Dating as a Single Dad

It is hard enough to enter the dating scene as a single parent but for single dad's who are raising their kids alone it is even trickier. Unfortunately most of the advice and support out there is for single mothers since society is so used to mom's getting custody. But times are changing and more and more father's are getting at least joint if not soul custody of their children. Just because the legal system has changed doesn't mean that society, and dating, have caught up.

It's a sad fact that many women expect the men that they are dating to place them at the top of their priority lists, before work and family. That might be possible for the single guys and weekend parents but when you are an active single father your kids have to come first. Some guys try to juggle between girlfriends with Princess syndrome and their kids but in the end it just leads to hurt feelings. The first rule of being a single dad in the dating world is to be selective. It's better to wait around for a woman who appreciates and understands the primacy of your role as a father then to go through dozens of bad relationships with girls who don't get it. There are women out there who not only accept that being a Dad comes first to you, they also find it attractive. So where are these women at? The truth is that you are going to have to shift your hunting ground from bars and clubs, where the women tend to be younger and less mature, to places like coffee shops and book clubs. Don't be afraid to date single mothers, even though the fact you both have kids can make it complicated to schedule rendezvous and coordinate babysitters. It is worth it since you both have a dedication to family and share many of the same experiences. And don't rule out online dating sites. Getting to know somebody through emails and phone calls first can help you focus your limited time with people who have shown that they understand you and your situation.

Once a single father does find someone to start dating online they are trapped by the old rules of what men are expected to do in romantic relationships. Let's start with money. There are many single dads who are getting little, if any, child support from their exes and finances are tight. But the old rules about men paying for dates are still in play, even though the woman you are taking out might be making more then you. So instead of taking your date to dinner and a movie, which can easily reach a fifty to eighty bucks for both of you, look for things that are less expensive but more romantic. An afternoon picnic at a park for example. There are dozens of low cost exhibitions, fairs, and community events going on in your town every weekend and these make great places to take a date. Then there is the issue of sex. Guys are expected to make the first move to the bedroom which is hard when you have kids at your home, not to mention that you have to be home before midnight to pay the babysitter. You may feel like you are a teenager again having to make out in the back of cars and in parking lots because you can't go home. But you aren't sixteen anymore and you are old enough to be able to talk about the logistics of these issues with your girlfriend. If you aren't ready to talk about it then you guys probably aren't ready to be doing it.

So now that you have found the right woman through your online dating, you just need to introduce her to the kids. It is important that you do this delicately and without a of promises. Make it clear to the kids, and your lady, that she isn't coming in to be their Mother. This is important because they have already lost one full time mother, if the relationship fails and they lose another one it will be devastating. You are the primary caregiver and decision maker in these kids lives. If your girlfriend takes on the role of Mommy she may end up usurping that authority. You are a single father, emphasis on the word father. Anything getting in the way of that job needs to be eliminated from your life.