Many people who consider themselves to be a victim of infidelity are looking for a reason or an explanation for why their partner pursued a physical relationship with another person. There is one simple explanation for this that is applicable to anyone reading this article and hoping to learn why infidelity occurs: certain needs were no longer being met.
On a fundamental basis, an intimate relationship is no different than a business relationship. Apple wanted a lot of hype to surround the release of their iPhone. AT&T wanted to provide consumers with a good reason to choose their service over a competitor's. The two companies realized that the whole would be greater than the sum of the parts if they made an agreement to release the iPhone exclusively to AT&T customers. Intimate relationships work in exactly this fashion. One person has a certain set of needs. They meet another person with a set of needs of their own. The two people realize that they might be able to provide for each other's needs while simultaneously having their own needs provided for. In that moment, their whole is greater than the sum of their parts, and so a relationship begins.
The most successful relationships are the ones where the people are able to adapt to each other's changing needs. People's needs are always changing. Eventually they disappear altogether. This is why the great spiritual leaders in our world have never been in a relationship. It wasn't a need of theirs. They have no (or at least very few) needs. They simply give.
When a person enters a relationship, one of three things will happen: a.) through the therapy provided by their significant other, their needs will be met so abundantly that they will eventually want for nothing, b.) the person will continue having needs that are constantly evolving in their depth and characteristics, but their mate will be aware of this and continue to provide them with their needs, at least enough to ensure that their own need of monogamy is met, or c.) the person's needs will eventually no longer be met by their spouse.
When the last of these three possibilities occur, quite understandably, the person will look elsewhere for their needs. Sometimes this results in what many refer to as "infidelity".
When a person engages in an act of intimacy with another person, it could seem intuitive to think that they had a physical need that was no longer being met. But this is not always the case. It could be that they had emotional needs that were not being met which had no direct relation to sexuality. These needs could be as simple as sharing the details of their life with someone. An act of intimacy can occur if the person they find to fill this void in their lives has a need of their own they want in exchange: sex.
One of many huge fallacies of our society is that relationships whose whole is greater than the sum of the parts will always remain that way. This fallacy has millions of people each year entering into an institution we call "marriage", which states that they will be together forever. It would be unreasonable, perhaps even downright unfair to expect another person to constantly, always, and forever be prepared to provide for your needs. Even more, it would be unfair to expect one's self to be able to do this for another.
After reading that last paragraph, you might be thinking to yourself, "well you make it sound like infidelity is inevitable if we place expectations [like staying together forever] on relationships." If you are thinking that, you are absolutely correct.
Related Articles
The Importance of Developing Good Communication Skills
By: Warren Wong | 17/04/2008 | Marriage
Men and women have had communication troubles since the dawn of humanity. These troubles have been the ruin of many relationships, but they don't have to be. Good communication in relationships is often the foundation on which the best ones are built.
7 Ways to Prevent Infidelity
By: Helene Rothschild | 01/04/2008 | Self Improvement
Are you suspicious of your loved one's loyalty? Do you sometimes think about having an affair? Are you feeling guilty for having extra-marital relationships? According to the statistics, if you answered "yes" to any of the above, you are not alone. Reports indicate that 60 percent of men and 40 percent of women will be unfaithful to their partner. It takes a lot more than love to prevent infidelity and maintain a fulfilling relationship.
How to Deal With Jealousy and Distrust in a Relationship
By: Brenda Shoshanna | 22/03/2008 | Home and Family
When too much distrust arises in a relationship, it is absolutely essential to understand where it is coming from, why it is arising and how to dissolve it, so clarity can break through. When we are in the grip of jealousy, it is easy to blame our partners and be unable to get out of the grip of the pain we feel. This article explore ways of handling jealousy and finding peace and truth.
Annulment in the Catholic Church
By: Heather Colman | 21/07/2006 | Religion
In the case of the Catholic Church, annulment does not mean the same thing as divorce. Some accuse the Catholic Church of hypocrisy for ...
Overcome Adultery: Ways to Make Your Marriage Whole Again
By: Keishia Lee-louis | 18/09/2005 | Marriage
Of husbands cheat on their partners.
(http://www.msnbc.msn.com/id/5359395/site/newsweek) Now websites
and select greeting card companies promote the idea and make
money.
How to Handle Infidelity in a Marriage
By: Brenda Shoshanna | 12/11/2007 | Home and Family
Infidelity and the threat of it are the largest threats to a marriage. However, it is not necessarily fatal. It is possible to heal the marriage and even become closer than before this happened. This article explores ways of dealing with infidelity and looks at some of the things that cause it to take place.
Infidelity and Cheating: How You Can Tell If Your Man is Cheating on You!
By: Deborrah Cooper | 06/05/2008 | Marriage
I often receive letters from heartbroken women, sick with worry that their boyfriends or husbands are cheating on them. The cheating itself seems to hurt them deeply, as it indicates a violation of the marital vows the wife holds dear, but I think its the lying which accompanies the cheating that is the most destructive element in the whole horrible situation.
