Please Don’t Preach’ Let Girls Decide When They Want to Get Married

Whenever a girl turns 20-21 years of age, she becomes a topic of discussion for most of her relatives. Everyone in the world seems to be worried about her marriage. Every day new proposals come to her from her aunts who are always on the mission of match hunting. They believe that it is their utmost duty to get their daughter/niece (whatever!) married as soon as possible. For them every prospective match is Shahrukh Khan or Abhishek Bachchan, whom the girl may lose if she turns a little older. They don’t realise the sex ratio in India is so low, that it will be difficult for boys to find girls and not vice versa.

Most of the time, it is the society which contributes to this rush.  Marriage of a girl becomes a universal phenomenon the moment she reaches the so-called 'right age'.  Now the question is... what is the meaning of 'right age'? Does it mean to get married as soon as you are 20-21 or does it mean to get married when you can actually take up so many responsibilities? It is not only the question of age but also level of maturity. One has to distinguish between the two - the right age or the right mindset. And Indian girls are now mature enough to balance both. They know what is the 'right age' and the 'right time' for them to get married.

These days, girls are groomed and nurtured in such a manner that they grow up to be independent and outgoing. In fact, they have the ability to rationally balance their personal life as well as their professional life. They can carry responsibilities on their shoulder once they think the time is right.

But much before the ‘right time’ comes a prospective match, who is probably a rich, handsome boy with all the perfect qualities. Mothers feel that probably they have got everything which they want in their son-in-law. Then, they leave on the mission to entice their daughters for that match (and in most of the cases, believe me, they are successful in enticing!). And then, all other dreams and aspirations of those girls vanish and they start dreaming about utopian life, which is waiting for them. It is a natural tendency to get enticed by such mesmerising proposals but is it right to forget your own dreams. All this comes at a cost of career and education sacrifice, which can help them reach newer heights.

I once read a Hindi story called ‘Chauthe Abba’, where a girl’s decisions were always suppressed by the four most important men in her life, her father, her brother, her husband and her son. Since her childhood, she was a victim of patriarchal decisions. She was forbidden to go to a school trip because her father believed that boys in school misbehave. After completing her school life, she was sure that she wanted to pursue science further but her brother coaxed her to join all-girls College. Then the poor female prepared her mind and decided to pursue English Literature and planned to become a journalist. After her three years of graduation, when she reached home rejoiced with her college degree, she was told that it’s time for her to get married. Her hopes of having a successful career ahead were devastated but she was told that she could continue with her studies after marriage. And after getting married, as predicted her husband refused her to pursue a job or further studies and her life of suppression continued until the day when she came to know that her husband got a job in some outstation. That moment, she felt that probably now she could live happily with her husband and her soon to be born child. But she was refused again because of her pregnancy. After giving birth to a new baby boy, she embraces the child and says, “Yeh mere Chaauthe Abba hain”.

All their lives, girls or women live for others or they are just expected to be dependent on others. Even an ambitious female who has the ability to move ahead in life is suppressed. She is expected to live a life of submission As a result, some girls find happiness in submission. They don’t feel the need of being a survivor in this big bad world. They are happy sacrificing their lives on the mercy others, where their fathers, brothers and children can take decisions for them. These decisions can be right or wrong but they are only second – hand.

These days, girls are well-educated and they know what is right or wrong for them. Parents should trust and not entrust their daughters for big decisions like marriage in their lives.