Is life more manageable because of your partner? Do you ever feel upbeat and rejuvenated after spending time with your spouse? Does a reassuring word from your loved one bring you comfort and peace?
Intimate relationships have the power to make you feel happier, energized and more alive. These experiences stem in part from the emotional connection and closeness you feel with your partner. Because counseling works in a similar fashion, it’s helpful to look at it in this context.
Your relationship might not be so different from therapy:
There are many different forms of psychotherapy, and each therapist has his/her own unique style. This means that if you seek counseling and work with ten different therapists, you will have ten very distinct therapy experiences. Would one type of therapy be more effective than another? Not necessarily, because there is one feature all therapies—and all relationships—share.
Out of all the therapeutic approaches, the most healing experience of therapy arises out of the connection that develops between you and your therapist. While therapists are skilled at nurturing this type of therapeutic connection, the conditions that form this type of bond are not unique to therapy. In fact, you might already act in ways that create this type of bond in your own relationship.
Two ingredients necessary for intimacy and emotional healing:
Therapists create a healing connection by:
1. Showing unconditional acceptance of a client.
2. Communicating an understanding of a client’s deepest struggles.
When these conditions are present, the relationship becomes therapeutic, and healing can take place. Why is this so important? Because we all need acceptance and understanding from another human being. When these vital ingredients are missing from our life, we can’t reach our full potential.
Important parallels exist between your relationship with your partner and the kind of relationship formed in therapy. Unconditional acceptance creates an atmosphere of safety—it allows you to let down your guard and truly be yourself, trusting in the security that you will not be judged or criticized. Once your guard is down and you feel secure, you’re able to become fully authentic and vulnerable with your partner.
It is vital that you and your partner create conditions that allow mutual vulnerabilities to surface. It’s the communication of these shared vulnerabilities and that experience of mutual understanding that allows a meaningful, healing connection to form.
Nurture intimacy by communicating an understanding of your partner’s core vulnerabilities.
We all bring emotional vulnerabilities into our relationships, areas of our psyche where we feel totally raw and unprotected. These core vulnerabilities usually house our deepest hopes and fears, aspirations and longings. Just a hint of criticism is enough for you to quickly cover up and guard these parts of yourself. Our deepest pain occurs in these areas, as well as our most rewarding connections with others.
There’s no denying that your marriage or relationship can lift you to heights you haven’t imagined and drop you to lows that you never dreamed of. When you make unconditional acceptance and understanding a regular part of your relationship, you sow the seeds of intimacy and your marriage enjoys a deep, fulfilling attachment.
Related Articles
One Couple’s Recipe for Success: Building Intimacy Through the Art of Sharing
By: Richard Nicastro, Ph.D. | 23/08/2007 | Marriage
Successful couples work at discovering ways to connect with one another. This article explores the importance of sharing experiences that are typically done in isolation. A couple married for over fifty years shares the wisdom of what has worked in their marriage.
Communication Rx: How to Discuss Sensitive Issues With your Partner
By: Richard Nicastro, Ph.D. | 18/11/2007 | Relationships
Most of us are aware of the importance of tactful, diplomatic communication at work. Unfortunately, too many of us leave those skills at the office and our intimate relationships can suffer as a result. This article offers suggestions for ways to discuss sensitive topics with your mate.
Build a Stronger Marriage by Setting Relationship Goals
By: Richard Nicastro, Ph.D. | 06/09/2007 | Marriage
Relationship goals can offer a simple, yet powerful, means to keeping your relationship on track and moving forward. This article suggests ways to assess areas of your relationship that can benefit from fresh goals.
A Lesson in Forgiveness: Why you Should Give your Partner the Benefit of the Doubt
By: Richard Nicastro, Ph.D. | 20/08/2007 | Marriage
Giving your partner the benefit of the doubt is a powerful (yet often overlooked) way to keep your relationship strong and vibrant. This article discusses appropriate instances when this attitude works, as well as times when it should be avoided.
Healthy Relationship Program: Create Rituals and Transform your Relationship
By: Richard Nicastro, Ph.D. | 25/09/2007 | Marriage
One of the most powerful ways of connecting with your partner is also one of the simplest and most overlooked. Mutually satisfying activities are often a big part of relationships early on. Unfortunately, life’s stressors and competing responsibilities can eventually pull partners in different directions. This article gives suggestions for creating rituals with your partner that fit into day-to-day life.
Relationship Resiliency: 3 Simple Ways to Strengthen your Relationship
By: Richard Nicastro, Ph.D. | 15/11/2007 | Marriage
This article discusses three simple ways to improve your relationship. Even relationship difficulties that have existed for quite some time can often be improved with these straightforward, common-sense solutions.
Relationship Rut: New Life for Old Routines
By: Richard Nicastro, Ph.D. | 21/10/2007 | Marriage
Relationship ruts are a natural part of all relationships. However, if ignored for too long, ruts can begin to squeeze the life out of even a healthy relationship. This article offers some suggestions about breaking out of stale routines and infusing your union with new life.
