Married Advice: Let's Get Away From It All

There is a lot of excitement and anticipation in the air. Plans have been in the works for months and today it is all coming together.

This one has all the trimmings. The beautiful church, the large reception hall decorated to perfection. Maids of honor, groomsmen, ring bearers, musicians photographers and a wedding cake that is so huge they started building it a year before the actual wedding.  Let's face it this wedding required more strategy and coordination than the Berlin Airlift.

And why not? It's a once in a lifetime affair for the two participants as well as the family. No one can blame them for wanting to go all out. Make it something that people in attendance will talk about for years to come. 

But as Cindy La Ferle at The Desert News observes, that is sort of the problem: "Sadly, we're not giving young couples the tools they really need -- relationship guidance and basic life skills -- to construct a durable marriage. Faithful consumers that we are, we assume that endowing newlyweds with stuff from an upscale bridal registry will ensure a happy union."   

It's estimated that fifty percent of all marriages end in divorce. There are of course a whole host of reasons for this but not being prepared for the journey ahead is arguably a major part of it.

Even if years of coaching and preparation were in place it would not stop people from getting divorce. Life intrudes and sometimes quite forcibly and nasty. The best laid plans are no match for the curves reality can throw at you sometimes. So it's important to remember a few things.

1. The Beginning
There is a tendency to treat the wedding ceremony as the crown jewel of the marriage. That's when everything is more or less close to perfect and the feelings of love and happiness are intense. But in all honesty the wedding no matter how wonderful is just the pregame warm up. Once the ceremony and subsequent honeymoon are over then the real game starts.

2. For Better Or Worse
This tag line may be included in most wedding vows, yet when things go south; it's the one that most people forget. Or more specifically they remember the first part and skip the second.

Things get rough, whether within the marriage or outside forces which exert a major impact on the relationship. Therefore understand better or worse is not some throwaway phrase. It's a signal to stay alert and stay strong which leads to…
 
3. Against The World

You both are in it together.  That means sometimes you may be battling forces that will do everything to pull the two of you apart. Temptation and money problems are just two of them. Then there are forces which are more subtle. Family and friends that for there own reasons would be more than happy to see your marriage crumble. Just remember your spouse is the closest family member and best friend you have. Treat them as such.

4. The Never Ending Work Zone

When do you reach that point of total nirvana in your marriage? You don't. Five months or fifty years there's not a day that goes by that you don't have to work at the relationship. When you think you have the other person figured out and can coast a little bit that's the time you get thrown for a loop. Try to treat everyday with your spouse like the first time you two started dating. Easier said then done to be sure.  Not doing so however can slide the relationship into the danger area of complacency.  

Enjoy the wedding with all your might.  Accept the love and support that is coming from everyone in attendance. Do everything you can to make it one of the best times of your life and cherish the memory for all it's worth. Then be thankful that you understand there is a long journey ahead with many twist and terms. Be more thankful that you chose the right person to travel with.