 |
Marriage Lessons: a Golden-anniversary Couple Share Their Wisdom
Author: Richard Nicastro, Ph.D.  | Posted: 12-03-2008 | Comments: 0 | Views: 12 | Rating: (58)  (?) 
 No matter how well your relationship is humming along right now, there's room for the advice of relationship mentors. Couples who have been together for many years (and who have been relatively happy, despite the inevitable rough patches) have discovered what has benefited their relationship the most. And they can help you do the same.
I recently interviewed Pete and Angie, a couple celebrating their fiftieth wedding anniversary. They were eager to share what has worked in their marriage. Here are some of the highlights:
Words of Wisdom from Pete and Angie
1. Angie: "Sometimes you will want to strangle your soulmate."
This statement speaks volumes and, of course, is not meant literally. It cuts through the overly romanticized and unrealistic notions that many couples hold about love and relationships. If your expectations about marriage or long-term relationships are unrealistic (based on a Hollywood depiction or the heady infatuation you felt early on), you will be let down and feel disillusioned about love. Love is often thrilling, but love also exists side by side with the more mundane realities of our existence.
Take-away: What allows you to hold onto the bigger picture, even when your soulmate drives you crazy?
2. Pete: "Respect each other, above all else."
Pete and Angie talked about respect in different ways. Angie stressed the importance of respecting each others' differences--whether these differences emerged as contrary opinions (e.g., your partner doesn't share the same religious beliefs as you) or differences in your personalities (e.g., Angie's talkative and social, Pete is subdued and a homebody).
Pete made the point of saying that it's also important that you never belittle or demean each other. While most of us assume that this type of respect is a given, it wasn't for Pete since he grew up in a family where verbal abuse was the norm (Pete and his mother were often victims of his father's verbal abuse). It was his determination to behave differently from his father that allowed Pete to change the course of his marriage.
Take-away: In what ways do you show your partner respect? How can you become more accepting of the differences that exist between you and your partner?
3. Angie: "We're in it for the long haul."
This is a great definition of commitment. A relationship without commitment is like a sailboat without sails--your relationship will flounder and drift, pulled by the tides instead of in your control. Commitment is the glue that keeps the relationship together and moving forward. Pete and Angie knew they wanted to grow old together and created a shared relationship vision.
They stressed the importance of building an atmosphere of teamwork and collegiality. Their relationship unfolded like a series of book chapters, many planned, others written by forces beyond their control. At times it was sheer commitment that kept them together--and they're glad it did.
Take-away: How do you show your commitment to your marriage or relationship? If your partner were interviewed, how would s/he describe your commitment?
4. Pete: "Speak your truth."
There is a certain freedom that comes with being able to speak your mind. Buried feelings and hidden resentments are less likely to fester when you speak your truth. A level of decorum and diplomacy, of course, is essential while communicating--whether your truth involves feelings, opinions or feedback to your partner. The challenge for all of us is to speak our truths in such a way that doesn't hurt the other and that allows intimacy to grow.
Take-away: Are you able to share your deepest truths with your partner? If not, what gets in the way? Does the energy you give off make your partner feel safe enough to speak her/his deepest truths?
5. Angie: "Find the middle ground."
Compromise and acceptance are vital for the success of any relationship. Angie believes these are some of the most important parts of a fulfilling, meaningful relationship.
She explained, "If you're unwilling to grow and change as a person, your marriage is going to fall flat on its face. In order to compromise, you have to give in and admit when you're wrong, and believe me, that's not easy. We all think we're right and the other person's wrong; I've learned to accept what I can't change about Pete and our marriage. I ask for things in a way that makes Pete more willing to compromise…He had to do the same. He's grown too."
When you and your partner work as a team, when you realize that you're both reaching for the same goals (albeit, in different ways at times), it will be easier to find the all-important middle ground.
Take-away: How good are you at compromising, at finding the middle ground? What steps do you need to take to become a more effective communicator? To become more effective at compromising?
I hope you're able to bring something Angie and Pete shared with us to your own relationship.
To receive FREE monthly tips on how to build deeper intimacy, visit http://StrengthenYourRelationship.com/ and sign up for Dr. Nicastro's Relationship Toolbox Newsletter.
