Death and Mourning

Jacques-Benigne Winslow, a Danish Anatomist, once remarked that “death is certain, since it is inevitable, but also uncertain, since its diagnosis is sometimes fallible”. Death features the dichotomy of our existence. Death refers to the end of life. Despite the worldwide recognition that all organisms- humans included must die, it is still very difficult to accept such fate.

Relatives are oftentimes caught unaware and unprepared of the death of their loved ones. The death of spouse is also one of the most difficult events to get over. In an instant, a person’s world changes indefinitely. Gone were the days when you have someone that supports, cares and shares you life. Suddenly, you are left alone to battle life’s many challenges.

Mourning follows the death of one’s spouse. This is the heartbreaking stage that you try to convince yourself that you can cope with the situation. Various cultures have particular protocol on mourning, nonetheless, in this article we will focus of the personal and emotional aspect of the experience.

The one left behind usually feels numbing pain right in the pit of their stomach moving to their chest, oftentimes they also have difficulty sleeping, eating, concentrating and making hard decisions. During this time, it would be very helpful if immediate family members would provide support to the widow.

Following the death of my husband, I was so appalled and shocked that I felt so numb. I do not know how I got through it. I was really devastated that I got sick. I also experienced difficulty accepting it in the start. I felt tremendously tired, drained that not one tear shed not until the day of his burial.

I kept hoping that any minute; I could still see him walking through the door. Finally, the day after his burial, I spent the whole time crying. I cried so much that my eyes become so swollen and I could barely keep it open. Somehow, that episode soothed my nerves. I felt that all the sorrow I was keeping within my heart was finally released.

Nonetheless, it took me years before I can say that I am really better. I still very much miss him, but now I find that I could already accept the truth of the matter. For those of you who have suffering and are struggling with the death of their spouse, here is a few tips I could give to help you out:

- Share your thoughts and feelings with a dear friend. Knowing that someone is there for you to listen, cry with will make you feel that life is still important.

- Try to eat right, get some sleep and exercise. You don’t want to feel too weak that you could not fulfill your responsibilities to your children. Avoid alcohol and smoking.

- Join your local support group. It helps to talk with people who are experiencing the same pain as you are. A comprehensive list of support groups is available in health institutions, church and local government agencies.

- Do not rush things. Do not make major changes immediately.

- Remember that your other family members are suffering too. Sometimes, we tend to focus on our own hardships that we forget that our in-laws, children are also grieving too.