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How I Came Back From Ten Years Of Anxiety And Panic To Fully Recover
Author: Paul David  | Posted: 07-05-2006 | Comments: 0 | Views: 149 | Rating: (62)  (?) 
In my quest to help others, I now try and reach as many people as possible to give them the answers they so crave. I have been asked many questions from people who suffer from all forms of anxiety and panic over the years and below I list the more common ones.
Q.1 I feel so strange and out of touch with the world around me. Am I going mad?
No, you are definitely not. You may feel as if you are, but this is just another offshoot of anxiety.
Anxiety is not a mental illness. These feelings cannot harm you and there is nothing to worry about.
This feeling of strangeness has a totally logical explanation. It comes from the constant worrying about how you feel as you search your mind for answers to your condition. Your mind has become tired and less resilient through watching yourself and worrying about your symptoms, day in, day out. It has been bombarded with worrying thoughts and becomes fatigued. Just as our limbs can tire, so can our mind. It craves a rest from all this introspection of oneself.
In fact these feelings of unreality are your body's way of protecting you from the onslaught of worrying thoughts. Your mind has a safety mechanism that protects against all this, causing us to feel strange and not with it. It is crying out to be left alone and just like a broken arm will heal itself so will your body, you just have to step out of the way and let it.
The main thing is not to dwell on how you feel. These feelings are temporary. Constantly worrying about ourselves and how we feel is the very thing that keeps this feeling alive and when we learn how to stop the habit, it will disappear. Once we are able to change the pattern of our worrying thoughts, we can reverse these feelings of strangeness. You are bound to worry if you don't know why you feel like you do. That is why again 'understanding' is the key.
This is one of the questions I have been asked more than any other. I go into more detail in my book as I know that it is a symptom that needs special attention.
I found this feeling of detachment very hard to accept and understand myself, but when it was explained to me in full, I was able to rid myself of this disturbing symptom.
Q.2 Why do I feel better in certain situations and not in others?
This is a very common one and it all comes down to how you think in other situations.
For example, you may feel better in the safety of your own home rather than at a family gathering. There is no difference in both of these situations, the only difference is in the way you think. You are the same person and it is not the situation that makes you feel worse it is your thought pattern.
You may spend the day worrying about going to a particular function, setting your body up to be anxious on arrival and then blame it on the situation you are in rather than the thought pattern you have created during the day while at home. You may get there and then also worry about making a fool of yourself, spending the whole time tensing against how you feel and creating more anxiety. Do you see how we do this to ourselves? It is not the situation, but our perception of the situation that causes us to feel worse in certain situations. You are merely doing it to yourself with your thoughts.
You must just accept how you feel wherever you are and in whatever situation you find yourself deal with yourself and not the place. Sometimes a place may hold certain memories of failure, which makes us feel anxious, but this soon passes when we learn to accept how
If you truly accept how you feel in every situation and stop all the "What if's" and other negative thoughts that just increase anxiety, you will find that although you may feel uncomfortable at times, nothing bad is going to happen to you, and in time your reactions lessen until you feel more able to cope, day by day. Anxiety loves avoidance, so take it's power away and move forward and embrace these feelings of fear, even if you're in a situation where you feel you have failed in the past.
Avoiding symptoms just does not work, as you must realise by now. I was taught to let all feelings be there, not to avoid them but to go through them. This worked for me, I had faced the demons head on and realised this was the only way to stop fearing them. I ignored my body's instinct to avoid and started to embrace how I felt, I moved towards the feelings of fear. Eventually, I started to understand my condition so much more. I went from not been able to even mention or hear the word anxiety, to barely giving it a second thought.
I mention the word 'understanding' again, because this is the key to recovery. How can you not fear something you don't understand! How can you accept something that still scares you?
Q.3 Will these feelings ever go away?
Yes, they will, once you understand why you feel like you do. You can unmask the fears you hold about anxiety. There are so many myths about anxiety that it worries me just how many people are mis-informed and truly believe they will never get better, and that they will just have to live with this condition. Too many people spend years like I did, searching for that elusive miracle cure that just does not exist.
Understanding anxiety takes away so much fear out of how we feel. Every stage and symptom has a logical explanation that can be explained. With less fear and more understanding, we also calm the constant worrying it is the lack of information on the subject that keeps the worry cycle going. Constant worrying that we will never get better also adds to the belief that we will just have to live with it.
Once we start to understand anxiety and use the tools we have learnt to cope with how we feel, the change can be dramatic. In my recovery, I found that the more knowledge I had and the more I understood my condition the easier it was to accept how I felt. I started to lose fear of my symptoms and how I felt. Eventually they began to hold less power over me and I started to pay them less respect.
Like I once said to someone, "Your symptoms hate to be ignored".
It is your desperation to rid yourself of how you feel that keeps your anxiety alive. The stress you put on yourself day in day out, the constant worrying and thinking about your condition, puts a tremendous pressure on your body. Is it any wonder you stay anxious? It's time to stop beating yourself up about how you feel and give your body the rest it craves.
Knowledge is power. The less you fear your symptoms, the less they mean. This also stops the worry cycle you may find yourself in, which is the very thing that keeps anxiety going. You are bound to worry if you don't know what is wrong with you, that is why you need an explanation to help break this cycle.
Q.4 Why do I find it so hard in social situations? I find it so hard to communicate with people.
How can we expect to feel part of this world when all we do is worry about ourselves. Is it any wonder we find it difficult to follow a conversation when all we are concerned about is ourselves and how we feel. It is like being two separate people, one trying to hold a conversation, the other watching our body's reaction. Is it any wonder we struggle to fit in to the world around us?
Once we find the courage to accept how we feel, even embrace these feelings, we find it easier to follow what the other person is saying. We become less concerned about how we feel which gives us more time to be interested in the situation we are in and become more involved in the present.
