIS ALONE OR SHOULD WE GET HIM TO A HOSPITAL.
Depression
By: ksgirl | 23-06-2008
I am a female, 24 years old, married a little over a year. I have struggled with depression my entire life. I have attempted suicide five times, the first time at the age of six. (I had gender issues and sibling problems.) As a young girl, I was molested long-term by a female relative. I saw counselors for this. As a teenager, I was abused long-term and finally raped by a family friend and became pregnant. I induced a miscarriage by taking drugs. I became heavily involved in drugs and cutting myself for many months, and most of my suicide attempts fall during this time period. I got off drugs myself, though I saw many counselors and took an herbal anti-depressant. I refused drugs because I thought my parents would be ashamed of me ?taking the easy way out.? I became engaged to a homosexual man, who was my best friend, and convinced myself that I couldn't do any better. I broke off the engagement when I fell in love with a man and decided to try for real happiness. I dated around, ended up living with my now-husband. A friend tried to force himself on me while my then-boyfriend was out. I stopped him, and he lied to my parents, told them that my bf was abusing me and forcing me to make porn movies. By the time we'd cleared that up, my bf and I were engaged, but this "friend" had seduced my little sister, then 16. (He was 25.) They snuck around until she turned 18. In the meantime, three close relatives died within seven weeks of each other. My sister left my parents (moved out while my mother was making funeral arrangements for my aunt, the last to die, and I spent all night looking for her, not even knowing where she'd gone or if she was ok) and moved in with him, refused to attend my wedding, and believes him over me about what happened. We were best friends growing up, but now barely speak. I've heard they got married. My husband and I moved out of state a year ago. I have had a lot of difficulty adjusting, and have had relapses of my depression. I find myself wanting to cut badly, and instead often drink or have a cigarette. When I'm alone, I masturbate compulsively. I try not to binge-eat, which I have done in the past, because I am just now maintaining a healthy weight, for the first time in years. But I want to eat, and I know that the feeling is just a reaction to the depression. I often feel anxious and extremely sad, even when things are going well. I have a family history. (A great-grandmother was a hypochondriac. My grandmother had ?nerves? all her life, spent all her time on the couch, overate, was violent, etc. My uncle is bipolar. My mother has seasonal-affective disorder and has been treated for depression.) I have begun to think that my depression is a chemical imbalance of some kind, exacerbated by the events in my life, because there isn't a trigger to most of these recent episodes. I am still able to function, go to work, etc, but my private time falls apart and I'm distracted. I am struggling with how to deal with this. I don't want to waste money on therapy if it's a physical, not emotional, thing. I'm sure that, at this point, there's little a therapist can do but to tell me to move on, which I am trying to do. I also worry that my insurance rates will go up if I end up on antidepressants. Most of the time, I think I handle it pretty well. But I've begun to think that cutting is better for my health, long-term, than smoking. I don't even like to smoke anymore, I just do it to get rid of that urge to hurt. I have to hide the cigarettes from my husband, who hates them, but they're easier to hide than cuts. Also, I am a writer, and I have the thought in the back of my head that my depression makes for better work, so I maybe don't want to lose that. I'm very confused... Any comments are appreciated. Thank you, Rosie, for your response... I see that many people have read this, but have not replied. I wish I had more responses to get a feel of everyone's thoughts...
Alcoholism
By: ron | 12-06-2008
where is the detox located in my city of cortez, colorado 81321. i'm new on the computer. i've tried our local hospital and they declined. online i found nothing, but expensive private programs.I live in the four corners area next to my friends and family on the ute and navajo res. PLEASE HELP! ron
Q&A Powered by: 
Latest Marriage Articles
Signs of a Cheating Wife - Learn The Scret Of Using a Journal To Catch Her
By: Kwame Ofori | 24/07/2008
If you are looking for signs that your wife is cheating on you and how to catch her using a journal. Then read this article. Here we reveal the secret benefit, how to start and use a journal.
Wedding Venues - Tips to Choosing a Great Venue
By: Darrell F | 24/07/2008
The first thing to pop up in your mind when you’re planning your wedding is your wedding venue. This is because wedding venue must suit your wedding theme, besides taking the budget consideration. As the traditional way, couples usually plan on marrying in a church while nowadays many couples prefer to have the wedding ceremony and reception all in 1 place where it is more convenience.
How to Save Your Marriage
By: Nikola Dimitrov | 24/07/2008
Well, it is definitely not so hard to save a marriage, provided that one or both partners are willing to do several very simple and logical steps. You see, men and women are so different, and hereby it appears that family is a hard thing to maintain, and yet exactly family is meant by God to be our greatest blessing.
Satisfaction in Marriage
By: CD Mohatta | 24/07/2008
There are very few marriages, where both the partners are satisfied fully. Go around and make a small survey. The results may look shocking but they are true. Everyone has one or the other complain about the married life.
Brunch Wedding Receptions Are Becoming a Cost-Effective Alternative
By: Jayne Waldorf | 23/07/2008
While receptions at lunch or dinner time are still the most popular there are people who are having wedding receptions at other times of the day and often these are arranged to coincide with their honeymoon plans or other factors that make it more convenient to have a reception possibly...
Wedding Invitation - Some Essential Tips For You
By: Jerry Leung | 23/07/2008
Undoubtedly, you will need to consider your wedding invitation when you are planning for your wedding. In fact, it is one of the most important items in your wedding. All couples will try very hard to search for the most perfect wedding invitation. Some may even hire a designer who...
Have a Cheating Husband? Signs of Emotional Adultery
By: Kwame Ofori | 23/07/2008
Not every affair is a physical affair. In some relationships the boundaries of an affair include emotional affairs. Discovering emotional affairs, though, can be tricky. They are not as bold or easily spotted as a physical affair. However, there are still clues that you can spot so you can discover your spouses affair.
Top Sign of a Womans Infidelity
By: Kwame Ofori | 23/07/2008
Looking for information on top sign of a womans infidelity, then read this article. We go into details on the top sign of a womans infidelity
More from John McMahon
Is Alcoholism a Disease ?
By: John McMahon | 05/04/2008 | Addictions
Article looks at some of the evidence of alcoholism as a disease. It suggests that the evidence does not support alcoholism as a disease, moreover it suggests that regarding it as a disease may be detrimental to recovery.
Living With an Alcoholic (part 2)
By: John McMahon | 05/04/2008 | Relationships
The first article discussed some things to avoid. This article looks at some actions that may be of help in encouraging the drinker to change. However the bottom line is that, as the partner of the drinker, you need to look after your own life.
20 Signs That you May Have a Problem With Booze
By: John McMahon | 03/03/2007 | Health
Do you ever wonder if you have a problem with your drinking. This article lists some behaviours that might suggest a drinking problem.
What is the Most Addictive Drug?
By: John McMahon | 23/01/2007 | Health
A common debate is what drug is most addictive. This article offers a discussion of some measures of addiction and a comparison of various legal and illegal drugs on these measures.
Should Parents Test Adolescents for Substance Use?
By: John McMahon | 23/01/2007 | Relationships
This article discusses some of the pros and cons of using drug testing equipment or a breathalyser in the domestic situation to check if their teenagers are using drugs.
Living With an Alcoholic – Some Dos and Don’ts
By: John McMahon | 23/01/2007 | Relationships
Most people living with an alcoholic want to change them. This articles offers some tips on behaviour for anyone in a relationship with an alcoholic.
|
|
Relationships 
