Your Step-by-Step Guide to a Win Win Negotiation

Have you ever wished that you had the power to get the things that you want? It's a common daydream, but most people don't believe that it's actually possible, so they never even try. What they don't realize is that most things are attainable with a little effort and the right kind of negotiation.

Think about what it is that you want…  Now consider what (or who) you think is keeping you from reaching that goal. Is your boss unapproachable?  Does your family seem unwilling to hear your ideas and opinions? Do you find yourself at odds with co-workers over the best way to get things done? Maybe you're afraid to ask the bank for a loan or to get your spouse to agree to a specific vacation destination. All of these obstacles are removable with the help of a little dance called negotiation.

Are you dancing to the same beat?

Of course, before you can start to dance, you'll need to make sure that you're dancing to the same beat as your negotiation partner. Finding the right beat means that you'll need to identify the common underlying values. Once you identify the underlying values that you both share, you will then be dancing towards the same vision -- one that will create a satisfactory solution for both parties.

Sharing the same vision makes it much easier to create situations that produce the results that we want. It means that you're now working toward the same end result -- the big picture of what you both want. This shared vision might sound something like: having a more harmonious relationship or being more effective or increasing productivity in the office. Once you define your shared vision, you're ready to start the dance. Like any dance, effective negotiation is made up of a series of steps; steps that anyone can learn and perfect over time. The steps to the dance sound something like this: you put your right foot in and you shake it all about. Oops, that's a different dance ;o)

Let's start again,

Step 1 – Right: put your right foot in by coming up with specific things you each can do that will help create your shared vision– offer your opinion about what you want to see happen and the steps that need to be taken to get there.

Step 2 - Left: put your left foot in by asking them for their reaction to your strategy. Ask specifically if it works for them or if you missed something important in your plan. Remember, your shared vision has to be mutually satisfying. (Without some careful choreography here, you're likely to step on some toes. Be sure to hear them out in full before responding.)

Step 3 - Right: put your right hand in by asking them to figure out a strategy that covers what they want, one that would provide the perfect results in their opinion. (If they don't know where to start, feel free to throw out some ideas about what you believe they want.)

Step 4 - Left: put your left hand in by reviewing how this new strategy satisfies your shared vision. Is it completely agreeable for both of you, or is something you value still left out?

*Repeat:* Now, take what you've discovered so far and keep repeating these four steps as many times as it takes to come up with strategies that are completely satisfying to both of you.

Step 5 -  Shake…hands. Make agreements about the specific actions you each will take to create your shared vision for implementing the plan. As soon as you've made agreements you think will work for both of you, go on to Step 6 and create accountability for your agreements.

Step 6 - Put your whole-self in by creating accountability for your agreements. You do this by setting up a specific time for a follow-up meeting. At this meeting you'll discuss how your agreements are going and the things that might be missing from the strategies or agreements you created. Without accountability, you can't know if the plan you put in place is actually working. If it's not working, by the time you haphazardly find that out, resentment may have built up on either side.

Of course, the accountability meeting presents another opportunity to practice the Negotiation Dance once again. Have you ever watched ballroom dancers and marveled at the smooth, effortless way they glide across the floor?  This incredible synchronicity doesn't happen overnight, it takes years of practice. The more you practice the Negotiation Dance, the better you will become, and the easier it will be for you to get the things that you want on a regular basis.