Q.5 Why do I seem to have so many bad thoughts running around all day?
The reason you seem to have your attention on yourself all day and it feels like there are hundreds of thoughts running through your mind is because of all your confusion about how you feel. You go round in your mind all day long, looking for answers, trying to find a way out of this hell. Some people may even stay up all night reflecting on the whole day, trying to figure it all out. Mostly these are negative or worrying thoughts and that's why they seem to come automatically and with so much force. When you are in an anxious state, emotions seem to be ten-fold. Everything magnifies, a little problem becomes massive, and something that you could dismiss when you were healthy, sticks around all day.
Eventually thinking just becomes automatic it becomes a habit. All day, every day, these thoughts seem to come before you even think them. Looking at it from another angle, when people meditate, they stop thinking for hours on end until it becomes a habit and they can go all day without a worrying thought. That is why they feel so refreshed.
Not you, your thoughts just carry on and on and when your mind is tired, like it is now, it grasps hold of every thought, pulls them in and they seem to stick.
Don't worry that thoughts come so often and seem so bad. These thoughts are not real, they are just exaggerated thoughts due to your overactive, fatigued mind. They hold no danger to you at all they are just THOUGHTS and nothing else.
Don't ever think, "I must not think that". Let all thoughts come, do not run away from any of them. See them for what they are - thoughts - exaggerated because of the way you feel. They can do you no harm and they mean nothing. They won't be around when you recover, so pay them no respect.
Why not try following a negative/scary thought through and ask yourself, "What's the worst thing that could happen?" Ask yourself, "Is it really going to happen? Is this thought rational in any way?" If you do this, you may find an answer to a thought you have been so frightened of. So the next time you can see them for what they are and let them go, and deep down inside of you there is a place where you can see thoughts for what they are, you will realize they just come from habit and are just not important.
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About the Author:Paul David has been helping people understand and recover from anxiety and panic for many years now. He wrote a book on the subject and also has is own website at
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http://www.anxietynomore.co.uk
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My Wacko Life
By: crystalclear | 23-08-2008
Oh my gosh, where do I start? I need help in the worst sort of way. I am 48 years old. Life started out fine, up until I was 5 years old. Then my brother was born. He nearly died at birth and it was months before he could come home. He is mildly mentally retarded. From the time my brother was born, me and my sister ceased to exist. Everything revolved around my brother. When I was seven, I was sexually molested by a neighbor. It was never talked about. I never had any counseling afterwards, it was 1967 after all. Then a couple years after that, my dad started beating me and my sister. And it was over the stupidest things, like once I forgot to put bannanas in his cereal and he knocked me to the ground and kicked me in the stomach and back until I think I went unconscious. He would whip me and my sister so bad with a belt, that we'd lock ourselves in the bathroom, putting cold cloths on our welts and plot how to kill him. But my brother was never touched, because my Mother protected him like a she-bear. She would set me and my sister up for beatings too. She'd wait till Daddy came home and tattle every single thing we'd done wrong during the day and he'd beat the crap out of us. Then he started cheating on her and she found out and one day, she just packed us all up and took off to Texas.....as a punishment to my dad. It wasn't a year after that, that she threw me out of the house, at age 15. I met my first husband, who carried on the beating tradition, but he was wealthy and I had everything I wanted materially. I never had to worry about money. I stuck it out for 28 years...26 year of marriage, 2 years of living together.....only to have him get a much younger woman pregnant and divorce me to marry her. I was fortunate because right at that time, my grandparents died and I inherited part of a family farm. So I moved back to the town I was born in. At first, it was like paradise. The farm was split between my Aunt...she got 50%, my sister got 16 1/3 percent, my brother got 16 1/3 percent and I got 16 1/3 percent thereabouts. I should go back to my Mother at this point. She never forgave my dad for cheating on her and harrangued him and his parents until the day he died for money. They were wealthy, her family was poor. She felt that they should fully support my brother, even though dad was on his third wife. My dad's parents bought everything for my brother, land, a nice home, a garage, a barn, a vehicle. When they died they left us all money and the farm. It was not enough though. It is never enough when it comes to my brother. They stipulated that the farm should never be sold, that we would start a corporation together and the land and everything is all under all our names in deed and title. My Mother was mentally unstable. She was always threatening suicide. One time I had to call her Mother over to help me because she was sticking her head in the oven, trying to commit suicide. I was 14 then. Once my dad came to visit and they got into a fist fight and she was screaming for me to call the police and I had to have the police come and drag my dad away, crying. I lived through horrors that nobody should ever have to live through. I became an alcoholic and drug addict, until at 28 I overdosed and nearly died, I had a mild stroke. That was enough and I've been clean and sober ever since. Flash forward to today. My Mother has gotten even worse. She's now 74 years old and has craziness going on that makes her younger days seem sane. It started when land prices skyrocketed down here. She decided she was going to make us all sellout, so she could have my brother's share of the farm to take care of him. We're talking probably $750,000 a piece but taxes would come out of that. I don't want to sell, my Aunt doesn't want to sell..my sister is wishy-washy sometimes she wants to hang onto the farm, sometimes she wants to sell, my brother doesn't want to sell. Mother had my brother declared legally incompetent, just to take his inheritence away from him. When I refused to go along with her plot....that's where it all got crazy. She's tried to hire a lawyer to sue me, she sends me hate mail, she sends me hate e-mail, she leaves nasty messages on my phone. She's sent letters to all my neighbors, to my church, telling people what a sorry, crappy daughter I am. My Grandmother (her