John McMahon 24/7 Help Yourself and Alcohol and Drug Guide.com
I have worked in the addiction field for over 25 years. In that time I have worked as a therapist, university lecturer and researcher and have published about 50 articles in scholarly journals and books and am the originator of a brand new concept in alcohol treatment on line – 24/7 Help Yourself.
Are you one of many people who live with someone who drinks heavily? Do you wonder whether your partner is an alcoholic. Well you are certainly not alone. For many people living with problem drinkers means agony and confusion wondering whether their partner is actually an alcoholic or whether they are making a fuss about nothing. This is a very real problem for many reasons.
You, like most partners of drinkers, probably hide the fact that your partner is drinking heavily. You probably do not want your family and friends to know about this aspect of your life, which means that you are left alone with no one to talk to and no one to test out your fears or ask advice. You are lefy with the evidence of your own eyes about what is happening, and the drinker's view of what is happening is generally very different. So you can become confused, and even fearful of your own sanity. The only person you have to discuss the situation with is the drinker him or herself and they often deny that there is a problem. In most cases the drinker does not admit having problem, until it is very obvious to everyone else. So despite your gut feelings you are faced with the drinker's denial of a problem. Understandably this leads to a lot of doubt about whether you are just making a fuss over nothing and, of course, the drinker will happily reinforce that doubt so that they can continue drinking.
A second problem is a concentration on the word alcoholic. There are many definitions of what constitutes and what causes alcoholism. This makes it more difficult for the drinker to admit a problem and also makes it easier to argue that they don't have a problem. Let’s make that a bit clearer. For most people, even today, the word alcoholic still carries a lot of shame. It suggests a damaged person somebody who is different from the rest of society, who has a different psychological or genetic makeup and therefore can't drink. It is very difficult for most people to admit that they are different in any way from everyone else, it is even more difficult if that difference carries with it a sense of shame. Consider how difficult it is admit being different, if that means having to give up something that most people enjoy without any problem.
So the lack of a clear definition of alcoholism can be very useful for the drinker. It means that they can point to various aspects of definitions and say “well I can't be an alcoholic because I don't do that”. For example if we look at the cage questionnaire (a simple assessment tool) it suggests that one of the defining features of alcoholism is the so-called eye-opener, that is having a drink first thing in the morning. Although most people who do drink first thing in the morning would clearly have a drink problem, many people with a drink problem, or even alcoholism, don't drink first thing in the morning. Therefore concentrating too much on a diagnosis of alcoholism can lead to difficulties, and to a very large degree, fails to recognize and address the real problems. Other common arguments are “I can’t be an alcoholic because I don’t drink all the time” or “I don’t get drunk every time I drink”. So what!!
Whether something has a problem with their drinking does not lie in whether they fit a diagnosis or not, but rather whether or not alcohol is causing a problem in their life. For example is it causing problems between themselves and their partner, or between themselves and their friends, or at work, or does their behaviour deteriorate when they drink. These are the real signs of a drink problem. Whether they fit the definition of an alcoholic or not is a side issue. If you have a headache you probably treat it with a pain killer. You almost certainly don’t argue that you don’t need to do something about it because it is not a brain tumour. If you think your partner’s drinking is a problem, it almost certainly is! You don’t need a medical diagnosis to tell you that you are miserable, frightened, embarrassed or however it manifests.
- Related Videos
- Related Articles
- Ask / Related Q&A
- The Importance of Female Self-Esteem in Healthy Relationships
- Why Successful Actors Self-Sabotage
- Alcoholism is a Four Fold Progressive Disease
- Alcoholism Self Test: Can You Diagnose If You Are An Alcoholic?
- Alcoholism Symptoms: Detect and Rehabilitate!
- Three Factors That Make Alcohol Addiction and Drug Addiction a Disease
- The Happy Alcoholic Still Creates Problems
- Alcohol & Addiction in Action: the Life and Death of Joe Rowley




In praise of husbands -- the unsung heroes
By: Raj Krishnaswamy | 04/07/2009Husbands that provide for the family are the real heroes in everyday life. Keeping the family unit together and making sacrifices, these husbands deserve the praise of every wife.
