How to Survive the "Almost" Empty Nest-Prepare

I walk through my quiet home on the way to the laundry room. Washing a small load of clothes, I carry the towels I folded earlier to the bathroom to put them under the sink. Music from the satellite TV is softly playing in the background. Going outside to sit on the front porch, I feel an odd mixture of peace, pain and boredom. I live in an “almost” empty nest.

What do I mean by that? Many articles and books have been written about the empty nest, that time in a parent’s life when the children have moved out. I realize though that I need help at the stage I am in, the “almost” empty nest. Some of you I am sure can relate.

For the past five years, my nest has been emptying. It started with my daughter graduating from high school. She received her degree through trade school in cosmetology. Simply moving from part time to full time at the beauty shop in which she worked, she lived at home. My son graduated three years later, living at home but working at Wal-Mart and attending college. Two years ago my daughter married and moved into her own home. This is my life with my home not quite empty.

My husband and I enjoyed this life at first, with the children’s independence and not being home often. We ate out more, had more alone time and less work. My daughter and I grew closer in our relationship after we stopped sharing a home. From talking with my friends, I realize this is not uncommon. Hopefully, my son and his father will experience the same thing when he moves out.

However, I will share things I am experiencing as I realize there are ways to prepare for this transition. Ways to not only survive but benefit from this time in your life. For the next two weeks in this series, we will discuss ways to prepare for the shift. What do I mean by shift? Don’t the children just grow up, move out and everything is wonderful?

From my experience, it is hard on the parents and the children, this growing up thing. I find myself constantly telling both my children, even the married one, that they can’t have it both ways. You either grow up or you are a child that needs some guidance. Now I know we can all point out forty year old adults that are living like this but it is not the best way.

Three suggestions to prepare for this time in the life of your family:

(1) Start “letting go” early mentally. There are stages allowing your child more independence physically, such as staying up later, spending the night away from home, driving and dating. Many times we permit the physical actions involved in growing older but we mentally hold on to “our little baby.” Over control leads to rebellion. Don’t think of your seventeen year old like they are twelve!

(2) Make sure an increase in independence is matched with an increase in responsibility. As our children grew older, we encouraged them to find part time jobs. They were given independence to drive and spend money coupled with the responsibility that goes with having a job.

 (3) Talk with other parents that are in the same stage of life that you are. Also talk to parents who have survived the transition. You can discuss ways you are coping and adjusting, sharing and receiving advice.

This stage in life where your teenagers are preparing to leave the nest is exciting for them and probably a little scary. You probably feel the same way. I know I did. Seeing a successful adjustment is gratifying, knowing we have prepared them for life. The best we can, that is. Next week we will continue talking about preparation, the adjustment from high school to life…