mother) and I have always written to each other. My grandma is 97 years old and still spry. My Mother threw a fit with my grandmother and told her she couldn't write me anymore because I was sending subliminal messages to my Mother in my letters (I didn't even know Mother was reading my letters to my grandmother, she doesn't live with her). My Mother has harranged and harrassed me for over 3 years now. I haven't spoken to her or replied to any of what she is doing to me other than one letter, telling her to get psychiatric help as soon as possible. That made it even worse, as I've heard she carries that letter around like a cross, telling everybody what a crappy daughter I am. My attitude is that my happiness is just as valuable as my brother's well-being and I shouldn't have to sell my shares of the farm if I don't want to. I don't know what to do about my Mother. Why won't she leave me alone? I'm not bothering anybody. Next problem, I married again. My husband and I don't fight or argue. All the same, we've got a bizarre relationship. All of our money is separate. I don't even know how much he's got in the bank, but at one point I saw a savings statement for over $100,000. I work, 10 hour days. I'm poor as a church mouse. Sometimes, I don't have money for food. He buys his groceries, I buy mine. We split the bills. We split the taxes. We split the insurance. Everything 50/50. Except he makes 3 times what I make. If I run out of money before payday, well, that's just too bad. I get a lecture on how I need to manage my money better. I constantly get reminded of how I "never have any money" when it comes to something we want to do together and I say "I don't have the money". And since I married him nearly 5 years ago, I've gone through the change of life and it was bad. I still have not gotten my weight under control, no matter what I have tried. I've been to doctors, I've been to dieticians, I've followed STRICT diets to the letter and I'm still 50 pounds overweight. My hair fell out until I was bald in patches. My skin is so dry and itchy that it just peels. It's miserable. I could not sleep more than 20 or 30 minutes at a time for waking up sweating. I have managed to correct that by going to a sleep specialist. But I have to sleep with the air conditioning going full blast and the ceiling fan and a box fan blowing on me at night, it's like an icebox in our room. My husband has been merciless about my menopause weight gain. He's made no bones about the fact that he finds me repulsive now. I am lucky if I can get a hug out of him. He won't touch me, not to rub my back, no sex, no kissing, no nothing. It's like I've got leprosy. As you can imagine, my self esteem is shot. I was always thin. I'm 5'11. I was never waif like but a healthy and weight for me was about 150. Now I weigh 208. I was a beautiful woman. My husband's comment is that I "Hit the brick wall". That's his saying for a pretty woman that got fat and ugly. Sometimes I fire back with ugly insults to him but that doesn't make me feel better. Mostly, I just retreat, leave the room. I don't like to fight. I never have. Mostly, now, he just ignores me. I've become nothing. And it's not like I can put him out of the house and kick him out, though I OWN this house. I can't afford to be without him because at least he pays half the bills. But that's the problem. We are like roommates. Really, that's all we are. And I feel like I'm so ugly now, that I'd never find another husband. I have no friends. In fact, I've NEVER had a single friend in my entire life. Even my Koo-Koo mother has friends, lifelong friends that she goes and does stuff with. I have trouble trusting anyone. I don't trust their motives, I don't trust them not to be talking about me behind my back, I don't trust them not to be stealing my spouse, I don't trust anyone period. I had one wonderful love affair one time. The love of my life. One day, out of the blue, he said "I don't love you anymore...in fact, I don't even think I know what love is." and just like that, it was over. I thought I was going to die. That was one I didn't see coming. I still don't understand what happened. I'll never know. I'm sure by now, you think I am a pretty pathetic person. It's not like I haven't done my "time on the couch". I've had years of therapy. It's like it never gets better. I'll think that finally, I'm going to get to be happy. Then something else happens. There is so much drama in my life, it could easily become a Lifetime Movie. People have even told me that I should write a book. Especially about my Mama Drama. I tell them I couldn't write a movie about her...she'd SUE ME. I mean seriously, how many people have Mother's that try to sue them. And she still hasn't given that up. She just hasn't found an attorney that will sue me to MAKE me sell my land. I expect anytime for her to put on a Pamper and drive the thousand miles down here to try to assault me or kidnap me and hold me hostage till I sell. It wouldn't surprise me at all. She's that nuts. So does anybody have anything to say that might at least make me feel better. My nerves are shot...menopause doesn't help in these situations. I think I've done really well not to hit the bottle again. Believe me, there are times that I've thought about going down and buying some booze and just getting stinking drunk. But I realize that that won't solve the problems. Thank you.
Help! what should i do!!
By: pinkylove | 23-08-2008
My bf is exchanging mails and pictures with girls he meet online,they are all overseas but they all have the same kind of work(including my bf) so theres a chance they can meet someday and i think this girls are desperate coz most of them are divorced and have kids and older than my bf.When i told my bf i know what he was doing we got into a big argument and almost broke up but he said he will change and he will never do it again blah blah....the thing is hes been doing it over and over again and the mails are getting intimate and the pictures naked but he told me that they are nothing and they dont mean anything to him just internet thing but its been going on for almost 2 years now and im really getting tired,i told him im really leaving him but once again hes begging me to stay,he said im the only one he wants and that if i want hes going to a counseling to help him deal with this coz i told him hes sick.what if he really do counseling should i give him a chance again? or should i really just leave and not waste my time anymore?Weve been together and living in for 2 years now and weve been dependent on eachother,its hard to let go thats why so many times i tried but ended staying.Do you think hes just saying those things to me(im the only one he wants,he will go to counselling,begging me to stay) just so ill stay? Please help im really really confused.....
Can anyone help me find psyciartric care?
By: Karen | 23-08-2008
How can I find information on finding free psyciatric care? I have a friend I believe is severley depressed and he needs attention. Can anyone out there help me?
