Words of Wisdom For New Parents - What Your Child Really Wants in a Home

When you welcome a new child into your family, it is an exciting time. Parents usually spend a great deal of resources - time and money - to prepare for the new family member.

As someone who has been parenting for over two decades and has watched my children grow from tiny babies to productive adults, I can understand that any helpful words of wisdom for new parents need to be about more than just which stroller to buy.

My children can tell you that it is not the toys or furniture or gadgets that got them to where they are today. It was the values in our home. Here are a few of the most important values that we used in our family.

- Stability.

Stability is a value that is in short supply these days. There was a time when families often lived in the same home for years and kids attended the same schools from start to finish. A community provided stability just by being there. Those days, for the most part, are gone.

We moved a few times when our kids were growing up and they had to learn to deal with those realities. A lot of that training was good for them, although difficult at the time. As parents, we learned that it was up to us to provide a home of stability for our kids because the externals in our lives were quite transient.

So we focused on making our marriage strong, so the kids could depend upon our relationship together. We focused on nourishing long term friendships so the kids would have stable adult relationships to relate to as they grew. We committed to choosing a church community we could be a part of for years and years. When the kids developed healthy friendships that supported our family values, we made sacrifices so that the kids could maintain those friendships as long as possible.

- Respect.

Cultivating respect in a home means cultivating long term benefits. Want to have teens that will listen to you someday? Develop a respectful homelife now.

Being respectful to your spouse and earning his or her respect in return is one of the best things you can do for your marriage, too. And the best thing you can do for your kids is to nurture your marriage.

Teach your kids how to earn respect. Listen to them and honor their opinions. Then be the leader in your home and make the decisions that will take the best care of your family, whatever sacrifices you need to make. When your kids see that you put your family above your own self interests, they will know they can trust you. And the respect will follow.

- Kindness.

Kids argue. Parents bicker. Being a part of a family means learning how to handle day-to-day conflicts and frustrations. The family is the training ground for being human.

Your kids WILL learn something in your family, the question is, WHAT will they learn? It's easy to be sloppy with relationships; it's more difficult to be intentional. Make it a priority in your household to practice random kindnesses. This will smooth out a lot of the daily angst that naturally arises in a family.

You can do simple games such as requiring that family members do two acts of kindness for every act of hurt, whether intentional or accidental. It gets people thinking in terms of being good to each other. It helps people think twice before they're careless with one another. It just works.

As you begin down the rewarding path of parenting, remember these words of wisdom for new parents. Focus on filling your home with stability, respect and kindness and watch your family flourish.