The Israeli Experiment

In my widespread circumnavigation – I would be untruthful, if I claimed that I was not a devout lover of women. They are the most amazing pedestrians to have ever walked the globe. Men demolish – women coacervate societies. This is irrefutable. Because of this very amazement, I have formed a mental list of the most dynamic women I have had the pleasure of knowing. This hierarchy would be undeniably spearheaded by Brazilians, Argentineans, Italians, Japanese and Thai. However, I must admit that Israeli women rival the Boticelli encapsulation of quintessential beauty. How did this ever manifest?

I argue that this may be rationalized by three significant factors – heterozygous advantage, warm tropical climate, and the cold reality of living amidst a perennial state of fear. First and foremost, it is fairly clear that through a dramatically heterogeneous society – rampant hybrid vigor abounds. This biological phenomenon results when individuals with dissimilar genetic traits reproduce – the genes most suitable for survival will be selected for. Those savvy enough to pick up on this phenomenon, may argue that heterogeneity is one of the founding principles of myriad societies – particularly that seen in the West. However, where Westerners have been reared in more of a “beef stew” (i.e. a society based upon precipitating subpopulations that rarely integrate); Israel truly embodies the “melting pot” theory…

These people were brought to “Middle Earth” from diverging genetic backgrounds to fully integrate based upon one coagulating component – Judaism. Therefore, this theoretical egalitarian society created a culture where relative density of melanin granules meant nothing. They eagerly sought each other out, did what lovers do, and generated offspring. This same principle may be found in societies colonized by the Portuguese – namely Brazil. The Portuguese were strange birds, in that they did not ruthlessly oppress their subjects. Why you may ask? Apparently they saw them as their (near) equals. Indeed, one Portuguese prince even temporarily moved the crown from Portugal to Brazil – and proclaimed Brazil a free state by vociferously shouting “Live free or die”. Alas, he wasn’t the sharpest tool in the shed – and the crown soon returned to Lisbon.

Indeed, empirical observations of present-day societies with Portuguese influence across all bizarre corners of the globe (i.e. Mozambique, Macau, Goa, and Brazil) have shown me that these people seem to enjoy a liberal (particularly sexually) and jovial lifestyle – relative to other nations with tragic vestiges of Imperialism. Therefore, the integration of several societies was made particularly facile here. And we can now express our SINCERE gratitude for such an ideal experiment in values – as most will agree if they ever experienced a night of Carnavale in Rio.

Next, sex is somehow buoyant when it comes to tropical climates. I would argue that a fairly strict correlation emerges between warm climates and sexual desire. This is clear to anyone who has lived in NYC for awhile. Within the span of one week, people will radically alter their apparel from exceedingly conservative winter coats to Daisy Dukes. Implicit in this change is a revelation of skin, sexual propensities, and general mood change.

Finally, due to the juxtaposition of a militarized State and a society relatively equal in terms of gender dynamics – women have the freedom to seek out their internal wishes without being labeled as social pariahs. Moreover, this may be a stretch, but I argue that although fear clearly suppresses our sexual appetite, when it sporadically dissipates, a layer of aggression and intense sexual passion aggregates and explodes in the form of prolific baby-making processes…

Based upon such a successful social experiment – my arrival in Israel was met with surprised euphoria. These women were not only ABSOLUTELY aesthetically stunning – but were also intelligent, goal-oriented, and exceptionally interesting. As I periodically weigh the possibilities of existentialism and Calvinism against one another – I began to search for a deeper meaning for such a serendipitous discovery. What I came up with was that despite my general passion for all of our proverbial Eves – I wanted to find that perfect counterpart. And based upon my age and inclination it seemed that this may have been one of the most significant reasons for my arrival in Israel…

Indeed, I was quite fortunate as these women unequivocally shared a DEVOUT penchant for aspiring American medical humanitarians. I raised no objections to this undeniable affinity. In fact, I had never been solicited so much before in my life. At this point, there was no doubt that I would find that woman that would stimulate every nerve and whose passion would percolate every vein every day for the remainder of my adventure-induced curtailed life. Yet despite all of my debaucherous late-night quests – my efforts were to no avail. Alternatively, I was to be used as a utensil for a period of six months by curious Middle Eastern women with ravenous thirsts. Indeed, I have NEVER encountered such a sexually liberal society – taking place on both sides of the gender divide…

The most curious phenomenon I encountered, however, was the pervasive emotional aloofness. While these women clearly attracted me initially by their sweet, soft and tender ways, I was apparently no more than a toy to them – to be disposed of as they saw fit. This was exceptionally peculiar for me, as I had most recently lived in East Asia, where women began shopping for their “white picket-fenced homes” the day immediately following sexual engagement. Could these two worlds rationally coexist?