People - answer some or all
By: voterperson | 22-08-2008
STORY ONE
Is Carlys mom saying that Carly was overweight before and now Carly is skinny or is Carly reading too much into this: STORY : Carly is THIN and A FEW DAYS AGO when Carly came home from work she changed into a tee-shirt but wore the same pants she wore to work. Carlys mom asked her as they sat down to eat if Carly lost weight, and Carly said no, but this upset Carly. Carly said to her mom that her mom always tells Carly she looks beautiful. Her mom said you do look beautiful but your pants look bigger. And she told Carly that Carly is skinny enough.?. (OK KEEP IN MIND THAT LAST WEEK WHEN CARLY AND HER MOM WENT TO VISIT CARLY?S AUNT IN ANOTHER STATE THEY TOOK THE BUS. (CARLYS AUNT GAVE A DESCRIPTION OF CARLY TO THE CAB DRIVER PICKING CARLY AND HER MOM UP AT THE BUS DEPOT BY SAYNG CARLY IS VERY SKINNY. (AND THE LAST TIME THE AUNT SAW CARLY WAS A YEAR AGO.)
STORY TWO
QUESTION I AM ASKING AFTER YOU READ THE STORY IS WHY would SANDY (a chunky girl ) tell MARY (a thin girl who is always told by strangers, relatives, friends she is thin/skinny, looks like a size 4) that Sandy thinks Mary is average and size 8,then pauses and adds in size 10. MARY (who is THE friend I am asking about) IS UPSET AS TO WHY SANDY WOULD SAY WHAT SHE SAID WHEN EVERYONE IS ALWAYS TELLING MARY SHE IS THIN/SKINNY AND SINGLE DIGIT SIZE. HERE IS THE STORY: Mary (very thin) and Sandy (chunky)met in the hallway, Mary told Sandy she got a parking spot right across the street. Sandy said to Mary Exercise. And the reason Sandy said she mentioned exercise because she is concerned about her heart. Mary decided to ask; Sandy do you think I am thin; As Sandy was putting stuff away Sandy replied to Mary; You are average, size 8 paused and added size 10;Mary left and went back to her desk. Four co-workers saw Mary and asked Mary what was wrong Mary told them the story. Her co-workers said to her; Mary you are thin/skinny and cannot be more than a size 4, and not more than 110 pounds. Then Mary said; So why did Sandy say average and size 10 if everyone sees me as skinny/thin size 4;They replied; Sandy is jealous; Do you agree/concur with Marys friends? Here are some things her co-workers and friends said after Sandys remark: Audrey: Mary you are so skinny Billy: Mary you are thin. Jill: No wonder Mary you are so skinny Tom: Mary you cannot weigh more than 100lbs Yvette: Thin I want to feel you Mary Sara: Mary you are thin Petunia: Thin not just saying that you Mary are thin - cannot weigh more than 90lbs Doris: How do you Mary stay so thin and you have to be a size 4; Joanne: Mary you are so thin Leslie: Mary is a thin person Helen: How skinny do you Mary want to be Arlene: He is a big man, however, you Mary I can push Iola: Mary you are very thin
STORY THREE
MY QUESTION: after you read the story: DO you agree with Susan that all Kerry is saying is that Patti is thin with shape STORY: The two players are Kerry and Patti. Kerry and Patti who were having a conversation about many things and then all of a sudden the following happened. Kerry said: Patti I think you are a size 5/6 in clothing, even the temp that works for me said you have to be a 5/6 in clothing. Patti didn't say anything. Kerry said; you have hips, but they are NOT big. Look at my hips, my hips are big yours are not; Patti just listened and didn't say anything.. At 5:00PM as Kerri ,Patti and Susan walked to their cars together Kerry told Patti again that Patti looks like a 5/6 in clothing. Patti asked Susan (a person who witnessed the conversation) Does Kerry think I have big hips; Susan replied; No Kerry does not. Kerry even told you that she doesn't think you have big hips. All Kerry is saying is you are thin with shape. "
STORY FOUR
MY QUESTION after you read the story: Did I give the right answer? STORY: My friend Peggy was out sick for two days in a row with food poisoning. When Peggy came back to work she met Tania by the ladies room at 9AM. Tania said; girl you are skinny, you lost weight. Peggy thought Tania was implying that Tania never thought Peggy was skinny before her two day illness (everyone is always telling Peggy she is skinny - all of her). Anyway around 3PM Peggy was in Tanias office and Peggy asked Tania did Tania think that Peggy still looked sick and does Tania think Peggy look pale. Tania said Peggy you do look pale. Then Peggy said to Tania did Tania think Peggy looks drawn like Tania told Peggy earlier. And Tania said she didnt say that. What Tania said she said was that Peggys face looked like it lost weight and when one isnt smiling and one looks pale their face looks thinner. That night Peggy called me on the telephone and told me the story and asked me was Tania implying that she never thought Peggy was skinny before her two day illness. And I told Peggy that Tania wasnt saying that at all, all Tania said was that Peggys face looked skinnier.