Mistakes Men And Women Make With Each Other
By: Andey Randead | 02/04/2007 | Dating
Men and women often make the same mistakes with each other which costs them potentially a good relationship. This article describes some of the common mistakes men and women make.
Got a Question? Ask.
Ask the community a question about this article:
Frequently Asked Questions
How many marriages
By: scott | 11-07-2008
marriages
Husband wants Divorce
By: barbara | 10-07-2008
I recently found out that my husband has contracted genital herpes. When I told him we need to talk about it he said he didn't want to married anymore and for me to get out, because all I do is work and go to church and I never want to do anything with his family. We have only been married 11 months and I moved into his house and sold my vehicle. The mortgage is in only his name and the two cars he purchased after we married he put in his name. I feel like I am being punished because I confronted him about his STD.
Who is mark lucero from shadyside pa? does hehave ...
By: Aheartbeataway7 | 09-07-2008
who is mark lucero from shadyside pa? does hehave any criminal records
My sister has been separated from her husband for ...
By: workaholic | 09-07-2008
My sister has been separated from her husband for the past 2 months. She has already told him it isn't going to work after all the breakups he has put her through when he tried coming back again. She has tried to be civil with the whole thing for the kids sake but he can't take no for an answer. Now that she has put her foot down and he told her he will make sure in the divorce papers that she can not have a guy live with her. Is that even possible for him to have any say if the kids aren't in any danger?
A-Rod affair with Madonna?
By: JadeKaz | 08-07-2008
Do you think Madonna was having an affair with A-Rod? Think we can expect a Madonna and Guy divorce in the near future?
Married wife got pregnant from former Thai boyfriend
By: Gimme | 06-07-2008
Hi there, I am married to thai woman from bangkok. with my marriage i adopter her young daugher. Things did not run pretty well. She was lying and made me mad. She only showed up few times a months. I got to care for my stepdaughter. Due to all the problems with my wife I got mental problems and got to stop working. Make it short. I left Thailand and still support my stepdaughter. Meanwhile my wife is with her. But she returned to her former Thai boyfriend and got pregnant. I wanted to file divorce but she refused. Q1) Can she use my family name to register her new baby? Can she file divorce although I am not in Thailand?What steps should be taken now?
Q&A Powered by:
Latest Marriage Articles
Signs of a Cheating Wife - Learn The Scret Of Using a Journal To Catch Her
By: Kwame Ofori | 24/07/2008
If you are looking for signs that your wife is cheating on you and how to catch her using a journal. Then read this article. Here we reveal the secret benefit, how to start and use a journal.
Wedding Venues - Tips to Choosing a Great Venue
By: Darrell F | 24/07/2008
The first thing to pop up in your mind when you’re planning your wedding is your wedding venue. This is because wedding venue must suit your wedding theme, besides taking the budget consideration. As the traditional way, couples usually plan on marrying in a church while nowadays many couples prefer to have the wedding ceremony and reception all in 1 place where it is more convenience.
How to Save Your Marriage
By: Nikola Dimitrov | 24/07/2008
Well, it is definitely not so hard to save a marriage, provided that one or both partners are willing to do several very simple and logical steps. You see, men and women are so different, and hereby it appears that family is a hard thing to maintain, and yet exactly family is meant by God to be our greatest blessing.
Satisfaction in Marriage
By: CD Mohatta | 24/07/2008
There are very few marriages, where both the partners are satisfied fully. Go around and make a small survey. The results may look shocking but they are true. Everyone has one or the other complain about the married life.
Brunch Wedding Receptions Are Becoming a Cost-Effective Alternative
By: Jayne Waldorf | 23/07/2008
While receptions at lunch or dinner time are still the most popular there are people who are having wedding receptions at other times of the day and often these are arranged to coincide with their honeymoon plans or other factors that make it more convenient to have a reception possibly...
Wedding Invitation - Some Essential Tips For You
By: Jerry Leung | 23/07/2008
Undoubtedly, you will need to consider your wedding invitation when you are planning for your wedding. In fact, it is one of the most important items in your wedding. All couples will try very hard to search for the most perfect wedding invitation. Some may even hire a designer who...
Have a Cheating Husband? Signs of Emotional Adultery
By: Kwame Ofori | 23/07/2008
Not every affair is a physical affair. In some relationships the boundaries of an affair include emotional affairs. Discovering emotional affairs, though, can be tricky. They are not as bold or easily spotted as a physical affair. However, there are still clues that you can spot so you can discover your spouses affair.
Top Sign of a Womans Infidelity
By: Kwame Ofori | 23/07/2008
Looking for information on top sign of a womans infidelity, then read this article. We go into details on the top sign of a womans infidelity
Relationships 