Rejuvenate your Relationship Through the Power of Gratitude
By: Richard Nicastro, Ph.D. | 16/09/2007 | Marriage
Cultivating a mindset of gratitude gives you a powerful tool to positively affect your relationship or marriage. In addition to elevating your happiness, gratitude will help you redirect your attention to the strengths your partner brings to the relationship. An atmosphere of positive emotion and enhanced intimacy will follow.
Got a Question? Ask.
Ask the community a question about this article:
Frequently Asked Questions
Who will be my first love ?
By: mnsh | 28-10-2007
who will be my first love ?
Shoud i confess!
By: crazy90 | 27-10-2007
im 17. i cheated on my boyfriend about a year ago and i was going through an abortion, we was both arguing and breaking up and i dont know what drove me to do it, everytime i look at him i feel reaslly guilty we made a fresh start and he asked me if i have ever cheated on him and i said no, should i feel guilty and should i confess??! HELP!
Do you know "Chucky"?He is such a great guy!I am ...
By: angelkiss | 26-10-2007
Do you know "Chucky"?He is such a great guy!I am glad that he is my friend!Good men like chucky are hard to find!I always go and check and see if he asked any questions,cause i find them so interesting!Here's to you,chucky babe!!You are great!!
Does she like me
By: magnetic_pulse | 26-10-2007
Hello,Im having a difficult time figuring out whether or not a girl is interested in me. There's a lot a reasons why i could say she does but they could also be way off. This is long but i think it helps to answer.Just so you know a little about me i am a female to male transexual and that has a little to do with answering this question. I don't care for ignorant comments. For those who are understanding it would be great to have your feedback.I've been very fond of this girl for a year now. The first time we started noticing each other we would look at one another and smile. We were both pretty shy and the first time i sat next to her to talk to one of her friends i met before knowing her she was very quiet and would laugh at my jokes.The first time we talked was at a vegetarian club meeting. She told me "Dean i really like you" and i didnt know whether she was being friendly or meant it because we never spoke before hand. I smiled at her because we were in a group of people helping cook food.She also asked to put something around my wrist for the peace awareness week.Everytime we saw each other from that point she would give me a high five( or find some way to touch my hand)and smile. Sometimes she would pick on me out of nowhere. I never had a good comeback.This one time i hurt my hand and pulled back fast and said ouch, she told me that that was cute and i acted like i didnt hear it and said what..she said something along the lines of "i thought that was cute" but tried to cover it up like she didnt mean to say it or didnt want me to know and i made a small comment to show that she could say that to me and it didnt bother me.She seemed to really like her space though and still does. Which makes me wonder whether or not she likes me. One day she'll say we don't talk enough, tell me that im not around enough and have long conversations. The next she will not want to talk at all.I thought maybe the mixed signals had to do with her questioning her sexuality because I've heard her make many comments about the same sex and on her myspace it says she's not sure of her sexuality. I get the vibe that she's bi and although i identify as male bi females are normally better with things than straight females.She's asked me questions about being trans and makes a point every now and then to let me know how okay she is with gay,lesbian,bisexual and transgender issues. Every time i see her she finds a way to touch my hand. There's been points were we slap hands together and slowly let go, we read a childrens book together and our hands were touching while holding it and we didn't move and she shared food with me and when our hands were touching we didn't move away fast. She told me one day that seeing me and highfiving was the highlight of her day while walking past her one day. I told her "thats awesome" and she said " i really mean it though" in a playful way.A couple of weeks ago i saw her while walking to the gym from my dorm, she was on her way to the library and we took a shortcut. We ended up going to the college bookstore and i walked her back to the library afterwords. She asked me " werent you on your way to the gym" when i didnt turn and leave and i told her that id take another way when we both knew it was closed. I think she has to know and im trying to be calm, give her space and not make it too obvious. After this she was still cool with me..doing the thing where we touch hands and dont move, still giving me long hugs when we see each other etc etc. I guess it seems obvious to me that she does like me but it throws me off when there's times where she doesn't talk to me. She's also pretty nice to most people but I've never seen her act the way she does with me with other people.I dont know what to do because i dont want to risk our friendship, or make things weird. We have a lot of the same friends and im friends with all of her roommates. I'd rather take things slow and see if anything happens but im just looking for outside comments. Thanks
Is there truth and honesty in the world these days?
By: siam | 25-10-2007
how can i get to meet truegood friends worldwide without being taken advantage of? Am an arican lady who knows what she wants but cannot get truth and honesty anywhere. Am a serious christian too.
Love problem
By: siddharth | 25-10-2007
?I am a student of class 9th and loves a girl manisha,but the problem is that his friend mridul loves ayush and ayush also lover mridul and now manisha is getting close to ayush and i want to make manisha my girlfriend slowly like friend then close friend and then lover and she also answer's my question simply what should i do?
Q&A Powered by:
Latest Marriage Articles
Most Popular 1st Anniversary Gift Ideas
By: Warren Wong | 21/08/2008
What do you give someone who is celebrating their 1st wedding anniversary? The traditional gift for the husband to give his wife on the occasion of their 1st anniversary is an eternity ring. This gift symbolizes that their love and lives together will last through eternity.