STORY FIVE
MY QUESTION Do you agree/concur with Ramona's friends that Ramona should not be bent out of shape because the clerk could not see what she looked like due to the fact she was standing behind the partition and all he could see was her neck and face and she was wearing a coat. Ramona and the store clerk are the two people in the story. STORY: Ramona came in and purchased her herb tablets. She asked him how much should one take. The clerk said to her that most women should weigh a 160 pounds, however, she weighs a little less so she can take less. The little less bothered her so she asked him to clarify what he thought she weighs he said 130 pounds. She replied you don't even know what I look like and he remarked that I see you come in here; Telling her that he thought she weighed 130 upset her because everyone always tells her that she looks like she weighs 110 or less.Also keep in mind that he wasn't facing her when he said this and there was a partition blocking his view of her so all he saw was her face and neck. When Ramona told her friends the story all of Ramona's friends said she should not be upset because when the clerk made the comment she was standing behind a partition and all he could see was her neck and face and Ramona was wearing a coat. KEEP IN MIND THE FOLLOWING1)RAMONA WAS WEARING A COAT WHEN SHE CAME INTO THE STORE THAT DAY(2)LATER ON WHEN THECONVERSATION TOOK PLACE SHE WAS STANDING BEHIND A PARTITION AND ALL THE CLERK COULD SEE WAS HER NECK AND FACE(3KEEPIN MIND EVERY ONE ALWAYS TELLS RAMONA SHE IS THIN/SKINNY ANDWEIGHS NO MORE THAN 110 POUNDS(4)THE CLERK ONLY SAW RAMONA A TOTAL OF FIVE TIMES SPREAD OUT OVER THE YEAR AND EVERY TIME HE SAW HER SHE WAS WEARING A COAT)There are absolutely no cameras or mirrors
STORY SIX
MY QUESTION after you read the story: Do you concur with Colettes friends that Josie only said; Well; in a hesitant voice was because Josie never saw Colette standing, Josie only saw Colette sitting so Josie never realized how thin Colette is. STORY: Colette (who is very thin) went to a coffee shop for lunch and a girl who is there was eating lunch with her brother. The girl who is mentally challenged saw Colette eating a bagel and cream cheese and said; You shouldnt eat that;. The brother explained that his sister just came from a nutrition lecture. Colette told a co-worker the story and said; Do I look fat; The co-worker said; Colette you are very thin.; Later on Colette went to make Xerox copies of a report. Colette was standing on one side of the Xerox machine and Josie on the other and all they could see of one another was from the waist up. Colette and Josie exchanged small talk and then Colette said; Josie do you think I am thin?; Josie hesitantly said; Well, and then decided not to wait to make copies. Colette finished making copies went back to her desk. Late afternoon Colette got up to do something and Josie ran over and said to Colette; I only saw you sitting down, my god you are thin.; Colette that night got together with a few friends and in passing told them what transpired between she and Josie and all Colettes friends said ;the only reason Josie said; Well; in a hesitant voice was because Josie never saw you (Colette) standing she (Josie) only saw you (Colette) sitting so she (Josie) never realized how thin you (Colette) are and she (Josie) even admitted when she (Josie) saw you (Colette) standing that you (Colette) are thin.;
STORY SEVEN
MY QUESTION: after you read the story: Did I give Patricia the right answer. STORY: Today at work an elderly customer asked Patricia if she lost weight and Patricia told her no. The customer said that Patricias face looked like she lost weight, but maybe Patricia was tired. Then as they started to walk toward Patricias coworkers desk the elderly customer told Patricia that Patricia is so skinny. Patricia said to her that that Patricia was always skinny. The elderly customer replied you are like me you lose weight in face but gain in stomach. The stomach part bothered Patricia. Patricia said to the elderly customer that Patricia is skinny everywhere. The elderly customer told Patricia that Patricia is skinny every where. That the elderly customer does not want Patricia to get fat but Patricia should gain five pounds. The elderly customer said that the elderly customers stomach is big since the elderly customer retired. And that the elderly customer thinks Patricia is skinny every where and she said that even Patricias hands are tiny as well. Patricia called me and told me the story and I told her that all the woman is saying that it looked Patricia lost weight in the face and Patricia is skinny everywhere including Patricias stomach, but the elderly lady has a big stomach.
STORY EIGHT
MY QUESTION after you read the story DO you agree with what we said to Lucy? STORY: My friend Lucy was sitting at the dining room table with her cousin Eileen. Eileen turned to Lucy and said: Lucy you are a size 8 in clothes and Lucy replied; Yes I am.? Eileen said: I thought you are a size 8 but I could not remember if you told me you are a size 8 or 10. The next day Lucy told me and few of our other friends what Eileen said and Lucy asked us does my cousin think I am higher than a size 8 and we told her that no that Eileen does not think that at all
STORY NINE
MY QUESTION after you read the story do you agree with Jennifer?s friends? STORY: Lets say two people (Katie and Jennifer) worship in the same place. However, they really don?t come in contact with one another in the place of worship or any other place for that matter, but one day they meet in the parking lot in the shopping center in town. And Katie says (in a surprised voice) Jennifer you are so skinny. However, Jennifer is/was always skinny. And when Jennifer told her friends what Katy said her friends said to Jennifer: Katie never looked at you ever so that day in the parking lot she finally saw what you looked like and until that day she never realized how thin you are
STORY TEN:
MY QUESTION after you read the story is do you agree with Mimis friends: STORY: Mimi is a size 6 but LOOKS SMALLER and she went to a flea market and a woman was trying to sell a pair of jeans. The woman turned to Mimi and said you are a size 10 ;my daughter is a size 10. That night when Mimi went home she told her friends what the vendor said and her friends said to her: the vendor just wants to sell her jeans, she would say the same thing to a size 2.
