Surf and Turf: the Race Track

Surf and Turf: The Race Track

One of the favorite places for The G to hang out at, especially in Summertime, is the Race Track. In fact, The Kentucky Derby is the official Start of Summer on the G Manifesto Calendar. And Summer time officially ends on Closing Day. September 6th at The Del Mar Thoroughbred Club on the West Coast and September 4th at The Saratoga Race Track on the East Coast. Depends obviously on where you’re at (or where your going).

Winning at Gambling is very difficult at the race track. To paraphrase Andy Beyer, who has called horseracing “the greatest mathematical equation ever created” the odds are solidly against you. Good gamblers, Even great gamblers that win at other games get whacked at the Track. Me? I don’t gamble on horses too much. I operate on inside information, or have a jockey, or preferably jockeys in my back pocket. I also spend of a lot of time with the racing and sportsman set. This helps me get the edge I need. But mostly I go to the Race Track for the experience. Much like a Fight Night, the track is full of interesting characters. Big Money Horse owners, Jockeys, Trainers, Gold Diggers, Socialite Girls, Professional Team sports Coaches, Old Money, Nuevo Riche Jerks, Con Men, Models, Hollywood Actress Broads, Nightlife Princesses, Old-School G’s, G’s, G’s on the Rise, Prototype G’s, Gamblers, its like a modern day Damon Runyon Story. (Guess who is playing the role of the protagonist?)

However, you can’t just go to the racetrack with no preparation and game plan or you’re going to be outgunned. Like stepping into a gun fight with a deuce deuce against a four pound. It’s a war zone. You need to go stronger than ever, money longer than ever, longer Beretta. (And just so you know, personally, I am at war a lot like Anwar Sadat, no warning shot and my guns warm a lot)

Be well rested

Going into the racetrack you are going to need plenty of energy. Its summer time so it’s hot out. The track usually starts around 12 noon or sometimes 4pm. Either way you are in for a long day into the night, and you have to be ready for the night. I love going to the track during the week, because that’s when the real gamblers are there. I also love going to the track on Friday and Saturday, hell, even Sunday, Tuesday, Wednesday and Thursday (never Mondays, I never eat seafood on a Monday, unless of course I am at Le Bernardin in NYC….props to Eric Ripert). Being well rested is difficult especially when you spent the night before getting massages and drinking Champagne with two exotic dancers till 5 am. So you might need to take a Vampire Nap or drink a Rockstar. Getting a workout and Entering The Dragon can also help take the place of lost Rapid Eye Movement. The best thing to do is hold off on booze when you first get to the track and really ease into the relaxed Atmosphere. Then ease into the Goose and Sodas, and I guarantee you, when you start seeing the summer dresses and smell the Coca butter and perfume you will start feeling wonderful. Plenty of time to get into the Seventh Dimension. The Race Track is one of the few places you will actually see me drink during the day.

Track Gear

You have to dress fresh at the track. My goal is to always dress the freshest. I can’t remember the last time I didn’t achieve my goal. And I have a great memory. You can never go wrong going old-school style: Seersucker Suits, Spectator shoes, etc. Make sure you wear a light colored suit as well. You’ll look like you only own one suit if you go in a dark collared one, which is probably the case if you are wearing a dark collared suit on a hot summer day. So stop being cheap and spring $2000 for a decent light colored summer track suit. Me? I have like 20 (on each coast). I like going with a light tan Valentino two button with Lavender Shirt (and I am not talking about that Nightlife Princess Lavender either), purple Brioni pocket square, Gucci Belt and Prada loafers no socks, Sportsman Style. It is also completely acceptable to wear sport coats and Slacks to the track. Just make sure they are top-notch. Ties can work, but due to the heat, it is advisable to go no tie. The Pocket Square is the New Tie.

Turf Club

You have to gain entry into the private area of the Race Track. The Sky boxes are good but entry into the Private Turf Club is really what you want. Why? Because drinking cocktails out of plastic cups in General Population has never done any G any good. Also the girls are richer, the girls are hotter, its easier to place bets, and as Willie Sutton said,” Because that’s where the Money is”. How do you get entry? For members it’s easy. Other wise, you are going to have to be creative. (We will cover entry into private clubs and nightclubs in a future G Manifesto, for now refer to The Art of The Grease). Once you’re in, get the Matre’d on lock and the Bartenders. This will make your life easy. For me it’s real easy because these types of private clubs are like Bases of Operations for me.

Winning every Race

Once your settled in, got your table, ordered a Shrimp Cocktail or set up your Base at the bar its time to “win” some Races. Now, unless you “know” what is going to happen during the race (as I often do) you WILL lose if you bet. So the key to the track is you must pretend like your “winning” every race. Everyone likes a winner. Girls will gravitate over to you, Socialite girls will leave there boyfriends to hang out with you, the Gold Diggers and Table Hawks will start circling and you will get Biz opportunities and Biz Cards up the Kazoo. The advantage you have is most people bet and lose and when people ask them how they are doing, they say, “Losing”, or “I am getting killed!” or something along those lines (and I don’t mean Beeks either). Now when a fly girl just talked to that “loosing” guy, and then comes up to you and asks how your doing, and you say “that last race worked out really well” or “that race set up perfectly, but I studied the race all morning” who do you think she is going to want to hang out with more? Also when the race is running, Yell and cheer (keep it smooth though), but don’t make mention of which horse you are pulling for. When the come down the wire, increase your cheering. As the horses approach the finish line Yell something to your Running Partner like “I told you!” And even thrown in some high-fives to make it all look authentic. You will be able to feel the eyes of girls on you from all over. Similar to marketing. Now spark up a smoke. Take a sip for an elegant high, be one hell of a guy, fly pelican fly.