Target Bridal Registry: Ways of Making a Sensational Bridal Registry at Target
By: Trevor Price | 21/08/2008
It doesn't matter if you're building a Target bridal registry or a registry at Bergdorf Goodman, the same etiquette principles will always apply. You should provide your guests with a range of price points, options and variety that reflect you and your personal style.
To learn more about what you should...
Gift Suggestions for the 57th Anniversary
By: Warren Wong | 21/08/2008
If you know a couple that is celebrating their 57th anniversary and you want to give them a special gift, you should put a lot of thought into it. The couple has been married for a long time and they likely have a large family of children, children-in-law, grandchildren and great-grandchildren.
Saving Your Marriage With Effective Communication
By: Alan Largo | 21/08/2008
There comes a time in every marriage where one or both spouses want to give up and walk away. This is critically the time when no one should ever give up! The only way a marriage can be saved is if both partners are interested in saving it...
Your Perfect Wedding Dress - How Do You Choose It?
By: TM Lung | 21/08/2008
Every bride will have her dream wedding dress. In fact, you might probably dream about your wedding when you are still a child. It is very true that most girls will dream about her wedding. When you are choosing your wedding dress, you will try to find the most perfect...
Unique Way to Save Your Relationship
By: Valeri Tkatchenko | 20/08/2008
There is a new and unique way you can Save Your relationship and it is possible to get your ex back!
Cheaper and Unique Gift Ideas For Bridesmaids
By: Janet R. | 20/08/2008
Bridesmaids are very special people in the bride' s life, these are the bride's sisters or friends that have always been by her side. Therefore, a gift can be your best means to show your deep appreciation as well as your simple way of thanking them. It will be very...
How to Seduce the Woman in Your Life - the Right Way
By: Katlyn | 20/08/2008
Seducing the woman in your life shouldn't be about games or agendas, but genuine love and interest. Seduce the mind and heart and the body will follow. Learn what women want and seduce her the right way.
More from Richard Nicastro, Ph.D.
Are Your Friends Hurting Your Relationship?
By: Richard Nicastro, Ph.D. | 14/08/2008 | Marriage
Couples who lack support from others often feel isolated and less satisfied with their relationship. No matter how strong your marriage or relationship might seem, you and your partner can benefit from having a strong relationship-support network. Discover why you should start building a relationship-support system today.
Passionate Sex: How to Overcome Boredom in the Bedroom
By: Richard Nicastro, Ph.D. | 10/08/2008 | Marriage
Many couples in long-term relationships complain about a dwindling sex life. Hectic schedules and competing priorities often push physical intimacy off the relationship map. This article explores seven ways couples can boost their lovemaking and create a more satisfying sex life.
Relationship Basics: Have Your Forgotten the Fundamentals of a Great Relationship?
By: Richard Nicastro, Ph.D. | 05/08/2008 | Marriage
There are many reasons why relationships lose their footing, but often couples who end up in trouble lose sight of certain relationship basics. And once those basics are forgotten, a formerly-solid relationship is at risk for spiraling out of control. Discover seven relationship basics that should never be forgotten.
The Dance of Intimacy: 5 Key Steps for a Closer Relationship
By: Richard Nicastro, Ph.D. | 04/08/2008 | Marriage
All marriages and relationships involve cycles of closeness and distance, intimacy and loneliness. This article examines five important ingredients that you can bring to your relationship to help create a more fulfilling connection with your spouse or partner.
Relationship Alert: Discover How This Common Habit Can Ruin Your Relationship
By: Richard Nicastro, Ph.D. | 22/07/2008 | Marriage
People are always comparing themselves to others. It becomes a habit and is often so automatic that you might not even be aware you're doing it. Compare-and-contrast thinking leads to unnecessary criticalness that can damage your relationship. Learn how to identify and prevent this destructive type of habitual thinking in your own relationship.
Marriage Alert: Why Falling Out of Like is Dangerous to Your Marriage
By: Richard Nicastro, Ph.D. | 23/06/2008 | Marriage
People start dating because they like each other. However, once they fall in love, couples often ignore the important role that liking one another plays in marriages and relationships. This is a dangerous omission, since falling out of like often sets the stage for falling out of love.
Build a Better Relationship: Use Your Emotions to Deepen Intimacy
By: Richard Nicastro, Ph.D. | 14/06/2008 | Marriage
Emotions are an important part of every life and therefore an important part of every relationship. Learning to use your emotions as a tool to create a deeper connection with your partner can take your relationship to the next level.
Relationship First Aid: How to Heal a Fear of Intimacy
By: Richard Nicastro, Ph.D. | 10/06/2008 | Marriage
A fear of intimacy is one of the greatest challenges couples face on the road to creating a healthy relationship. However, the term "fear of intimacy" is often misunderstood and does not help you overcome these fears. This article describes how a fear of intimacy can be negatively impacting your marriage or relationship.
Relationships 