STORY ELEVEN
What I am trying to ask is: that Patricia is telling Betty look how can I think you have plumb legs when I have never, ever seen them and it was only a dream nothing more.Here is the story again: "I know that Betty is reading into it: KEEP IN MIND IT WAS PATRICIA THAT HAD THE DREAM, NOT BETTY. PATRICIA HAD THE DREAM ABOUT BETTY and a Rock group. MY QUESTION: Can Betty accept the fact that Patricia does not think Betty has plump legs and it was only a dream.? The two players are Patricia and Betty. Betty always wears long wide skirts. Patricia and Betty were having lunch. Patricia told Betty she had a dream about a rock band that she and Betty love. The dream was as follows: Patricia and Betty were on a double date with John and Steve (two of the male rock stars). Patricia was with John and Betty was with Steve. Steve said I only like girls with plump legs and Patricia replied Betty has plumb legs. END OF DREAM. This dream got Betty upset and she asked Patricia are you saying my legs are plump. Patricia said no I have never seen your legs. It was only a dream
STORY TWELVE
: MY QUESTION: Do you agree with Susanna? My friend Caroline (who is a size 6/8) was at the park with her friend Tom in 2006. She was wearing an oversized sweater. Tom looks at the sweater and says ?Size 10 body in a size 12 sweater?. This got her upset so she asked ?Do you think I am a size 10? and Tom said: ?I don?t think you are a size 10 all I am trying to do is make a comparison between the body and the sweater. I could have easily said size 50 body in a size 52 sweater, OR a size 100 body in a size 102 sweater.? - Then for some reason Caroline and Tom lost touch for two years and then they bumped into one another and went and grabbed a cup of coffee. An hour later out of the blue he handed Caroline the following note that he wrote that he swore to himself if he ever ran into Caroline he would give the note to her: THE NOTE: ?You are not extra, extra large, You are not extra large, You are not large, You are not medium and has never been medium,. YOU ARE SMALL AND HAS ALWAYS BEEN SMALL. YOU ARE A SIZE 5 AND IF A SIZE 5 IS LARGE THAN YOU ARE A SIZE 1.? After Caroline and Tom parted Caroline called her friend Susanna and told Susanna everything that happened two years ago and then she read Susanna the note. Susanna said:?Caroline all your friend Tom was doing two years ago was just trying to show the difference between the body and the sweater and Tom does NOT think you are higher than a size 5.
STORY THIRTEEN
: MY question: Do you agree with Sara? In 1987 Jessica was talking with Bob (her boss) and her friend Nancy. Bob says ?Nancy you are skinny?. Then Jessica decides to say: ?What about me, am I thin? Bob says ?No? but knows Jessica is obsessed with weight. Later on Jessica thinks Bob said that he was only kidding, however, she knows for a fact that her other bosses always say that Jessica eats to live, but they live to eat Even though Jessica has an excellent memory she cannot remember if it really happened or if she imagined the above incident in 1987. Jessica called Sara and Sara said: ? No one would flat out tell someone they are fat unless it was a joke. They might say something like you know you are a little bit overweight or something a bit more polite. The incident could be real because you think Bob told you he was clowning around. Also guys like to annoy girls and play on their sensitivities?
STORY FOURTEEN
: Read carefully. Read what Yvette says as the final answer before you give your answer. MY :QUESTION: Do you agree with Sandra? KEEP IN MIND THAT ANOTHER CUSTOMER ASKED MARIE HOW SHE STAYS SO THIN AND NEVER GAINS WEIGHT, AND ANOTHER CUSTOMER SAID TO MARIE THAT MARIE KEEPS GETTING SKINNIER AND SKINNIER AND ANOTHER PERSON TOLD HER THAT SHE IS SKINNY LIKE A FAMOUS SINGER HERE IS THE CONVERSATION: Yvette: ?Marie did you gain weight? Marie: ?Everyone always tells me I am skinny? Yvette: ?Wait a second it may be the glasses. They are an old pair and magnified? Marie: ?Then take the glasses off? Yvette took the glasses off and looked around and then looked at Marie Yvette: ?Yes it is the glasses, you are skinny. You know I was wondering why that when I was walking over here that the buildings seemed bigger and weird looking? she said this twice Sandra (A coworker of Marie?s) called Yvette over to giver her something. As Yvette was walking away she said ?Marie you are small the glasses make everything look bigger. Then Marie told Sandra what Yvette said. Sandra said ?Yes you can accept the fact that it was the glasses that made Yvette think you gained weight and yes she thinks you are skinny and did not gain weight?
STORY FIFTEEN
: MY QUESTION: Do you agree with Rhoda? Nina saw her best friend for the first 18 years of their life. Then Nina moved and only saw Kelly (her best friend) in 1973, 1977, 1985, and 2002 - just for about five minutes in each year. And the rest of the time they just talk on the telephone. Then on January 2008 the following telephone conversation took place: Kelly ?I am so surprised how the elementary school kids dress and also they are more endowed. When I was in school I was a size 7 but now I am a size 12?. Nina ?I am a size 6/8? Kelly ?I thought you would be a size 10 because my mother is a size 12, my mother-in-law is a size 16, my friend Cheryl is a size 10, and another friend is a size 12, my sons girlfriend who is 19 years old is a size 3? Nina ?Do you think I am fat? Kelly ?You are far from fat but the average woman takes a size 10? Nina ?Do you remember what I look like? Kelly ?No I don?t remember what you look like all I remember is you wore a pink suit with lipstick that matched, you must be skinny? Then they hung up. Nina called Rhoda and told Rhoda the story and Rhoda said: ?Yes you accept the fact Kelly does not remember what you look like and the only reason Kelly said size 10 is because of the women Kelly sees on a day-to-day basis and the size 10 comment was made on the phone and not face-to-face?
STORY SIXTEEN
: My question: DO you agree with Shelly?
Darla (who is thin) and Phyllis (who is thin) were on the bus and Phyllis spots a girl on flag outside a Karate school in a bikini. And Phyllis says "If you take Karate you can look like her too". Darla ?What who, oh that girl on the flag, but what do you mean if YOU? Phyllis clarified ?I mean YOU as meaning people in general? Darla ?Why you don?t think I am thin? Phyllis : ?You are on the thin side, you have a thin face" Darla "But I am thin every where" Darla replied ?Yes you are, but ?I have a friend that is thinner than us and no one would ever call you fat?; Then when they got off the bus Darla said ?You know people tell me I don?t look like I eat? Phyllis said ?I would not go that far? Darla ?You mean you are saying I don?t look anorexic? Phyllis ?yes that is what I meant when I said I would not go that far? Darla said ?Thank God, but everyone says I am skinny? Phyllis replied: "Well it is better than every one telling you that you are fat" Then when they were on the phone three days later Phyllis reassured Darla that she thinks Darla is thin. Darla called her cousin Shelly and told Shelly the story and Shelly said ?No one would ever mistake you for being anything other than thin and yes you can accept the fact that Phyllis thinks you are thin and all she was doing was making fun of the flag?
