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Assertiveness; Successful Influence: How to be Assertive
Author: Eren  | Posted: 20-05-2007 | Views: 40 | Rating: (83)  (?) 
WHAT ASSERTIVENESS IS, BEING ASSERTIVE, ASSERTING TO INFLUENCE.
(Based on author’s site www.geocities.com/assertv)
To be assertive is important. How to assert oneself can be learnt. Easy is assertiveness.
Assertiveness is getting what one wants. Assertiveness pays and is easy. To be assertive is to know how to get what one wants. How to assert oneself, be assertive, confuses many. Many interested in assertiveness want to be assertive but can't assert themselves. Assertiveness is valued. Assertive people succeed. And, anyone can learn assertiveness.
Some attend personal development courses on assertiveness. Most, read books on assertiveness. They want learn assertiveness, how to be assertive. But they get subjected to a psychological analysis of assertiveness. They get confused about assertiveness. Attempts of many at assertiveness backfire. Some are laughed at if they try to be assertive. Being assertive is not an inherent quality. Assertive people were not born so. One can learn how to assert oneself. One can learn assertiveness. To be assertive is not difficult.
Assertiveness in business, asserting oneself privately, is getting what one wants. That is asserting, being assertive. This explains what assertiveness is and how to be assertive.
Assertiveness is the knowledge of advantageously agreeing or disagreeing with another, motivating and acceptably influencing in one’s favour. Those who are not assertive can be exploited. Assertive people often can not be. Being assertive is asking for something from another, in a specific and clear way, directly, and getting it. Being assertive is, simply, that. Assertiveness is noting more.
Asserting is communicating well. Assertiveness, being assertive, is about how one communicates. Many are hopeless in asserting themselves. People usually use two ways, or fret between them, which are not asserting. Asserting oneself, the way of the assertive, is different.
Few are people who are assertive. Many are not even simply aggressive or passive, but in a limbo. To be assertive one need not be aggressive or passive, but simply know how to be assertive.
If one is not assertive, whether aggressive or passive, one has no, or hardly any, control over how one’s treatment in relationships. An unassertive person is in a no-win situation: if one is aggressive, one does not get co-operation, tries being passive; if one is passive, one faces exploitation, tries being aggressive; when one fails in asserting oneself, one gets considered a bully or meek. One becomes a pushover or disagreeable, people become uncooperative, one gets treated so always, feels frustrated and inadequate. Not so, if one learns assertiveness, to be advantageously agreeable, assertive.
Assertiveness begins with an important but simple realisation. Anyone can be assertive. Anyone can be assertive.
One needs only to ponder on this, to be assertive: We are passive or aggressive indirectly or directly. If we are not assertive, we sit at the desk to write something, silently suffering the loud noise of the television the kid/s are watching while we are trying to concentrate; or we visibly and exaggeratedly scratch our head, hoping the kid/s will notice and lower the sound, or we visibly and exaggeratedly bang the pen on the desk and loudly exclaim 'Oh, this is difficult!' hoping the message will get through; or we yell 'Hey, turn that off!' That is innocence of assertiveness, not knowing how to be assertive. You aren’t saying clearly and directly, reasonably, what you want.
Say what you want clearly and directly, and reasonably. On assertiveness one can be one's own teacher and experiment; say, instead: "Turn the sound down a little, please -I have some work to do and I need to concentrate..." People will be more co-operative than one would expect, one will get what one wants. That is being assertive.
Assertiveness, the realisation needed for assertion, to be assertive is simple. One’s being ignored, or resented, is to do with assertion: People have neither the time, nor necessarily the interest, to guess what one wants; they ignore the passive and also the aggressive.
Assertiveness is communicating advantageously. Asserting oneself is knowing how to be considerately polite, direct, specific and clear.
It is psychological: people love to be considered worthy to be asked if it is something social, like to be avoided waste of time if it something formal. Knowing and doing so is assertiveness -that is being assertive.
If you want to be assertive and get what you want, try that -that is all there is to assertiveness.
The author has a website at: www.geocities.com/eoa_uk
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