As a cop's wife, parent, former foster parent, and teacher, I've got a story to tell. For over 20 years, I was a foster parent, and had 3 sons of my own. I have trained in the field of foster care, teaching parenting classes and curriculums to foster parents; taught the stages of grief with its affect on kids in care to social workers and clinicians, explained the concepts of separation and placement to social workers, legal staff and judges in the child care system, and during my spare time taught school and fostered over 250 children. Thankfully, they weren't all at home for dinner at the same time. My husband was in law enforcement for over 30 years and during the years of living on the cop beat, we have many tales from the badge. While foster parenting we faced challenges that make me wonder how we all made it. I hope my stories of parenting, teaching, and living in the land of odd will help you in your life. If you giggle or cry a bit along the way, then we have touched common ground. Together, we can make life better, for ourselves, and those around us.
Are you having difficulty with your children telling the truth? Are they lying frequently?
When kids lie, what is your reaction? That's the most important step to helping children tell you, as their parent, the truth.
Think about it: What do you do, when they tell the truth, and what do you do when they lie?
Truth. A powerful little word. A word and habit that will make or break their life. Their are some basic parenting habits that will help our children tell the truth. First, truth, should always be rewarded, when your children are young, and even sometimes when they're teens. Reinforcing a good choice helps us all repeat it when it's needed again. As a foster parent, I was challenged to help foster kids learn that lies didn't work. Most of the time, lying had kept them "safe" in their perception. Rewards for telling the truth, or as close as anyone could really come to it, was powerful. Reinforcing good choices made by kids is not bribing! Step out of that thought! While learning new behavior, positive rewards are necessary to help the behavior be repeated and to become a habit.
As an adult, we're seldom rewarded when we take risks and tell the truth. But, kids are not adults, and while they are developing the skill of truth-telling, they just dont' get the "feel good" feeling adults do when they make those hard choices. Kids benefit and gain strength when they get extra encouragement and a short discussion about how the truth is valued, even though the outcome of truth is not always pleasant. To strengthen their character in adulthood, parents must use all the tools of persuasion when they're young.
We all know adults who lie. Some lie when the truth is better. Some lie from sheer habit, some just like to embelish. Most of the time, lies are told because the person thinks the truth is going to hurt them or someone they care about. Telling the truth is a scary thing, frequently. See many articles about "When Kids Lie" and how we can put them on the path to truth at http://www.partnershipinparenting.com.
Parents, what do you do with the truth, when kids tell it?
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