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The Talk - What She Needs to Know and When She Needs to Know it
Author: Dede Perkins  | Posted: 16-05-2008 | Comments: 0 | Views: 2 | Rating: (50)  (?) 
By:
Dede Perkins
The other night while watching a rerun of Full House, I heard my daughters and friends giggle.
"You tell her!"
"No, you!"
"Mom!" yelled my second grader. "They know something and won't tell me!"
"Jesse and Becky want a baby," says my fourth grader, a conspiratorial tone to her voice.
Ah.
I called my second grader into the living room.
"What do you want to know?"
Her eyes grew wide.
"Ah, nothing," she said as she turned to walk away.
"When you're ready, we can talk about it," I said.
When my oldest daughter turned nine, she began to complain of stomachaches. Her sunny personality hit the skids. She was her same old self one day, a moody mess the next.
At her yearly physical, I asked her pediatrician what was going on.
"The start of puberty," he replied.
My eyes flew open, and he laughed.
"Girls are developing earlier than ever," he said. "She's nine, you know."
Over the next few weeks, I thought about what he had said. There was no getting around it, it was time for "the talk."
For another few weeks, I talked to other mothers. Had they had "the talk" yet? If so, how did they broach the subject?
Some mothers bought books like It's Perfectly Normal, by Robie H. Harris or Changing Bodies, Changing Lives: A Book for Teens on Sex and Relationships, by Ruth Bell. They gave them to their daughters saying, "If you want to talk about any of this, just ask." Some read the books together. Some went at it cold turkey, one day just bringing up the topic.
I decided a combination of approaches would work best for us. I had already given my daughter The Care and Keeping of You, an American Girl book. She read it cover to cover. Sometimes I'd find her thumbing through the book before bed. We had already talked about hygiene and periods, bras and eating healthy. Now it was time to tell her about sex.
I knew some of her friends already knew about intercourse. Some had older sisters. Some had found out inadvertently. Some had asked outright. I thought my daughter's stomachaches might be linked to worrying about what she didn't know and what others did.
I bought It's Perfectly Normal, read it and put it away. I decided to talk first, offer the book as backup.
A few days later, as we drove home from a store, the two of us alone in the car, I said, "Since you're nine now, there's something we need to talk about. I know some of your friends already know about sex, and I don't want you to feel like they know something you don't."
I looked at my daughter and saw she was watching me, waiting for me to go on. I took a deep breath and began. I had always told my children that you tell God when you're ready to love and care for a baby and most times, in time, your wish will be answered. I now told my daughter the details for how you "tell God." I told my daughter how the male and female bodies fit together to start a baby. I told her that although it seems gross, when you love someone and you're ready to have a baby, it's a pleasurable and exciting experience. I told her not to tell her younger sisters as they weren't old enough yet. I think she liked that part best.
Amazingly enough, my daughter asked questions. I was so relieved the conversation was going well, I can't even remember the questions she asked. All I know is that she seemed glad to hear the truth, to understand, finally, how a baby is made.
So I urge you to think what approach will work best, and then get on with it. If your daughter isn't ready, tell her to ask you when she is. Offer one of the books and tell her she can read it when she's ready. Whether your daughter is relieved or embarrassed be glad you took the first step. Keeping open lines of honest communication during her adolescence is the key to sustaining your relationship and raising a confident, loving, resilient young woman.
As for my second grader, she still hasn't asked about what-they-won't-tell-her, although I figure she has a pretty good idea. In another year or two, I'll buy another book, take a deep breath, and tell her what she needs to know.
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Article Source: http://www.articlesbase.com/parenting-articles/the-talk-what-she-needs-to-know-and-when-she-needs-to-know-it-416602.html
About the Author:Dede Perkins writes on a number of subjects for a number of industries. She also runs a copywriting business, http://www.afewgoodwords.com and helps her clients increase sales by clarifying and communicating their marketing messages.
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Frequently Asked Questions
Can i get pregnant when on the pill and had unprotected sex?
By: kalista8 | 13-09-2008
im on birthcontrol. and had unprotected sex. but he pulled out. is there a big chance i could get pregnant?
Vitamin C Inducing Periods
By: Lex | 12-09-2008
I lost my virginity at 15 with the same guy I'm dating now. Since then, we have been abstinent, just trying to be safe. We just had our three year aniversary and broke our long time clean record. We were safe about it, but I have never taken birth control. We even checked the condom before and after and it seemed break-free and dry. I was supposed to have my period 3 days ago, however, but I have been stressing over this SO much, it could just be stress. I've always been very prone to stress and I haven't been able to stop thinking about it. I'm also never really perfectly on time with my period. However, the stress is driving me crazy. I've heard large doses of Vitamin C can induce periods. ( http://www.ehow.com/how_2161140_vitamin-c-bring-delayed-period.html )
Does anyone know this true?
Trying to conceive after having an abortion
By: DM | 11-09-2008
I want to fall pregnant again. Please help me. i had an abortion two monthss ago and I now wnat to fall pregnant again. I took birth control after doing "an abortion" than I regret and now my man wants us to try again. I am on day 2 perioods today (11/09/2008). Please help me
Can you get pregnant if you have unprotected sex ...
By: Megan | 05-09-2008
Can you get pregnant if you have unprotected sex during the beginning of your period, but take a birth control shot two days after?
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By: Yvonne | 03-09-2008
I need the name of the pill that can make fall pregnant.Please my husband he now thinks of leaving me brcause I can not concieve and he want a child,we tried and tried but I dont fall pregnant.And I am not taking the contracptives.PLEASE HELP.
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