Married and Cheating: the Cake,the Bakery and You

There is an assumption in some quarters that when a spouse is discovered to be involved in an extramarital affair that they want to end their marriage and move on to new terrain. Get a fresh start with someone they met and fell for.

That does not apply for all cheating spouses. As a matter of fact in many instances it is the exact opposite. They have no want or desire to end their marriage. This type of cheating spouse wants it all.

1. The Security

They are out their running the streets for lack of a better term. But they know when it's all over they have a place to come home to filled with a spouse and children that love them. The bills are paid, money is being saved in all the right places and above all that it feels very comfortable to be a part of a "cohesive" family unit

2. Appearance

A "stable" home life gives the appearance of normalcy and that's just how many a cheating spouse likes it. It guarantees their status in the community will remain unaffected. No one will think any different about them because the spouse and kids are unsuspectingly providing them with the perfect cover. 

3. The Reckless Kite

They can go out there and have rendezvous with whomever, wherever and whenever. It's like the days when they were single only the difference is they know something and someone is there to make sure it does not go too far. That something is responsibility (believe it or not) and that someone is you. It's like an invisible cord is giving them the freedom to fly as high as they like because they know you will be there to pull them back. You don't know they are having an affair of course but consciously or not they are using you to reel them back in when the winds get too strong.

4. The Blindspot

They just don't see anything wrong with having a marriage and an extramarital affair. It is what it is and so many people do it. So what the problem? In their mind they are taking care of all their spousal and family duties what they do outside of the home is just one of those things. Funny how that blind spot would not exist if the shoe were on the other foot.

For many a cheating spouse the last thing they want to do is break up their "happy" home. They tell themselves they really do love their family it's just for whatever reason they need to go out and fool around occasionally. Wrecking the relationship they are currently in is the furthest thing from their mind.