Was it Just a Dream?

Did you ever have a dream and wonder if it was real, or if it was a memory of something from your past?  Or was it a glimpse of the future?  Maybe it wasn't a dream at all.  Over thirty years ago, I had an experience that I'll never forget, and may never fully understand, but I can now tell the story.

Alone, I lie in the darkness of my bedroom in Louisiana.  When my eyes opened, I could see no hint of moonlight through the slight opening in the curtains.  There were no sounds, no noise from the other rooms, no clocks ticking, and no crickets outside the window.  It felt like I was floating on air, with no bed beneath me; there was no cold or warmth.   The feeling was peaceful, with no worries, as time stood still.  Like a blanket, the room enveloped me and kept me safe.  I could only focus on my surroundings as I realized the only thing I could move was my head.

As I moved my head to look around the room, my eyes were drawn towards a white light high in the left corner of the room.  It wasn't a perfect circle of light; only a cloud. The light consumed the ceiling and the wall, never touching the floor. A gray light appeared inside the circle with an image of my father who passed away when I was only fourteen.  I wanted to speak, but my mouth could not form words. There was so much to say; so many questions to ask.  Why did he die so suddenly when I was young?  Did he blame me for not knowing what to do to help him as his heart suddenly stopped?  If he hadn't picked me up as school that snowy day, would he have not been so stressed as he tried to get the car up the steep hill to home?  If I could speak, then questions would be asked, and guilt feelings put to rest.

For the first time since my eyes opened, I heard only the sound of his voice as he said, "Go back, you have something to do."  I still couldn't speak, and my attempts to move were merely making me shake.  What was he trying to tell me?  Where was I, and where was I going back?  I hadn't seen my father since I was young, so I didn't want to leave him.  My eyes felt very heavy and I fought trying to close them, but I failed.

When I opened my eyes, a nurse said, "Don't move your head, be very still because the doctor had a hard time with you."  I felt very tired as I closed my eyes and fell asleep. When I awoke, my mother was standing beside me. She looked peaceful, and yet sad, as she held my hand and wiped her tears.  It was difficult for her to speak, but softly told of how the doctor had a hard time stopping the bleeding. I had a simple nose surgery but there was a complication. As I looked at my mother, with the light surrounding her from the window, I remembered seeing the ghostly image of my father.  For some reason I couldn't tell her, or anyone what I experienced.  It was very private and personal.

A couple of months later, the doctor finally told me that my heart stopped as he tried to stop the bleeding, and that he fought hard to keep me alive.  I then wondered, and have questioned since that day, if what I experienced was real.  Was it a dream as my mind searched through memories of my father; or perhaps a near death experience?  I've looked for answers, but fear that I'll never know the truth.  It gives me peace of mind thinking that it was the ghost of my father, and that he was once again with me, if only for that short period of time.

I don't yet know why I was sent back or what it is that I have yet to do.  Perhaps I'll know the answer to this someday.  Meanwhile, I study the paranormal in an attempt to find answers to so many of my questions.