STORY SEVENTEEN
: My question: Do you agree with Alicia?s friend - give details? This conversation took place at a local drugstore between Alicia (a customer) and Francine (who works in the store). Keep in mind that Alicia and Francine never really talk to another when Alicia comes into the store FIRST CONVERSATION: Francine: ?Why do you use this vitamin? Alicia: ?To stop the deficiency? Francine: ?Did you gain weight? Alicia: ?Why do I look fat? Francine: ?No before you were too thin now you are perfect? However, this did not satisfy Alicia so she kept calling and writing letters to Francine and pestering her and asking Francine if Francine thought Alicia is thin . SECOND CONVERSATION: Francine: ?This letter writing and calling has got to stop? Alicia: ?Just think about answering? Francine: ?Maybe? Alicia: ?Just answer one question - do you think I am thin? Francine: ?No? (but she said this in anger) Alicia: ?Who do you think is thin? Francine: ?Me? (Francine is about 25 pounds overweight) Alicia: ?Well about a week ago I went to my doctor and he offered me candy and I told him I don?t like candy and he said Alicia no wonder you are thin? Francine: ?I am thin, you are not? (she said this in anger as well) Alicia: ?Francine you are ___? Francine cut her off and said: ?GO ahead and say it? Alicia: ?Francine you are not thin? THAT NIGHT Alicia called a friend and told the friend the story and the friend said ?(1) Francine had to say you were not thin because she had to say something nasty to get rid of you because you were pestering her and writing letters to her; (2) and Francine knows you are thin, just look in the mirror; (3) and all she meant was that before you were too thin but you are still thin?
STORY EIGHTEEN:
My question: DO you agree with Ellen when she said that Rebecca can accept that Hannah think Rebecca is thin - give details THIS CONVERSATION TOOK PLACE BETWEEN HANNAH (REBECCA?S therapist) AND REBECCA FACE-TO-FACE IN HANNAH?S OFFICE Hannah: ?You are the right weight for your size? Rebecca: ?What do you mean? Hannah: ?You are not overweight or underweight? Rebecca: Do you think I am thin? Hannah: ?Do you like to be thin? Rebecca: ?Yes? Hannah: ?It is ok to be thin? Rebecca: ?True? Hannah: ?You are thin not skinny: Rebecca: ?Why did you hesitate when I asked you if you think I am thin? Hannah: ?Because some people are insulted when you tell them you think they are thin, they say why do you think I am too thin? As they parted Hannah reassured Rebecca one more time she thinks Rebecca is absolutely and definitely thin then this CONVERSATION A WEKK LATER FACE-TO-FACE IN HANNAH?S OFFICE Rebecca: ?So how was the party? Hannah: ?Great it ended at 1AM? Rebecca: ?That is great. Just out of curiosity do you think I am thin? Hannah: ?Absolutely and definitely thin? Rebecca: ?Why did you say that I am the right weight for your size? Hannah: ?Because many times I associate thin as being too skinny, thin usually isn?t in my vocabulary? PHONE CONVERSATION A DAY LATER Rebecca: ?Just confirming my appointment for next week? Hannah: ?Ok and You are absolutely definitely thin? Rebecca: ?Ok I believe you think I am thin, but what is your definition of thin? Hannah: ?You cannot go by definition but by the person. Let me explain: In other words lets say a girl by the name of Donna is blonde. When you look at the definition it doesn?t say Donna is blond, it says blonde is a color, same applies to thin. Rebecca is thin. I said you are definitely think absolutely thin. I said it about six times. Again you are absolutely and definitely thin. I will repeat it again.? and she repeated it a few more times Rebecca: ?You do tell me all the time I am thin? Hannah: ?I know I did , but I told you in different way? LATER THAT NIGHT Rebecca called Ellen and told Ellen about the conversations and Ellen said ?Yes you can definitely accept the fact Hannah thinks you are thin?
STORY NINETEEN
: My Question: Do you agree when I told Stacy that Erica does not think Stacy is higher than a 6/8. Stacy who is a size 6/8 went to a store. Stacy was wearing a light weight jacket and was looking thru the blouse section of a department store: A heavyset girl by the name of Erica (Stacy asked her name) was there looking thru the same rack. Erica said: ?This blouse will fit you? (She said this to Stacy) Stacy replied: ?Thanks? (Stacy looked inside the blouse saw it was size 10, got a little upset.) and said : ?When you took the blouse out did you look at the garment or the size? Erica replied: ?I just saw it wasn?t my size? Stacy replied: ?Because I am a size 6/8? (Stacy said this kind of low) Erica said ?These blouses run small I take a size 20 but I also get a size 22? Stacy said: ?Just out of curiosity what size do you think I am? Erica replied ?You look like a size 6/8. Then they parted company but then bumped into one another. Stacy said: ?What size did you say you thought I am? Erica replied: ?Definitely a size 6/8.? Stacy called me and related the story and I told her yes you can accept the fact that Erica thinks you are a size 6/8.
STORY TWENTY
: My question: Do you agree with Elaine?s friends. Elaine has always been skinny; Here is a conversation that took place between Elaine and her mom and Shirley (Elaine?s sister). Mom said: ?I am afraid to take you to the party because if someone came over to you and said you got so thin you would take it to mean you were not always thin? Elaine replied: ?Well doesn?t it mean that? Mom said: ?No. You would just hear it that way, you were always thin? Shirley said: ?Elaine you were always the thin one, I was always the heavy one. I mean maybe at 15 you weren?t thin? About four hours later Elaine said: ?Shirley why did you say maybe at 15 you weren?t thin. I thought you said I was always thin? Shirley replied: ?I just threw out a number, and yes you were always thin? Elaine told her friend Sylvia. Sylvia said ?(1) Elaine all your mom is saying is that you were always thin but people might notice you got thinner and (2) your sister always thought you were thin even at age 15. Y our sister was just throwing out a number?
