Barbara Beccari M.Ed, is co-author of a beautiful children’s picture book about respectful relationships. Barbara is co-founder of parentSCOPE, a parent-coaching business acknowledged for its innovation. parentSCOPE supports parents to have loving and close relationships with their children, from babies to teens. Check out http://www.parentscope.com.au to find out more.
Parent-coaching is about asking questions so that parents make up their own minds about how they would like to “be” with their children. So here are some great coaching questions to ask yourself for the coming year to help you stay closely connected to your children.
How would you like your relationship with your children to be by the end of 2009? What changes do you need to make (if any) to get there?
Here are some questions and ideas to consider.
How can you show your children or teens more respect this year? When we respect our children we are modelling what we want to see from them. Think about the ways you show them respect now. What else could you try or do more of so that they really know that you value them for who they are rather than what they do?
How well do you listen to your children? How well do you understand their point of view? Depending on their ages do you include them in conversations where their points of view are taken into account? This is a wonderful way to raise a child’s self esteem and encourage their decision making. Questions like “What do you think about that?” “What would you recommend?” allow us to hear our children’s voice and give them opportunity to share their opinions.
How do you show your children that you appreciate what they do? Do you tell them, give them the occasional treat, hug them, do them a favour or spend meaningful time with them? There are many ways we can show our appreciation to our children – what are your children’s favourites?
How do you support your children? In our busy world it is very easy for parents to rescue their children rather than support them. How often do you think “It is just easier if I do it myself!”? It is true that supporting our children to achieve something can possibly be more time consuming in the short term, but are we doing them a favour in the long run if we jump in and do things for them – things that they could be mastering themselves? Supporting our children to try new things and succeed at them is also another terrific way to boost self esteem!
What will you do in 2009 to encourage your children’s responsibility and independence? What chores do your children do now to contribute to family functioning? What can be added to their list of responsibilities this coming year? How will you support them to succeed at these new chores? Will you need to teach them some new skills – such as how to use the washing machine if you are going to ask your teen to do their own washing, or how to sort socks if that is going to be one of your three year old’s new tasks?
So take some time to consider your parenting goal for the coming year – the questions posed here may start you on your way. We often make New Year resolutions about work, fitness, diet etc all of which are important of course but setting a goal for our precious family relationships is something worth considering too.
What will your parenting goal be for 2009? Whatever you choose may it lead to a closer more loving connection between you and your children this year.
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