As a bonus, you will receive the popular free reports: "The four mindsets that can topple your relationship" and "Relationship self-defense: Control the way you argue before your arguments control you."
Rate this Article:
Current: 0 / 5 stars - 0 vote(s).
Article Source: http://www.articlesbase.com/marriage-articles/marriage-lessons-a-goldenanniversary-couple-share-their-wisdom-357972.html
About the Author:Richard Nicastro, Ph.D. is a relationship coach and psychologist who is passionate about helping couples protect the sanctuary of their relationship. Rich is cofounder of LifeTalk Coaching, an Internet-based coaching business that helps couples strengthen their relationships.
|
Submitting articles has become one of the most popular means of generating quality backlinks and targeted traffic to your website. Join us today - It's Free! |
|
Related Articles
Healthy Relationship, Healthy Self: Build a Stronger Connection Through Self-intimacy
By: Richard Nicastro, Ph.D. | 12/03/2008 | Marriage
The hallmark of a healthy marriage or relationship is feeling close and attuned to your partner, but maintaining this connection isn't always easy. Therefore, finding ways to enhance intimacy is a priority for all couples. This article explores how the intimacy in your relationship is impacted by the type of relationship you have with yourself (self-intimacy).
Relationship Resiliency: Positive Interactions and your Relationship
By: Richard Nicastro, Ph.D. | 01/10/2007 | Marriage
Marriage experts often focus on overcoming relationship problems. Couples also need information about how to improve their relationship by nurturing positive experiences. Research shows that the way you and your partner interact when sharing positive events will have a dramatic impact on the health of your relationship.
A Simple Formula to Keep Love and Intimacy Alive
By: Richard Nicastro, Ph.D. | 05/04/2008 | Marriage
One of the most effective ways to keep love alive and deepen intimacy is to find ways to make your spouse or partner feel cared for and important. Couples often neglect this vital part of their relationship. This article describes ways to make appreciation a regular part of your marriage or relationship.
Build a Better Relationship: Use Your Emotions to Deepen Intimacy
By: Richard Nicastro, Ph.D. | 14/06/2008 | Marriage
Emotions are an important part of every life and therefore an important part of every relationship. Learning to use your emotions as a tool to create a deeper connection with your partner can take your relationship to the next level.
Build a Stronger Marriage by Setting Relationship Goals
By: Richard Nicastro, Ph.D. | 06/09/2007 | Marriage
Relationship goals can offer a simple, yet powerful, means to keeping your relationship on track and moving forward. This article suggests ways to assess areas of your relationship that can benefit from fresh goals.
Intimacy 101: Uncover the Hidden Rules That Run Your Relationship
By: Richard Nicastro, Ph.D. | 11/05/2008 | Marriage
Like society, all relationships (including yours) are governed by rules. These rules help determine a wide range of behaviors, especially how you and your partner communicate and achieve intimacy. The danger is that many of these powerful rules remain unspoken and out of your awareness. Becoming mindful of your intimacy-rules is an important step in creating a strong and lasting marriage or relationship.
Marriage Alert: Why Falling Out of Like is Dangerous to Your Marriage
By: Richard Nicastro, Ph.D. | 23/06/2008 | Marriage
People start dating because they like each other. However, once they fall in love, couples often ignore the important role that liking one another plays in marriages and relationships. This is a dangerous omission, since falling out of like often sets the stage for falling out of love.
Treat Her Like a Queen
By: Jim Lim | 10/01/2008 | Marriage
Chances are if treat your wife like a Queen she may just treat you like a King?
Got a Question? Ask.
Ask the community a question about this article:
Frequently Asked Questions
How do I save my marriage?
By: Dreamcickle | 21-07-2008
I'm 35 yrs. old married to the man I love & he no longer desires me. In short, with is abusive words, he says I drove him there. He doesn't trust me with NOTHING; not money, our new born child, to make any kind of good decisions, NOTHING. With his job we only see eachother on average 12 days out of the month. I never had a problem in trusting his faithfulness to me but now I'm not sure anymore if he's having an affair or not. He rejects my advances & when it does happen it feels like he's making himself do something he doesn't want to . We repeat the same pattern every time he comes home. I try to work on the things he says I do but he never admits when he's wrong, there is nothing for him to fix or change about himself, & he knows what he's doing, according to him. I never thought I would get to the point of wanting out of my marriage but I'm tired. It's been rough from the word go & we've only been married for 3 years. I want my marriage to work but it doesn't seem like he does. I'm so tired. I've prayed, I've cried, I've fussed, & I've said nothing just to try to keep peace. Nothing is working. Any ideas???????? Anyone, I'm desperate!!!!!!!!!