A simple foot massage might do, try it
By: Ronald | 04/07/2009You Don't Need to have a Foot Fetish to Enjoy a Foot Massage! You don't need to have a foot fetish to enjoy giving or getting a great foot massage! You'll be surprised how incredibly relaxing it can be. Many people are concerned they'll be too ticklish to enjoy a foot massage. You use a firmer pressure than you would when being tickled, so that you don't have that same sensation.
Married Advice: Let's Get Away From It All
By: Daryl Campbell | 03/07/2009It is not too hard to figure out why marriages can fall into a rut. Sometimes the answer is to shake things up a bit.
Simple and Easy steps for a successful married life
By: Tej Kumar | 03/07/2009In this fast, mechanical life style Priorities change. After marriage we concentrate on career growth, children etc…, in this flow we may lose the ties between the partners. This may actually lead to a divorce, a break up, or mostly a dissatisfied married life. This is where you find a troubled marriage and your whole life seems to be topsy-turvy. Pause a while and look back, to what you can do, to bring that freshness you tasted in the early years of marriage. Take a look! Small things bring big changes.
ARE YOU IN DENIAL
By: Nath | 03/07/2009Being in denial about certain things in your relationship kilss it, always watch what is happening to your relationship
Wedding Photo Expert: Film Still Trumps Digital
By: glendimaandal | 03/07/2009Australian photography expert Johl Dunn recently shared his thoughts on the great debate pitting traditional film photography against digital photography. He takes the side of film and explains why it's better for your wedding.
Melayu Boleh Wedding Ceremony
By: Maliki Hassan | 02/07/2009Melayu Boleh is two worlds describe the Malay peoples today. Melayu is an ethnic group that has a lot of cultures included in wedding ceremony. There are some guidelines before a couple is getting married. It has some differences between other cultures in the world.
How One Bride's Wedding Plans Took Shape Plus Her Notes of Their Great Wedding Day
By: rror mandrone56 | 02/07/2009Marriage is between a person and a lady, period. Marriage, relationships, and anything of that nature has always struck me as something sacred, something special, something that I might wish to remember for the remainder of my life. Wedding PlanningGet that right and the rest follows. I adore the wedding dress to be standard, as that brings me back to the commitment aspect of a wedding. The best veil colours ...
Is My Partner an Alcoholic?
By: John McMahon | 05/04/2008 | MarriageDo you wonder if you are making a fuss about your partner's drinking or whether he or she really does have a drink problem. Are you isolated, confused feeling that you are going crazy? This article looks at ways to tell if your partner is an alcoholic but suggests that this is probably not the best criteria for assessing drinking problems.
Living With an Alcoholic (part 2)
By: John McMahon | 05/04/2008 | RelationshipsThe first article discussed some things to avoid. This article looks at some actions that may be of help in encouraging the drinker to change. However the bottom line is that, as the partner of the drinker, you need to look after your own life.
20 Signs That you May Have a Problem With Booze
By: John McMahon | 03/03/2007 | HealthDo you ever wonder if you have a problem with your drinking. This article lists some behaviours that might suggest a drinking problem.
What is the Most Addictive Drug?
By: John McMahon | 23/01/2007 | HealthA common debate is what drug is most addictive. This article offers a discussion of some measures of addiction and a comparison of various legal and illegal drugs on these measures.
Should Parents Test Adolescents for Substance Use?
By: John McMahon | 23/01/2007 | RelationshipsThis article discusses some of the pros and cons of using drug testing equipment or a breathalyser in the domestic situation to check if their teenagers are using drugs.
Living With an Alcoholic – Some Dos and Don’ts
By: John McMahon | 23/01/2007 | RelationshipsMost people living with an alcoholic want to change them. This articles offers some tips on behaviour for anyone in a relationship with an alcoholic.