STORY TWENTY-ONE
: My question: Did I give Jill the right answer?
My friend Jill (skinny size 4,6, 8) was at the store looking at blouses and had three in her hand. An older lady had a blue blouse in her hand that Jill wanted. The lady started to put it back but saw Jill wanted it so she gave it to Jill. Jill was happy. Then there was a lady who had a beautiful white blouse in her hand who handed it to Jill. The blouse is a size 12 but looked tiny. Keep in mind at this store the sizes are so off. Jill has brought 12?s, 14?s and 16?s and she is a size 4,6,8. Also keep in mind the size 12 was so buried under the Designer?s label that all you see was the name of the designer. Jill only saw the size 12 when she looked under the designer label. Lady who had the White blouse said: ?Here do you want this? (Jill took the blouse and liked it) Jill replied: ?You don?t want the blouse? Lady who had the White blouse said ?No? Jill replied: ?How come? Lady who had the White blouse said: ?I look for you. I am looking for my mom and she is big and the blouse is small? But Jill did not buy the blouse. Then the next day Jill happened to be back at the store and saw the blouse. But this blouse had the label next to the designer label located inside the blouse, however, unless you looked inside the blouse you could not see the size of the blouse. Jill thinks the blouse she saw yesterday was purchased and this was another blouse. So she called me and I told her that the blouse she originally saw is different from the one she saw today and no the lady does not think you are a size 12 and that the lady just saw the blouse was tiny.
Women and their
By: voterperson | 22-08-2008
STORY: QUESTION I AM ASKING AFTER YOU READ THE STORY IS WHY would SANDY (a chunky girl ) tell MARY (a thin girl who is always told by strangers, relatives, friends she is thin/skinny, looks like a size 4) that Sandy thinks Mary is average and size 8,then pauses and adds in size 10. MARY (who is THE friend I am asking about) IS UPSET AS TO WHY SANDY WOULD SAY WHAT SHE SAID WHEN EVERYONE IS ALWAYS TELLING MARY SHE IS THIN/SKINNY AND SINGLE DIGIT SIZE. HERE IS THE STORY: Mary (very thin) and Sandy (chunky)met in the hallway, Mary told Sandy she got a parking spot right across the street. Sandy said to Mary Exercise. And the reason Sandy said she mentioned exercise because she is concerned about her heart. Mary decided to ask; Sandy do you think I am thin; As Sandy was putting stuff away Sandy replied to Mary; You are average, size 8 paused and added size 10;Mary left and went back to her desk. Four co-workers saw Mary and asked Mary what was wrong Mary told them the story. Her co-workers said to her; Mary you are thin/skinny and cannot be more than a size 4, and not more than 110 pounds. Then Mary said; So why did Sandy say average and size 10 if everyone sees me as skinny/thin size 4;They replied; Sandy is jealous; Do you agree/concur with Marys friends? Here are some things her co-workers and friends said after Sandys remark: Audrey: Mary you are so skinny Billy: Mary you are thin. Jill: No wonder Mary you are so skinny Tom: Mary you cannot weigh more than 100lbs Yvette: Thin I want to feel you Mary Sara: Mary you are thin Petunia: Thin not just saying that you Mary are thin - cannot weigh more than 90lbs Doris: How do you Mary stay so thin and you have to be a size 4; Joanne: Mary you are so thin Leslie: Mary is a thin person Helen: How skinny do you Mary want to be Arlene: He is a big man, however, you Mary I can push Iola: Mary you are very thin
STORY: MY QUESTION: after you read the story: DO you agree with Susan that all Kerry is saying is that Patti is thin with shape STORY: The two players are Kerry and Patti. Kerry and Patti who were having a conversation about many things and then all of a sudden the following happened. Kerry said: Patti I think you are a size 5/6 in clothing, even the temp that works for me said you have to be a 5/6 in clothing. Patti didn't say anything. Kerry said; you have hips, but they are NOT big. Look at my hips, my hips are big yours are not; Patti just listened and didn't say anything.. At 5:00PM as Kerri ,Patti and Susan walked to their cars together Kerry told Patti again that Patti looks like a 5/6 in clothing. Patti asked Susan (a person who witnessed the conversation) Does Kerry think I have big hips; Susan replied; No Kerry does not. Kerry even told you that she doesn't think you have big hips. All Kerry is saying is you are thin with shape. "
STORY: MY QUESTION after you read the story: Did I give the right answer? : My friend Peggy was out sick for two days in a row with food poisoning. When Peggy came back to work she met Tania by the ladies room at 9AM. Tania said; girl you are skinny, you lost weight. Peggy thought Tania was implying that Tania never thought Peggy was skinny before her two day illness (everyone is always telling Peggy she is skinny - all of her). Anyway around 3PM Peggy was in Tanias office and Peggy asked Tania did Tania think that Peggy still looked sick and does Tania think Peggy look pale. Tania said Peggy you do look pale. Then Peggy said to Tania did Tania think Peggy looks drawn like Tania told Peggy earlier. And Tania said she didnt say that. What Tania said she said was that Peggys face looked like it lost weight and when one isnt smiling and one looks pale their face looks thinner. That night Peggy called me on the telephone and told me the story and asked me was Tania implying that she never thought Peggy was skinny before her two day illness. And I told Peggy that Tania wasnt saying that at all, all Tania said was that Peggys face looked skinnier.
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Why do we fidget/fiddle with things? Is there a psychological explanation?
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