I met this guy in an online chatroom after ...
By: GOBE | 21-07-2008
I met this guy in an online chatroom after googling 'free chatroom' his chatroom name was "viper ryan" and we chatted for like an hour and he was very sweet,cordual and quite a gentleman. he offered to show himself to me on a cam. he was extreemly good looking (im not exaggerating!) think ryan sheckler but better. we moved onto a more adult form of chatting/camming and talked/lusted for about 3 hours. he showed me his ~anatomy~ but was not nasty or rude. it was a dream meeting. i cant believe it but i really began to fall for him and now i fear not ever seeing him again. i have felt anxious and out of place ever since i said boodbye. i gave him my e-mail address but forgot to ask for his. im 18 and i believe he said he was 20. i cant think of a good question but i need opinions. were both single but live half the us away from each other. HELP!!! what should i do?
Why does he get so mad??
By: ConfusedGirl | 21-07-2008
wow mannnn im so confused.. my b/f gets mad at me for NO reason even the little things that i don't even mean to do, he still gets what.. What is his problem? I don't get why he is like that after we been together for 6 months. And like rite now he is talking to one of his homegurls about why he is mad.. Shouldnt he come to me for that instead of them.?? Idk i love him and all and it makes me cry sometimes cause idk what to do to make him happy.. : ( I really don't want to lose him. But i always cry everytime we get into a fight im starting to get tired of it. Idk what to do. HELP!
Can i ask her out again later
By: Balistix330 | 20-07-2008
Okay so she lives next door, we are in highschool (shes a year younger) I LOVE HER a couple weeks ago we were holding hands in the pool and stuff and i was like *cool She is the nicest girl i know I DONT JUST LIKE HER FOR HER BODY OR LOOKS she has a great personality I asked her out... she said "Sorry but, i dont like you" I WAS LIKE WTF but i still love her should i befriend her more and try again WE ARE STILL GREAT FRIENDS If i can ask her out again in how long GIVE ME SOME GUIDELINES i KNOW she would like who i really am, but i find it hard to be myself arround girls (not just her) HELP ME
oh yeah and I HATE MYSELF for doing it on text she was out of town (i asked her out on a txt message) but she has done it before with other guys (asking out on text) idk help me
Love
By: sexy | 20-07-2008
are me and my man meant to be
How do u tell some one your falling for them??? please help!!!!!!!?
By: joakim wife | 20-07-2008
How do u tell some one your falling for them??? please help!!!!!!!?
this guy told me he liked me the other day and than i saw him today and he wouldnt talk to me like he use to and i really like him but i dont know what to do how can i tell him what i should have said yeasterday?
Q&A Powered by: 
Latest Marriage Articles
Wedding Ring: Not Just Any Jewelry
By: Apurva Shree | 26/07/2008
Wedding ring is one of the most pleasant memories of that special moment in your life when you exchange vows with the person you love the most and will be spending the rest of your life with.
Celtic Wedding Rings: A Modern Tradition
By: Apurva Shree | 26/07/2008
Many couples look for wedding bands to symbolize their relationship, and Celtic wedding rings are among the most expressive designs currently available. A Celtic design can do wonders for the couple who wishes to demonstrate their ancestral heritage, their philosophical beliefs, or just their personal connection.
I Am Good at Being Single
By: Robert | 25/07/2008
I am happy being single, but I think most people devalue the benefits of living the single life, fear it and even pity those of us who are living it.
Relationship Coach Advises How You Can Tell Your Spouse that You Are Not Satisfied
By: Jack Ito | 25/07/2008
How can you tell your spouse that there are problems in the marriage without making the problems even bigger?
