Marital Infidelity: the One Thing You Must Control

In a study published by the Associated Press, roughly 17% of all divorces in the United States are due to marital infidelity. On the surface many people would consider that number miniscule; that is until they realize it represents millions of couples.

Why some people commit fully to a relationship one minute and then throw it away the next by having an extramarital affair has been the subject of discussion since the beginning of time. We are all familiar with some of the excuses as to why a spouse cheats. Things such as their current relationship has grown stale or no one has ever loved them like the other person are old standbys.  It has also in way to many circumstances come down to a lack of self control. They want what they want and no one is going to stand in their way; especially not the person who they are married too. End of discussion.

That kind of attitude can easily arouse strong feelings in the spouse who is the victim of marital infidelity.  The most common of these emotions is anger. It is understandable. You are giving everything you've got to make the marriage work and building a relationship is a never ending process.

Spending time and energy are only small portions of the equation. The real heavy lifting comes when you invest yourself emotionally and spiritually. Doing this leaves you vulnerable since you are trusting the other person to believe in you and accept what you have to offer.

They have seen you to the core of who you are as person so when marital infidelity becomes a reality, it feels like not only have they carelessly discarded you but also exposed you to the ultimate humiliation. 

And here comes the anger.  No one or nothing is going to make a fool out of you at least not without paying dearly for it. They screwed up. There will be no forgive and forget just revenge in one form or another.   

Stop right there. All you are about to do is make matters MUCH WORSE than they are right now. Sure they initiated the problem and no matter the mind games they attempt to play with you it still remains exclusively their fault and responsibility. Don't let them off the hook by seeking payback. Your pride is hurt but it will heal. If you let it take over your thought process, it could easily lead you into places that will be a nightmare with no escape.

If you feel that strongly about it than the best thing you can do after finding out your spouse is having an extramarital affair is end the relationship. Whether you have been together 1 week or 30 years, you should be of the mindset that they (not you) blew it. They had a good thing going but now it's all gone. You still had so much to give and share but because of their thoughtlessness they permanently loused up a golden opportunity to get to know more about the fantastic you. Let your ego stay focused on that basic truth. 

Only a cheating spouse knows why they cheat. Apparently giving them one hundred percent of yourself is not always good enough. That's life but it doesn't mean you need to fall into the trap of seeking revenge. Their infidelity may have destroyed the relationship but don't let the anger you feel destroy your life.