Indeed, any woman I displayed any meaningful interest to quickly concealed all emotional vulnerability. One night, I thought I had met my Venus – the next week, I would be crudely awakened by other men answering their mobile phones. Was this really the paradise I thought it was? Sadly not. It seems that this world I had entered was the quintessential wet dream for a young man of his early 20s looking to explore, conquer and divide. I surpassed this stage some time ago…

Let us now anthropologically probe this bizarre phenomenon. Clearly, this is all conjecture and is not validated by any objective evidence. Therefore, I’m certain that many of my observations will be held in contention by my readers. However, I simply ask you to explore the abstract possibility of such explanations…

I argue that this substantially promiscuous Israeli society can be most generally rationalized by 4 significant factors. The first is the preference of living in the present. Indeed, illogical roads are built, pervasive construction abounds, bank accounts are drained, airlines are booked, and some of their most attractive men and women of this earth are frequently fornicating. Why? Because living amidst such volatile and unstable conditions creates a world where the future holds little weight and even less certainty...

Why establish good credit, set up our much-loved 401(k)s, take out a 2nd mortgage to add a 3rd wing to our unnecessarily large home, or plan on that vacation to the Caribbean decades from now – if it could all vanish in an instant? Indeed, this Israeli mentality is quantum leaps beyond that of many other western nations. Of course, most of us fail to identify our unequivocal appointment with death, and subsequently plan for a time that may never realistically materialize. What is the sum result? Spending one’s entire and only life preparing for plausible nonexistence. I have not been to Norway recently, but I don’t believe an award in astrophysics is necessary to identify this behavior as quintessentially insane…

The second contributing component to this social algorithm is that of social cohesion. Anti-Semitism has pervaded the globe for millennia. Only in the past 60 years have they found one place to call home. Due to this oppression, they have had to maintain strong ties of kinship. Indeed, this is one of the only reasons that can justifiably explain how a race/religion was able to survive amidst such ubiquitous persecution – joined in both space and time. Indeed, we may reflect upon the Durkheimian concept of social anomie here. It simply does not materialize in Jewish society. In fact, Jews have some of the lowest suicide rates in the world. The rationale is that they have kept such strong support networks. Therefore, when a nation was pieced together with individuals from all over the world – this solidarity would manifest in unprecedented ways...

Constantly assuming disacceptance would unfold, they have relied on only one sure thing – themselves. If you take this phenomenon in conjunction with them occupying part of the present-day Arab world (where it is safe to say they are less than welcome) – this social cohesion skyrockets. This is why, I believe, I have found such a divergence from expectation and truth. When traveling in other parts of the globe, they just assume that their negative press will follow them. Therefore, they expel what they expect – negativity. Yet when they are amongst their own, we are fortunate in witnessing them in their genuine unadulterated state – a charming and hospitable breed…

Therefore, while many women that I encounter from other parts of the globe may be the emotionally-starved products of dysfunctional divorces, teenage pregnancies, “daddy’s mid-life crisis defined by dating a woman 5 years my junior” (or any other Jerry Springer episode that I may have missed) – the women I meet here manifests on a strong platform of love and security. Women do not need to seek out their Freudian father in some 84 year-old sexually-exploiting man, but can feel emotionally fulfilled while enjoying the physical fruits of life with a man that they are genuinely attracted to - but nothing more…

Third, this strong sense of family values in conjunction with their remarkable endeavors to retain their racial/religious traits – a significant emphasis has been placed on Jewish women to produce children. As avian delivery of infants typically fails in practice, Israeli women are constantly reminded that they must produce offspring via seeking out competitive sperm donors. However, through remarkable sexual education and disease prevention this programmed drive fails to produce its intended result – “Jewish babies”. Alternatively, we are left with an emotionally sound, progeny-seeking, spontaneous populace actively seeking out sexual satisfaction…

Finally, independence again established by near gender equality presents another substantial piece to this sociological puzzle. Through women’s mandatory conscription in the military to their role in politics to their predominant university enrollment – women here do not “require” a male counterpart for their emotional and financial fulfillment. Moreover, due to the acceptance that their men may go off to battle and never return at any given moment, I argue that they oftentimes reserve a piece of their emotional potential. Women must quickly learn how to fend for themselves if this very real possibility materializes. However, at the same time, they recognize their physical need to consummate and thus perceive men to be a useful component to “their world” – a unique reversal of values, indeed…

And we now arrive at our idealistic debacle. I have met some incredible women along this Israeli avenue. However, this path lacks the silver-lining of emotional connection and nurturing I so desperately crave. What is the result? Emotions can never be realistically projected or quantified, but I will continue on my search until I find that amazing woman to share the rest of my undetermined life with. Until that day, glasses will remain unbroken, heads will stay bare, chagrined emotions will persist, and life will continue as before...