Why Not to Criticize Your Partner

When you criticize your partner you may be doing it from a place of love, but it is unlikely your criticism will go down well with your partner. This is because it puts them on the defensive and they will do their best to argue against what it is you are criticizing.

Nothing really gets achieved in this way. You only end up making the situation worse. But this doesn’t mean you keep quiet either. If you would like something about your partner’s behaviour to change then this is best done by other means.

For example let’s say you criticize your partner for watching too much sport on television. It is no good telling them to stop watching the idiot box. Instead praise him for an activity that is anything other than watching sport on television. Your partner will respond to your kind words and is more likely to engage in more of that activity to gain more praise.

Another example is that your partner doesn’t spend enough time with your children.  Instead of nagging them, tell him that your children love it when they take them out places. It’s just a gentle reminder and it is also a compliment.

Your partner wants to come to his own conclusions and not feel bullied into changing something because you have yelled at him to. Simply ignore the behaviour or whatever it is you are criticising and focus your attention instead on his other behaviours.

Another point to bring up is why you are criticising your partner in the first place. Are you the boss of them and think you know what is best? It is not really your place to judge what is best for them.  They are not a child and can make their own decisions.

Acceptance is the key here. Can you turn a blind eye to the behaviour or is the behaviour masking something deeper? If you cannot accept their behaviour there is only one thing you can do.

You can leave your partner and find somebody else who does not have the behaviours you dislike. It is impossible to change someone who doesn’t want to. Nor should they have to change something about themselves just to please you.

When you eradicate criticising your partner a change in their behaviour will result naturally. Criticising and condemning your partner does no one any good. You feel like an old nag and they feel hassled. Rarely does criticising solve anything.