It's Not Winter All Year Round

I acknowledge my elders who have gone before me to clear the path I walk today. I am who I am because of you and I will be forever grateful for your courage and strength.

As I sit and write this article from my home in Canberra, Australia, I occasionally glance out the window and see the bare branches sway in rhythm with the wind. A stark reminder that winter is almost here. Then it got me thinking about the seasons and how similar they are to our plight in Australia. For thousands of years, the seasons have been the same. Winter always comes right after autumn. Spring always follows winter. We don’t have to wonder if it’s going to be right on time because we just know that is where it is in the cycle.

How wonderful that spring follows winter. It couldn’t come in a better place. Try and imagine spring before winter. I don’t know why the seasons come that way, I wasn’t involved in those early decisions, but I guess someone decided that the way things are is how they are suppose to be. Then I started thinking how similar it is to us and our challenges. How long are we going to be in the winter of our lives? The constant struggle against government and policies keeps us bound by the winter blues. Fighting against what is, is pointless. We know that those involved in Indigenous affairs get burnt out because of it.

Now I don’t have all the answers, nor do I pretend to. I do know however that what I need to change is within my power. I can’t change what goes on outside, but I can change what happens inside me. I don’t wish for my problems to be easier, I wish for me to be stronger. I don’t wish for less challenges, I wish for more courage to be able to face them. I don’t wish for the struggle of winter to stop, I wish for the skill to help me to get through to spring.

What is the winter of your life right now? What are you struggling against that is pointless to change from the outside? For woman, one of the biggest struggles we face is domestic and family violence (among other things). We wish for things to be different. We fight against breaking up our family and leaving the situation. We struggle to understand why this is happening to me.

We try and figure out what we did to make him so angry. Violence is about anger and control, it’s never about love. I have spoken to young girls who think it is so sweet that their boyfriends gets jealous of them talking to other guys, so that must mean he really loves me. I remind them that love has nothing to do with it.

Any man who abuses you in any way, shape or form does not love you. Now you can gloss it up however you like. I don’t care how good the make up sex is, I don't care how much he tells you he has changed. It doesn't matter that when he is good, he is so loving and kind, and that it's only when he is mad that he becomes violent.

If someone loves you they protect you and never allow anyone to harm you, and that means they don’t harm you either. If women were empowered to know that anyone who hits you does not love you, men would have no one to victimize. If women in the community spoke out about those in their family who are abusing women, the veil would be lifted.

There are men in my family who abuse their wives. I use the term men very loosely because I don’t believe them to be men, they are cowards who cannot control their anger and they take it out on those who cannot defend themselves. I don’t speak to them. I don’t associate with them. I don’t want my son to be around those types of adults. I don’t consider them family. Now for those that know me, and those who have read my column before, you would know that I’m very respectful.

I was brought up with absolute respect for those who are older than me, especially my uncles. But you get from me the respect you deserve, and my uncles who do this deserve no such respect. My statements here are pretty strong, and you are entitled to disagree. I have been through domestic violence so I speak from experience.

Out of respect for my mother who reads this article, I wont go into details because she does not know about the particulars, but I have been through it all. It was the longest winter. I suffered in that winter for a few years, then I made the decision to leave, and slowly I caught a glimpse of spring. It was not easy, and I don’t pretend it was. But it was certainly worth it. What is the winter of your life that your in right now? Are you ready to prepare for spring? Remember that Spring always comes after winter. Then you can really enjoy your summer. I wish you well.