The Cycle of Domestic Violence: Nobody Takes it Away

The cycle of domestic violence can be very frustrating for those of us who are looking at it from the outside. Yes on many occasions we have been told to put ourselves in someone else's place or walk a mile in their shoes. But that is easier said than done. For many of us out point of view is the only thing we have to go on. It has served us well this far and that's good enough.

So from where we sit it is a simple matter. The person is being abused by their significant other so leave. What's the problem? We then fall back on the old standby line, "That's what I would do". It may be said out of fear, defensiveness, anger or whatever other emotion but it satisfies our point of view and in a way makes us feel better. We've handed down the best advice now it is up to the victim to take it.

Yet there is two factors that many of us overlook and unfortunately the victim of domestic abuse does not have the luxury to dismiss. It is the abuser and the ramifications of leaving.

While it would be in the best interest of everyone to end the cycle of domestic violence the connection between the abuser and victim is one that is not easily broken. Especially when one party will do everything within their power to make sure things stay just as they are.

As the Women Center at the University of Virginia aptly put it,"Many abusers feel that they "own" their mates and are entitled to do as they wish, that "if I can't have her, no one else can, either."

When you feel like you own someone than you also feel no one has the right to take that ownership from you and that includes the victim. The statistics we read in the newspaper or the stories we hear from other media outlets or even our own social circle are clear cut examples of what happens when the abused tries to leave the relationship. It is estimated that the risk factor for the victim of domestic violence increases by seventy five percent.

As bad as the cycle of domestic violence is it's no mystery why many victims would choose to stay put. Living with the fear of abuse is tough enough but it pales in comparison to living with the fear that something worse will happen if they decide to leave.