Patterns of Self-Betrayal

MODE of Cosmic Therapy E-Mail O-Gram Invitation

The subversive patterns of our lives elude us! We look directly at them and miss the contingency of their blatant meaning and form. We seek everywhere for answers, interpretations, resolutions and recourse. Anyplace, other than where we currently reside. We stumble, we fret, we worry, we complain. We imagine all sorts of things in the meantime, never once paying subservient attention to the obvious clues staring us ‘smack dab in the face.’ Why? Because we don’t want to see what’s there. We don’t want to resolve the so-called problems that make up our cherished dilemmas. Why? Because we don’t really want anything to change. We have grown so accustomed to our self-inflicted misery and delusional projected pain; we don’t’ want to turn it loose.

Try as we might, we can not talk long enough or bitch loud enough to convince ourselves that we are being treated unfairly. No matter what elaborate lengths we will go to in the process of our defense, when the ‘mule comes back to the barn’, not one little crumb of our life is disturbed. We berate the other with belittling sarcastic remarks; cause all sorts of chaos and confusion simply because we don’t know what we want to do with ourselves. We don’t have a single hint of who we are, much less what we are saying. We blame the one facing us for our own deluge of despondent despair.

It’s a desperate degrading pit to be swallowed up in and most especially for the unsuspecting partner. The belligerent attitude, the uncomely character, the unforgiving mouth merely sets the stage for the onslaught of guilt and regret to envelope our minds. We don’t know how to be still. Get Quiet. Stop yelling long enough to see: “there’s nothing really wrong.” Everything is perfect for the moment. But, we don’t want to hear those words! Our minds are filled with enough accusations and slander to fill the Grand Canyon and then some. We need to give it a rest. That old horse has been ridden one too many times and put away wet to the point of cruelty.

The trouble lies in the fact we can’t resolve our own vagrantly misguided feelings. We say we want one thing and before the order can be delivered we have changed our minds. We are constantly ‘on guard’ looking for reasons to lash out. Our moods abruptly shift , and  without warning, we decide on another store to shop or restaurant to eat. We say we want undivided attention and yet we turn around and declare “we’re being suffocated.” We’re bored to death and expect our partners to entertain us! What’s the deal?

Bottom line: our soul is clearly speaking to us through all of the mal-aligned falsely interpreted signs. We are genuinely content in our state of affairs. “Nothing could be any different than what it is. We are exactly where we are supposed to be for reasons we can’t see.” Not only is there no place to run and hide; there’s no reason to try. This is as good as it gets. The best show in town is playing at our house and we’re the producer, director and  star. Not one single soul is doing us wrong, cheating, lying, abandoning or rejecting us. {In fact, no one ever has.} We’d like to think that because we want to believe we’re so ‘special.’ But, whoever told us we were special, was grossly misinformed.

Being special entails a life separate from the one we have. We envision another time, place, partner and circumstance where we are the rulers of our kingdoms with no problems, anxieties or complications. No obstacles, no heartaches, no waiting, misunderstandings, hurt feelings, and the like. No such place on earth. WE are simply ordinary people living an extraordinary life with all its many undiscovered flavored surprises and unresolved avenues of expression.

Unearthed talent cries out in the wilderness (the chaos and confusion we create) for more recognized room in our lives. We’re far too busy and tired of disinterested projects we continue to fulfill. (We’re committed to things that don’t interest us in the least, anymore.) We invest ourselves in anything that will keep us permanently distracted from our deepest yearnings to ‘just be content.” An indelibly marked pattern of our most fruitful and productive creative sublimely sacred sexual artistic lives, screams for verification in a relentless “still small voice.”

We can see; we have eyes. We can hear; we have ears. We can smell; we have noses. We can walk: we have legs. We can write, paint, draw; we have hands. WE can sing; we have voices. We can LOVE; we have hearts. WE can think; we have brains. We can make love; we are equipped. We can create for ourselves whatever lives we envision because we are a facsimile of the divine. So what are we truly groaning about? Maybe, because we have TOO much and in need of dispersing some of the excess? (Time, knowledge, energy, money, carry-over baggage, old wounds, rubbish memories, unused talent, sexual frustration, unfulfilled desires, and worn out gossip)

No place like where we stand to embrace the day! We’ll start by redefining our joy in the unexpected events. We will not look for a ‘lust of result’; we will simply enjoy the process no matter how difficult, unseemly and uncomfortable it appears in its unfoldment. We will not let our eyes betray us. We will hold firm to that which sustains and exalts us from within.