Grief and Death - a Medium’s Own Experience

If you want to know the most satisfying experience a medium can have, then do I have a story to tell you. I know that this is a true story because it is my own.

I have always been intuitive. But it never dawned on me that I was a medium until a few years ago, even though I have been working with spirits for most of my 38 years.

Growing up was challenging. I had two older brothers to live up to, the pressures of doing well in school, and no one to hang around with. I was empathic and would feel the emotions of my family. I saw the occasional spirit which freaked me out. I never felt like I fit in at school and wished I was “popular” like the other kids.

But I wasn’t like the other kids. I remember walking home when I was seven, wondering what my life purpose was. Maybe, my purpose was no more than to lift someone’s day by smiling at them. I remember feeling a sense of dissatisfaction with that thought as in my child mind I imagined the rest of my life being lived out having fulfilled my destiny in that brief smile.

In my teenage years, I “heard” a voice in my head that encouraged me. I had no idea where this voice came from and it didn’t occur to me to question it because it seemed so natural. This voice told me that I could achieve things, gave me praise as I accomplished things – doing well at a math quiz, learning a new skill. It wasn’t until many years later that I would understand that I was open to the other side.

Another event that set me apart from my peers was the death of my mother at age 12. As an adult, losing a parent is difficult to say the least. But as a child, it was devastating. I was hurt, angry, betrayed. I pushed my emotions down as far as I could to cope. The loss was too much to bear. How could God do this to me?

Over the next two decades, I lived life. I had a boyfriend or two. I worked, went to school, got married and divorced. I had an inner drive to expand my intuition, psychic senses, and mediumship, so I studied from books and teachers. And through it all I wish I had my mother with me – for guidance, comfort, and just to be there to share with. I missed her but couldn’t afford to let the cork out of the bottle. Everything was going along just fine until it hit me like a tsunami.

All of the grief, sadness, hurt, pain – all of it – came out. It was triggered by a relationship that ended. The Universe had kindly given me a chance to unload. “Universe!” I shouted to the unseen force, “Are you insane?” The emotional pain was so intense I thought I was going to physically die.

“Think of it as a 20 year cry”, one teacher suggested. I was questioning how long I would be crying and when things would ever seem better. As it turns out, the Universe in its infinite wisdom did know what it was doing.

It took a year and a half, but I shifted. The pain dissolved and I healed. I attracted a new type of man into my life who also happened to be a medium. My mom came to him the first day he saw me and helped him to connect with me. As our relationship progressed, he told me how often my mom came to him. “What!” I exclaimed in dismay. “Why doesn’t she come to me?”

I had done the work, the door was open, so why wasn’t I perceiving her? “Believe” he said. And so the little girl in me who had wished for her mom all her adult life took the next step and believed. And then it happened.

And since then, it hasn’t stopped. I have talked with her, laughed with her, and enjoyed her company. I’ve gotten to know her in a new way – her personality and quirks – that I wouldn’t have understood as a child. She helps me from the other side to make things happen on this side, just like Moms are supposed to do.

As a medium, I have helped so many people to heal by giving them messages from family and friends who have crossed over. I have helped spirits by being their voice when they can’t be heard, by helping them cross into the light when they need assistance. I am amazed and filled with gratitude that these things are possible for myself and for others.