Oprah Expet Ruffles Feathers: Why Men Cheat

I'm not sure if you've seen it or not, but chances are you heard about it. Oprah had relationship expert M. Gary Neuman on her show to discuss his new book, "The Truth About Cheating", and he ruffled a few feathers.

I thought it was a great interview, but a lot of people, women in particular, were upset. See, Neuman's book is about why men stray and what you can do to prevent it.

After the show, a lot of women felt like Neuman was blaming them for their spouse having an affair. In his research, which included over 25,000 interviews, Neuman's data revealed that the main reason men cheat is because of lack of attention at home.

Contrary to popular belief, men, like women, have a need to feel important and valued in a relationship. The need a feeling of self-worth, and want their wives to be happy and proud of them.

What women took from this was that he was giving men an excuse to cheat and then pass the blame on to their wives. I disagree.

He was trying to emphasize why men would consider stepping outside of the relatiosnhip. He used sports as an anology of how men have to feel a sense of winning. When a man's team is playing, you often notice a sense of ownership on the man's part, as if he has a stake in the team's perfomance.

But what happens when the team is getting blown out? The man loses interest in the game and finds something else to do. This is by no means an excuse for a man to cheat, but rather points out that men need love, affection, and attention from their wives, just as their wives need from them.

Affairs are a strain on any relationship, and it's important to understand that if an affair is happening or if you think it is happening, the truth is there is something wrong in your relationship.

The long and short of this is that both parties in any relationship really need to indentify what each other wants and needs. Only then can you grow your relationship into the one you always dreamed of.

There is no sense in holding back your feelings. Your partner or spouse won't be able to address your needs until they are clearly defined.

If you get to this point, and I hope you don't, you need to indentify the problems in your relationship and develop solutions for those problems. If you want to catch your spouse cheating, I suggest the book by Neuman or the book "Cheating Spouses Revealed".

Both are fantastic for helping you identify reasons people cheat, how to catch them, and how to recover.

To Your Marriage!