Cheating Spouse - 10 Secret Emotional Signs Everyone Needs To Know
By: Kwame Ofori | 25/07/2008
There are physical and emotional signs of cheating. Emotional signs of cheating are more difficult to recognize because they may not always be obvious and can easily be dismissed. You should learn about the common emotional signs so you can be better at spotting them.
Signs of a Cheating Wife - Learn The Scret Of Using a Journal To Catch Her
By: Kwame Ofori | 24/07/2008
If you are looking for signs that your wife is cheating on you and how to catch her using a journal. Then read this article. Here we reveal the secret benefit, how to start and use a journal.
Wedding Venues - Tips to Choosing a Great Venue
By: Darrell F | 24/07/2008
The first thing to pop up in your mind when you’re planning your wedding is your wedding venue. This is because wedding venue must suit your wedding theme, besides taking the budget consideration. As the traditional way, couples usually plan on marrying in a church while nowadays many couples prefer to have the wedding ceremony and reception all in 1 place where it is more convenience.
How to Save Your Marriage
By: Nikola Dimitrov | 24/07/2008
Well, it is definitely not so hard to save a marriage, provided that one or both partners are willing to do several very simple and logical steps. You see, men and women are so different, and hereby it appears that family is a hard thing to maintain, and yet exactly family is meant by God to be our greatest blessing.
More from Richard Nicastro, Ph.D.
Relationship Alert: Discover How This Common Habit Can Ruin Your Relationship
By: Richard Nicastro, Ph.D. | 22/07/2008 | Marriage
People are always comparing themselves to others. It becomes a habit and is often so automatic that you might not even be aware you're doing it. Compare-and-contrast thinking leads to unnecessary criticalness that can damage your relationship. Learn how to identify and prevent this destructive type of habitual thinking in your own relationship.
Marriage Alert: Why Falling Out of Like is Dangerous to Your Marriage
By: Richard Nicastro, Ph.D. | 23/06/2008 | Marriage
People start dating because they like each other. However, once they fall in love, couples often ignore the important role that liking one another plays in marriages and relationships. This is a dangerous omission, since falling out of like often sets the stage for falling out of love.
Build a Better Relationship: Use Your Emotions to Deepen Intimacy
By: Richard Nicastro, Ph.D. | 14/06/2008 | Marriage
Emotions are an important part of every life and therefore an important part of every relationship. Learning to use your emotions as a tool to create a deeper connection with your partner can take your relationship to the next level.
Relationship First Aid: How to Heal a Fear of Intimacy
By: Richard Nicastro, Ph.D. | 10/06/2008 | Marriage
A fear of intimacy is one of the greatest challenges couples face on the road to creating a healthy relationship. However, the term "fear of intimacy" is often misunderstood and does not help you overcome these fears. This article describes how a fear of intimacy can be negatively impacting your marriage or relationship.
Intimacy 101: Uncover the Hidden Rules That Run Your Relationship
By: Richard Nicastro, Ph.D. | 11/05/2008 | Marriage
Like society, all relationships (including yours) are governed by rules. These rules help determine a wide range of behaviors, especially how you and your partner communicate and achieve intimacy. The danger is that many of these powerful rules remain unspoken and out of your awareness. Becoming mindful of your intimacy-rules is an important step in creating a strong and lasting marriage or relationship.
Relationship Help: How the Latest Research Can Transform Your Relationship
By: Richard Nicastro, Ph.D. | 13/04/2008 | Marriage
Research shows that your brain undergoes significant changes when you fall in love. This article explores how you can apply these research findings to create deeper intimacy and a more rewarding marriage or relationship.
A Simple Formula to Keep Love and Intimacy Alive
By: Richard Nicastro, Ph.D. | 05/04/2008 | Marriage
One of the most effective ways to keep love alive and deepen intimacy is to find ways to make your spouse or partner feel cared for and important. Couples often neglect this vital part of their relationship. This article describes ways to make appreciation a regular part of your marriage or relationship.
Sex, Lies and Secrets: is Secrecy Destroying Your Marriage?
By: Richard Nicastro, Ph.D. | 28/03/2008 | Marriage
Secrets block intimacy and are destructive to your relationship. It's important to understand the reasons behind the need to keep secrets from your partner (or vice versa) in order to overcome this destructive tendency.
|
|
Relationships 
