Pet Loss: Bereavement, Remembering, And Letting Go

"When I was a teenager, my dog Dora passed away after a venomous snake bit her. I could not believe it; one moment we were all asleep, and the next Dora was barking her lungs out and pawing at the ground, and the third moment she was dead. We could not bear to move her lifeless body out, but it had to be done. My dad buried her at our farm during the early morning hours. I have had many dogs after that, but none of them were quite as special as that one dog - I miss her even today." - Helena Evans.

The bond between humans and their pets is a special one. It cannot be explained, it has to be felt to be understood. Animals offer us a kind of companionship that we cannot get from other human beings: continuous camaraderie, silent support, unstinting devotion and complete control. Little wonder then that people love their pets and consider them to be members of the family. Many pet owners celebrate their pet's birthdays, anniversaries
and even carry their pictures in their wallet.

Love for our pets automatically turns into grief when they die. Like fellow humans, pets also leave a void in the lives of their owners. But, while it is natural to mourn the loss of a human, some may consider it strange if you mourn your animal companion. You may have had a routine with your pet - feeding him, taking him for walks, talking to him, fondling him or funny quirks and tricks. Whatever you did, your pet was always waiting at home for you, willing to accept you unconditionally and responding excitedly every time you went to him. When he suddenly disappears from the scene, it is natural for you to feel abandoned and a little lost - at least for a while.

People deal with grief in different ways. Ideally, you have to acknowledge and deal with your grief before you can move on. The grieving process is individual to every person; it may last for a few days in some cases, in others it may last months or even years.

Here are certain tips to help you deal with your loss:

1) Acknowledge your loss; accept it as a loss and do not try to shrug it off. Even if it's an animal you have lost, remember that it was an important relationship.

2) Give yourself time to grieve and if any one tells you that 'it's just a dog' or 'after all, it's only a cat' - tell them to find the deepest river and jump in it.

3) You may experience feelings of loss, pain or guilt. Share these feelings with people who can empathize.

4) Allow yourself some time to get over your grief.

Euthanasia and grief:
Grief often becomes laced with guilt and remorse if death occurred due to euthanasia. You know all the reasons, but you may still feel bitter pangs eating away at you. To help yourself get over such feelings, join a pet loss support group, or better yet, prepare a memorial for your pet. Writing down your feelings in a diary also helps.

Seniors and grief:
If you are a senior citizen living alone with your pet or dependent on him for anything, the loss is bound to hit you even harder. Seniors must try to handle their loss by interacting with other family members, joining a support group or even volunteering for social service.

Children and grief:
The loss of a beloved pet affects everyone in the family. It may be your child's first brush with death. If so, your child may experience natural feelings of guilt, anger, depression and fear. Do not try to protect your child by lying to him. Expressing your own sadness and reassuring the child will help him handle his grief in a positive manner.

Other pets and grief:
The loss of a pet may even cause your other pets to show signs and symptoms of grief. They may refuse to eat or drink or may become lethargic and dull. Or, they may just be affected by your emotional state and distress. Whatever the reasons, treat your other pets with tender loving care and patience.