Married and Cheating: You Made Them Do it

In a poll conducted by the Associated Press, 70 percent of married women and 54 percent of married men were not aware of the fact that their spouse was having an extramarital affair. This would explain why discovering marital infidelity comes as a thunder clap too many of us.

That however is probably not the worst of it. Turns out their infidelity is your fault. At this point you more that like do a double take. You didn't break your vows and neither did you give them a free pass to cheat on you so what are they talking about?

Whether it is just being defensive at getting caught or something a little more calculating the whole point is to assign as much of the blame to you as possible. With many a cheating spouse the more the better. If they can get away with making you the villain than mission accomplished.

What are some of the reasons they give that you have to watch out for.

1. Where were you?

Your job of some other responsibility has taken you away from them. Now the time the two of you spend together becomes less and less. You significant other start to feel like the ties that bind are getting a little too loose and it's all your fault.

2. Something or Someone Better

They love you but something inside tells them to keep searching. So they meet someone who makes them feel better than you ever could or so they tell themselves conveniently dismissing the obvious effort you consistently put forth to keep the relationship strong. Chances are they will keep using this excuse for every new affair they get into.

3. Flame Out

The two of you but mostly you don't spark like you used to. Every time they were in the mood you were not. This neglects the fact that on more than a few occasions they turned down your advances. For the cheating spouse that is not the issue. The point is you didn't satisfy their needs when they want you two. Instead of a mutual agreement it becomes an exclusive contract with one individual deciding and in essence controlling the intimacy.

4. Just One of Things

They can't figure out why you are making such a big deal about it. It was a one time affair, the other person has moved to another state and it will never happen again. They've never done anything like this before and since there is no history (at least as you know) of marital infidelity you can chalk it up to a fluke. Their matter of fact attitude stuns you but their stunned even more because they cannot understand why you are not looking at it from this perspective.

Not knowing your significant other is cheating doesn't absolve you from all blame according to many an unfaithful spouse. If only you had done more of this and less of that; then they would not have carried on an extramarital infidelity. The sad part is when many a spouse that has been wronged start to believe it.