Why choose an open adoption?

There has been a lot of discussion on whether open or closed adoptions are the best choice for prospective adoptive parents. Many adoptive parents are unaware of the differences between the two options and how their decision may affect their future family and personal life. Therefore, the first step in the adoption process is to understand what an open adoption is and why it may a better choice than a closed adoption.

An open adoption occurs when placing parents and adoptive parents meet in advance and create a relationship for the sake of the adopted child. Both sides exchange phone calls, visits, letters and contact information without requiring the adopting agency to bring them in contact prior to or after the placement of the child. In several cases, birth parents agree to pay periodic visits to their biological child and maintain contact with adoptive parents.

The main advantage of open adoptions for adopted children is the fact that both biological and adoptive parents are involved in the child’s life. Considering that adopted children always seek for their roots, an open adoption facilitates their efforts to find their biological parents. Knowing who these people are and understanding the real motive behind their decision to place their child for adoption helps adopted children to lead a more stable life and to enjoy the love of adoptive parents. With open adoptions, children do not have to wonder where they came from, who they took their characteristics from, how do their parents look like or why they are in a situation of adoption. Anytime, they can contact their biological parents and discuss with them their concerns, anxieties, and confusion.

When meeting birth parents, adopted children may relax their fears of getting abandoned from adoptive parents. In their mind, they always know that there are four people who love them regardless of the reasons that led biological parents to place them for adoption. Typically, the reasons for placing a child for adoption are related to financial difficulties, age, or even fear of being able to properly raise a child. However, as soon as adopted children realize that their biological parents did their best under given circumstances, they stop having emotional issues and they actually love to be loved by their biological parents. By coming to contact with birth parents, adopted children develop their identity and self-confidence and they get protected against feelings of abandonment that are often strong regardless of the love they enjoy from their adoptive family.

Apart from the advantages for adopted children, open adoptions have also advantages for the adoptive parents. Adoptive family is informed about the medical records of their adopted children and, to a certain extent, may anticipate any future medical symptoms that relate to genetic heritage. In this context, adoptive parents may develop better future family planning.

In addition, open adoptions help adoptive parents to overcome their fears about the birthmother who may change her mind and require her child back. By coming to contact with birth parents, adoptive families are aware of the intentions of the biological parents. In this context, communication between the two sides is the key to develop a great relationship that is helpful to the adopted child but also to the adoptive parents. In addition, open adoptions provide adoptive parents with a greater understanding about the adopted child’s history, genes, background and culture, which proves helpful when the child starts asking questions such as “Who am I?”, “Where do I come from?” and so on.

Birth families also benefit from open adoptions. By coming to contact with their biological child, birth parents reduce their feelings of guilt for placing the child for adoption. In many cases, biological parents become part of their child’s extended family and, in that way, they experience a sense of comfort for their child’s well-being. Seeing their child being raised in a loving household and being equipped with all the skills that they were unable to provide as birth parents is a really comforting feeling.

Adoptive parents should always have in mind that the open adoption experience varies for every family and for every adoption. The key to achieve all the potential advantages described above is good communication between all parties involved. Adoptive parents should put their fears of uncertainty aside and accept the presence of biological parents in their child’s life. On the other hand, biological parents should respect that adoptive parents are the ones who raise the adopted child and should not interfere in the upbringing process in order not to confuse the child. The more sincere the communication between adoptive and birth parents, the more likely is that both sides feel comfortable in the adoption process.