Please Dont Just Pull Your Hair Out

My Dad is bald, my brother is bald, both my granddads were bald and both my great granddads were bald. Even my Grandma went bald. Generations upon generations of my family are and have been bald. The future for my thick mop of hair appears bleak. So what am I doing to prepare for the inevitable?

Here are 15 methods of coping with hair loss none of which are original and all of which are in the opinion of this author completely useless. What worries me is that these are all genuine pieces of advice that Ive found on the internet.

1) Triumph bald heroes - everyman cartoon hero homer Simpson, movie star Bruce Willis and football referee Pierluigi Collina are all pretty cool. Try convincing your mates. Be sure to avoid less cool examples - Dr Evil, Sean Connery and Britney Spears.

2) Champion bald myths, apparently there is only a tiny grain of truth in the myth that bald men are more virile because they have more of the male sex hormone testosterone.

3) Shave your head, accept the inevitable and avoid employing that nasty comb over.

4) Dont wear a hat. The science says it suffocates the pores from breathing properly and pulls out hairs.

5) Try miracle cures - Queen Victoria drank silver birch wine made from sap because she believed it would cure her baldness. The Greek doctor Hippocrates favoured pigeon droppings. Egyptians applied chopped lettuce patches to bald spots. All completely useless but cheaper than hair replacement surgery

6) Avoid stress. stress is considered to be a contributing factor to Trichotillomania. TTM is an impulse disorder that causes people to pull out the hair from their scalp, eyelashes, eyebrows, or other parts of the body.

7) Be less manly, testosterone when converted to the hormone dihydrotestosterone (DHT) causes hair follicles to shrink. Spend more time washing up and try discussing your feelings.

8) Have more sex, it wont help your hair grow but its good for you and it will make you feel better.

9) Think less, it is a popular myth that baldness is a sign of an overactive brain. Absolute nonsense of course but why take the risk?

10) Take some drugs - Minoxidil is a lotion that you rub on your scalp every day. It works best on younger people with early hair loss. Apparently 15% of those who use it will experience hair re-growth. A big disadvantage is that you have to carry on using Minoxidil indefinitely or the new hair will fall out.

11) Have surgery. Hair transplant surgery offers the possibility of a longer-term solution to your hair loss problem. In the UK most hair surgeons use grafts, which involves transferring skin from the hair-bearing area at the back of the head to the bald parts at the front.

Hair grafts work because the section of skin transferred retains its own characteristics (i.e. hair grows) rather than acquiring those of the place it is transferred to (where hair does not grow).

12) Learn to spell Alopecia, it won't stop you being bald but it sounds a lot more romantic to say you suffer from alopecia.

13) Rub your head- massage can help stimulate hair follicles.

14) Become a eunuch. It was observed that eunuchs never became bald. This is probably because, being castrated, they didn't produce very much testosterone.

15) Go and see your doctor. Always see your doctor before you try any treatment he may be able to refer you to a reputable hair loss clinic.