Bisexuality: Myths and Realities

Diversity is one of the buzzwords of our culture today. But one group stands out by its absence: bisexuals. Who talks about bisexuality? If your partner is the opposite gender, you are considered straight; if not, you are gay or lesbian. Period.

The in-between nature of bisexuality is uncomfortable for many of us. We tend to think dualistically, putting things neatly into boxes labeled black or white, good or bad, male or female. Bisexuality challenges our dualistic concept of sexuality. The truth is that people don’t fit neatly into boxes!

Some researchers have noted that being bisexual is similar to being biracial. Mixed-race persons generally do not feel comfortable or accepted by people of either ethnic group, feeling that they do not fit in anywhere. Like bisexual people, they spend most of their lives moving between two communities, neither of which understand them.

Like biracial people, bisexual people must create an identity that corresponds to their experience. Forming a bisexual identity helps bisexual people to structure and give meaning to their reality.

Myths about bisexuality abound in our culture. These often serve to foster prejudice and mistrust of bisexuals, and hinder the development of a healthy bisexual identity.

MYTH: Bisexuals are promiscuous.
REALITY: Bisexual people have a range of sexual behaviors. Some have multiple partners; some have one partner; some go through periods without a partner. Promiscuity is no more prevalent in the bisexual population than in other groups.

MYTH: Bisexuals are equally attracted to both genders.
REALITY: Bisexuals tend to favor either the same or the opposite gender, while recognizing their attraction to both.

MYTH: Being bisexual means having concurrent lovers of both genders.
REALITY: Being bisexual simply means the potential for involvement with either gender. This may mean sexually, emotionally, in reality, or in fantasy. Some bisexual people may have concurrent lovers; others may relate to different genders at different periods in their lives.

MYTH: Bisexuals cannot be monogamous.
REALITY: Bisexuality is a sexual orientation. It is independent of a lifestyle of monogamy or non-monogamy. Bisexuals are as capable as anyone of making a long-term monogamous commitment to a partner they love.

MYTH: Bisexuals are denying their lesbianism or gayness. (In other words, bisexuals do not exist.)
REALITY: Bisexuality is a legitimate sexual orientation in and of itself, though most bisexuals consider themselves part of the generic term “gay.”

MYTH: Bisexuals are in “transition.” (In other words, bisexuals do not exist.)
REALITY: Some people go through a transitional period of “bisexuality” on their way to adopting a lesbian, gay or heterosexual identity. For many others, bisexuality remains a permanent orientation.

MYTH: Bisexuals just haven’t met the right woman or man yet. (In other words, bisexuals do not exist.)
REALITY: This statement implies that if the “right” person came along, then the bisexual person could be influenced to change his or her sexual orientation. Most gays, lesbians, and bisexuals, as well as researchers in the field, agree that sexual orientation is a trait, not a state that can be easily changed.

MYTH: Bisexuals are confused about their sexuality.
REALITY: It is natural for bisexuals, as well as lesbians and gays, to go through a period of confusion in the coming out process. When someone is continually told that he or she does not exist, confusion is an understandable and appropriate reaction.

MYTH: Bisexuals can hide in the heterosexual community when the going gets tough.
REALITY: To “pass” for straight and deny their bisexuality is just as painful and damaging for bisexuals as it is for gays and lesbians. Bisexuals are not heterosexual and do not usually identify as heterosexual, even if they are in a relationship with an opposite-gender partner.

MYTH: Bisexuals’ friendships are never safe from sex, and every relationship will eventually be sexual.
REALITY: Bisexuals, like other people, are not attracted to every person they meet. Rather, they will be attracted to a small percentage of the population. It is therefore possible for bisexuals to have many friendships that do not include a sexual component.

If you or a loved one are struggling with questions about bisexuality, we hope you will take time to listen to your instincts, and to find support from friends, family or a knowledgeable counselor. Bisexuality has been around for eons, and it’s time we stop sticking our heads in the sand about it!

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