Learn About Anger Management For Better Wellness

Anger management is a learned skill, so it is more common in youngsters and teens, who have not learned good coping skills to deal with their anger. Should you feel you are at risk of losing your temper in a way that could harm you, or others, you should always seek professional help. Ask your parents, pastor, physician, school counselor, or a trusted, responsible friend for help.

Whether it is road rage, a provoked emotional outpouring of anger, or losing your temper over something silly, every one of us have lost our tempers at one time or another. Anger management only becomes an issue when we are no longer able to control our anger, and have destructive outbursts. A destructive outburst does not necessarily mean that you have broken something, or physically hurt someone, as a manifestation of your anger, it just means that, because of your inability to control your angry responses to a real or perceived stimulus, you have done something harmful to someone, something, or even to yourself.

When your anger controls you, you may feel you are at the mercy of something that you can not control. Anger can cause you to do things you normally would never do, and even things you could regret for the rest of your life. Anger can even affect your physical well-being in more ways than one. Studies have shown that anger causes your heart rate and blood pressure to rise. Hormones, like adrenaline and noradrenaline, also rise when you are angry. Anger can push you backwards emotionally, into the cave men era, when the fight or flight response was the only way to stay alive in an uncivilized world, so not only does uncontrolled anger effect your life in the areas of your personal relationships with others, it effects you physically as well.

In order to develop good anger management techniques, you must first understand what provokes anger, and the bodys natural response to anger. Anger is precipitated by the bodys natural chemical responses to increased physical arousal, emotions, and accompanying behaviors, that result when a person feels threatened, or perceives a threat or loss. The threat does not necessarily have to be a threat of personal, physical harm. It can be a threat to their self-esteem, when they believe their feelings are challenged or discounted by another.

The body naturally responds to any perceived threat by producing adrenalin to prepare for "fight or flight." How a particular person responds to these threats is due, in large, to how they have been conditioned as a child or learned later in life, whether with good anger management techniques or negative ones. Many abuse victims are conditioned to respond violently, and learn verbal, mental, or physically abusive behaviors from others, and never develop positive anger management techniques.

Every person alive has triggers that set off their anger. Here are the most common reasons people become angry:

- A threat to their values (disagreeing with something someone is doing, such as kicking a dog, or not following the rules)
- When someone insists they do something they don't want to do
- When someone hurts or betrays them, and they feel a loss of trust
- When they attempt to escape guilty feelings over something they do not want to feel or admit to themselves
- When they believe their feelings are discounted, and their sense of self esteem is compromised
- When expectations are not met (realistic, or unrealistic expectations) and they don't get their way

School shootings, physical violence among families, friends, associates, and loved ones, are proof and manifestations of the fact that poor anger management is on the rise. Whether you blame the increase in anger related crimes, such as assault, murder, rape, physical and emotional abuse, on a lack of parental supervision, violence in video games or television, or other causes, the manifestations of poor anger management are becoming more and more commonplace, and increasing numbers of people are seeking professional help to gain control of the destructive effects of poor anger management.

Both internal and external events can cause anger. Anger can be directed at a specific person (a friend, teacher, or parent) an event (academic challenges, loss of a loved one) or by frustration or worry over personal problems. There are many common causes for anger in school. Young people are easily frustrated and become angry when faced with difficult challenges. It is hard not to get angry when you feel you do not fit in, do not understand an assignment or project, when you fail a test, or fail to reach a goal. Frustration can lead to anger. Many students get angry at their parents or teachers, because they don't feel the rules are fair. Sometimes anger occurs, without even knowing exactly why you are angry. There are times it cannot be controlled and this is when we should seek help.

The worst thing you can do is deny your anger. While you want to learn to manage your anger, so that your anger does not cause you to do harmful things to yourself or others, when you hold your feelings inside, they can lead to an explosion, and the only way to prevent that, is to learn good anger management techniques.

Mature people try to practice positive ways to deal with their anger in an argument. One positive way to deal with anger against loved ones is to make a contract that they can leave during a fight, whenever they feel that they might lose control. Just go to a private place for time out. In private they do damage control techniques like waiting out the initial rush of the anger, and trying to think from the other persons viewpoint, to bring their anger level down and then return to deal with the problem.

Accepting that you have an anger prone personality and recognizing the need to actively work toward anger management in order to live a happier life, makes the difference in managing anger successfully. A commitment to study and take parenting classes to seek more effective ways of disciplining their children, taking anger management classes, and participating in couples counseling, helps to learn better ways of being with the people they work and live with.

Some people with high degrees of frustration keep tabs on themselves and work at diffusing their anger responses. They will use positive anger management methods; because their conscience tells them that their outbursts hurt others. Some people recognize that they are acting out angry responses they learned from their own parents, and sending that legacy down to their own children. Some get help because their partner gives them the ultimatum of threatening to leave them if they do not get help. A few get help only after they lose their spouse and families, but sadly, some never learn anger management methods that could save their families, if not their own lives.