The Basics for Having Safe Sex With Multiple Partners

Put simply, the single most effective thing you can do to stay healthy when having sex with multiple partners is to use latex condoms for intercourse. All condoms are not made alike; men should experiment with different brands until they find the one they like best .

When you put on a condom, pinch its tip as you unroll it (all the way down!) to prevent an air bubble from forming in the reservoir tip. For intercourse, you should then put some water-based lube (such as I-D, ForPlay, Wet, or Astroglide) on the outside of the condom for comfort, mutual pleasure, and to keep the condom from tearing during sex.

For a while, health experts were recommending that people use condoms and water-based lubes with Nonoxynol-9 to help guard against HIV transmission; current evidence suggests that, in the real world, N-9 is not nearly as good at HIV prevention as it has proved to be at contraception. Also, many women are allergic or sensitive to N-9, and it tastes horrid. For these reasons we only purchase products without N-9, but of course the choice is yours.

If you're going to switch from anal intercourse to vaginal intercourse, you should also put on a new condom (doing otherwise can cause vaginal infections - similarly, you shouldn't put any fingers that used to be in an anus in a vagina without first washing your hands with hot water and anti-bacterial soap).

Some men find that more sensation is transmitted to them if they put a drop of water-based lube in the tip of their condom before putting it on.

Oral Sex

Opinions differ on the use of safer-sex barriers for oral sex. It is clear that herpes can be easily transmitted during unprotected oral sex, but some people argue that if herpes sores aren't visible on either partner and neither partner believes he or she is infectious, that the risk of transmission is low.

There ARE recorded cases of HIV being transmitted via oral sex, but many swingers dismiss this concern because the risk of transmission via this route is apparently low, and because (in their opinion) HIV is not widespread in their community. Ultimately, it is up to each of us to set our personal standards for risk, and it is not my place to dictate what yours should be.

If you choose not to use barriers when performing oral sex, you can make things safer for yourself by not having flossed your teeth immediately before the party (which can make the gums less able to keep pathogens out of the bloodstream), by not letting men come in your mouth, by not performing cunnilingus on a woman while she is menstruating, and by knowing what herpes sores look like (herpes transmission is most likely when either sores or the tingling sensation that precedes the sores is present).

If you decide your personal standards include using barriers for oral sex, this will mean using latex condoms for fellatio (choose a brand without Nonoxynol-9) and either saran wrap or one of those "Glyde" or "Lixx" oral sex barriers for cunnilingus (put a drop of water-based lube on your partner's side of the barrier to increase the sensation transmitted to her).

The use of barriers for oral sex is not widespread in the swinging community, but if you and your partner decide your safer sex standards include using them you'll probably find that the concept is not that difficult to explain to people.

Hands

If you've had your fingers in your friend's vagina or ass, or had someone come on your hands, it's a good idea to wash your hands with hot water and anti-bacterial soap before touching your eyes or genitals (or anybody else's). If you're planning on doing a lot of play with your fingers in someone's ass, or if you want to avoid having to constantly leave for the bathroom to wash your hands, you might try latex "examination" gloves (available at most drug stores). Just use a new set of gloves when switching from someone's anus to their vagina, just as you would with condoms. Of course, whether you use gloves or not, some water- based lube will make everything that you do inside your partner feel better for him or her. Using latex gloves is currently even less common than using barriers for oral sex (except when it comes to anal play), but in my experience most people who are aroused and attracted to you will happily go along with almost any safety standard or emotional need you articulate as long as they think they're going to get sex as a result.

Suzy Bauer