Making Marriage Work

Today is our 48th wedding anniversary. I’m so grateful my husband and I stayed together, and now enjoy the blessings of our commitment. We have a close, loving family unit. Our kids are emotionally stable and successful and we enjoy the nine grandchildren we share together. The best part is, as a couple, our closeness and love have grown over the years. We are content and satisfied with our relationship.

In contrast with that, I look around at many of the people we know and wonder why my husband and I are still married, while many of our family and friends are divorced.

Their lives didn’t seem a whole lot different than ours. We all had our differences, as couples. We all came from different backgrounds, with different habits and beliefs.
At times, none of us liked our mates. Sometimes big challenges happened that really caused problems, but my husband and I stuck it out, while others we knew divorced.

I feel sad for them, because I have seen the consequences of how their lives have turned out. A few seem a little happier, but many of them have remarried and are no happier in their second or third marriages than they were in their first. Their kids have all been seriously affected, because they lost the bond between mom and dad and the security of their family. For most of those kids, after the divorce, their lives seemed to fall apart.

On the other hand, our family is still intact. Our kids didn't get shuffled between mom and dad and a new step mom or step dad. Our kids didn't have to take on a whole new family of stepbrothers and sisters.

I know that in many cases divorce is necessary, for the survival of the individuals involved. On the other had, with a little work, I believe many of the broken marriages I knew could have survived.

I talked with someone, close to me, who is on his third marriage. He told me that he wishes he had worked harder on his first marriage. He said, ”at the time of your break up, you are only thinking of yourself, with no idea what the future and consequences will be or how your divorce will affect your kids.” He said, “people don't think of the alimony, or the conflicts between the two families or how the kids will feel about a family break-up.”

In his case, his new wives did not like his children, but he was expected to like and help theirs. His children had to live with a step dad, who did not love or care for them, like he did. He was not able to be with them and have the influence in their lives he would have liked to have had. He tried to be a good dad, but how good could he be, when he rarely saw his kids because they lived in a different city with his former wife and her new husband?

I'm grateful that my husband and I stayed together, even though there were times when we really weren't getting along and had thoughts of splitting up too. I'm grateful that we were committed to our marriage and even though there were times when we didn't like each other, we hung in, until the negative times passed and we got to like each other again. Each time we went through tough times and survived, our relationship seemed to grow.

We still don't have a perfect life. There still are things I don't like about him and he doesn't like about me, but we have learned to accept each other and even like each other better. The best part is we have an intact family. My kids are his kids and his kids are my kids and we don't have to share them with anyone. We don't have any outsiders involved. We all know each other and appreciate each other and my husband and I don't carry around the guilt, that many of my friends have, of how their divorce has affected their children.

We also, as a couple, love each other more than we did years ago, because we stuck it out. We got to know each other better and understand each other more. We appreciate what our mate has sacrificed, in order to keep our marriage together.

I write this because I hope to encourage other's, who may be thinking of breaking up, to stick it out. Endure the hard times, until they pass. Get counseling, or what ever it takes to solve your problems. If you do, you will likely find you have less problems than if you walk away. A study was done, I’m not sure where, but the outcome was that people who had thought of divorce chose to stick it out and found five years later they were happier in their marriage. While most of those who chose divorce were no happier five years later.

I hope to help you think of reality. Please be fully aware of the long lasting consequences to your children, if you choose to break up your family. How will you feel when you see someone else taking your place, as a mother or father to your children? And what about this? What if you find you loved your mate more than you realized and now it's too late to get them back?

I believe marriages were made in heaven and we were sent to earth to learn how to love and make our marriages work. Lasting marriages don't just happen. They take sacrifice, giving, suffering and enduring. Mostly we both need to learn how to love each other. If we can accomplish unconditional love we can stay together.

A close happy family, where people appreciate, love and accept each other is the greatest blessing you will ever find in this life. It can become a very spiritual experience where you feel God’s hand in your life. It is worth the growing pains. It is worth sacrifice. It is worth enduring. It is worth getting help to make it work.
Don't give up too soon! Your happy life might be, right around the corner. You just can't see it yet. Do everything you can to make your marriage work and keep your family together.