Know the Ecosystem

The great part about the racetrack is you get a diverse portfolio of girls. Hollywood Actress girls love the Track. So do Model Girls. So do Gold Diggers and Table Hawks. And Rich Daughters. We will deal with how to deal with these different girls at a later date. For now refer to The Six Elements of Picking up Girls.

Do your legwork

Know the after gigs. It’s important to get multiple pitches out to girls during the track to hook up things for later. Know the resorts, the restaurant owners, who are hosting the Mansion Parties and the bartenders. Its summertime, remember, and bars tend to get busy. Every second counts, and you don’t want to waste precious time waiting for drinks. Get the waitresses on lock down also. These girls can really bail you out by putting together a private chilling area for you and a Running Partner and a couple of fly Diggers. Having a top chef come by and shake your hand and order something for you “off-menu” never made anyone look bad either. If the move gets no reaction from the girl, call her a cab to take back to her crib in the trailer park/ suburbs.

Work in Pairs

The G Manifesto usually advocates working dolo, unless you are rolling with a G Manifesto Certified Running Partner. Then it’s good to go Scarface with Manolo. The Race Track is a good place to roll with Running Partner. Girls often are in bigger groups and it’s good to have some extra muscle to deal with rival crews and Haters. And like anywhere these days, there is no lack of Haters at the Track.

“I knew it!”

In closing, here is a great custom move to use on girls at the track (and I have used this move so many times with success, I don’t mind giving it up): Spot two fly socialite girls like a Cheetah. Have your running partner roll over to them (suited down of course) and sprack up a conversation. Doesn’t really matter, could be about anything, just be charming, witty, and hold there attention. Next you “roll up” on them like sleeves, ignore the girls and say to your running Partner “Remember we have ten Grand riding on this race” right before the announcer says “And there off!” Follow the Race and ignore the girls completely. This is very important. Become a little more animated as the horses are coming down the final stretch, remember, and don’t specify which horse or horses you are pulling for. As the horses come Thru the Wire (and I don’t mean that Kanye track with that dope Chaka Kahn sample, Through The Fire), say “I knew it!” and give your running partner a Pound. Maybe throw something else in there like “I told you….that’s three races in a row now!” Girls will already be completely sold on you. If you want to torture them, wait for them to introduce themselves. If you don’t want to punish them too much, Introduce yourself, and invite them for a drink at the bar. Ignore all questions about which horses you had or who you have on the next race, or greet there questions with your index finger up to your lips, like you would “shhhhh”. No need to make the sound. Invite them to your table at the finish line. The Rest is Up To You…………

Email of the Week in regards to Nightlife Princesses:

“I thought you got busted Mr. Portfirio, I was sick to my stomach and having panic attacks thinking you were in the clink, or are you? Anyways I have become quite the G thanks to your Manifesto’s, and when my new Razor PDF vibrated in my new Bironi Custom made suit with your latest blog in Vegas last night (all of this thanks to a heist in Scottsdale that netted me 450K and left 4 dead, but that’s neither here nor there) I quickly located the local “Vegas Nightlife Princess” at the most upscale underground night club in all of Sin City. I simply said “Jack Pot”!!!!!!!!

Needless to say I followed your tips, and had her back in my suite at 6 AM doing things to her that even a farm animal would scowl at. She limped out of my room 20 minutes ago. Thanks for the tips and tricks, keep them coming and should we ever cross path beware that you created primp up and coming mutha fucking G!!!!!”

-----Not sure about the whole farm animal thing. I don’t really know too much about farms. I stick to cities, beaches and cities on Beaches. Sounds like a decent score, too bad you had to go to Scotsdale to do it, but next time make it more clean, dead bodies can cause unnecessary Heat (and I don’t mean that crappy NightClub called Heat either). All in all, good work.-----MPM

Side Note:

Immortal Technique from Harlem, Washington Heights is probably the Rawest MC right now. Bone Chilling. You should look into it.

Side Note II:

Opening Day at the Track is the worst time to go to the track. Ask any dork when they like to go to the Track and they will say, “Opening Day!” Enough Said.

Side Note III:

When you are at The Del Mar Thoroughbred Club, do not, and I repeat, do not go to Pacific Beach afterwards. Pacific Beach is one the greatest hoaxes ever put on the straight male. The bars in Pacific Beach have more guys than gay bars. The funny thing about it all the guys that go to Pacific Beach are homophobic. But maybe it makes sense; you know what they say about homophobic people……

Side Note III:

In the most recent issue of Los Angeles Magazine in a pro-smoking article about The Tinder Box, one patron is quoted as saying “Hitler was a non-smoker and Einstein smoked a pipe….what does that tell you?” Sound familiar? Probably does, because you already read the concept in The G Manifestos earlier installment, The Smoking Gun. That’s ok, I borrow from people also.

Michael Porfirio Mason

AKA The Peoples Champ

AKA The Murder Machine

AKA The One you Got Your Game Style From

AKA You Probably know me from Your Girl

AKA The One your Girl was with When She Never Came Home

AKA The One Who Climbs up the Balcony with The Sunglasses and The Shotty

AKA The Don Juan Beside The Don

The Guide to Getting More out of Life

http://www.thegmanifesto.com

(Want to see something in The G Manifesto? Send suggestions to thegmanifesto@yahoo.com)