The 800 Pound Gorilla in the Gay Marriage Debate

The secular clergy are at it again. This time in Iowa. Once again, they’ve handed down their edict: Same-sex marriage must be legally recognized – even though the people continue to say otherwise. The masses are simply too unenlightened and provincial to appreciate the fact that same-sex marriage has, of course, been written in the Constitution all along!  Legislators and voters, who naively believe that the government is of the people, by the people, and for the people, have been put in their place once again by secular clerics in black robes who hold the Constitution to their foreheads like the Great Karnak and make their pronouncement.

OK. Now that I’ve vented.

There is an aspect to the sex marriage discussion you don’t tend to see in legal briefs or oral argument or even in the media. It's the 800 pound gorilla in the room no one talks about. It’s time for some "straight talk" on the same-sex marriage issue. (The double-entendre wasn’t originally meant but it fits quite well.) The gay marriage debate is particularly difficult because the arguments arise from such different perspectives. The frustrating debate inevitably winds up in a comparison to incest. "If the only thing that matters is love, well then, what about a brother and sister who want to marry?"  This always infuriates the proponent of gay marriage who feels the question should not even be dignified with a response. This response is understandable since no one is born with a compelling urge to be romantic with only a family member. It’s not an orientation.

But here’s the thing that’s never really brought up – perhaps it’s too inflammatory or politically incorrect: For the typical straight person, the comparison is not that far off! Both are unthinkable. From all I can tell, there’s a natural wall that separates most of us from a romantic interest in members of our own sex, and it’s akin to the wall that separates us from family members. I base this brash assertion on my personal observation and experience and on conversations with friends. I don’t have any "study" to prove it, but I believe I speak for most heterosexuals. In any event, let me just speak for myself at this point. The notion of being physically intimate with another man is as repulsive and foreign to me as the idea of being sexual with a family member. It’s not that I’m just not interested in guys that way; it’s that the very idea creeps me out. It’s not a question of preferring vanilla ice cream to chocolate; it’s more like asking me if I prefer chocolate ice cream or some nasty concoction from the show "Fear Factor."

The homosexual community will tell you this is homophobia. It’s the result of intolerance and years of societal indoctrination. The straight community needs to be educated. School children should be taken to gay and lesbian weddings so that they grow up understanding the concept of homosexuality. Same-sex relationships must become more mainstream, hence the push for same-sex marriage. It’s understandable that gays have a different perspective since apparently for them no such wall exists.

Again I must speak for myself. I grew up in the sixties and I didn’t even know what a homosexual was until I was about 12. No one told me I should have a romantic interest in girls. Thankfully, I was raised in a normal environment with a mother and father, and I watched old movies and tv shows where men married women and lived happily ever after. My interest in the opposite sex came naturally, and I thank God that it did. I don’t envy anyone who discovers other tendencies growing up.

But here’s the point: I hold that my aversion to the notion of homosexuality is normal and healthy. I believe that wall is there for a reason. I wouldn’t want it any other way – for myself or for my kids. I believe it’s natural that there be a kind of fraternal bond between members of the same sex, that wouldn't be there if sexual attraction were in the mix, just as it’s natural that there be a certain mystery and tension between the sexes. In my life, this natural aversion has helped create a bond with male friends, teammates, relatives, co-workers, etc., who, as far as I can tell, have mostly shared my view that the concept of inter-gender romance is frankly kind of bizarre. All this sounds very harsh, but it’s an undeniable part of everyday life. You see it in movies like "I Now Pronounce You Chuck and Larry" where discomfort with the concept of homosexuality provides the whole basis for the comedic situation. The gay rights movement does its best the counter this natural view, and has been very successful in conditioning society to believe homosexuality is perfectly normal. It’s just like being left-handed.

There’s a big difference in being averse to the concept of homosexuality and being anti-gay. The "Chuck and Larry" movie provides a great illustration of this dichotomy – that you can be repelled personally by the idea of homosexuality and at the same time have compassion and tolerance for the gay individual. That’s been my experience and it’s what I’ve observed in most of my friends. I’ve had gay friends, clients and even close relatives. They know I treat them with respect and kindness, yet they also know their lifestyle is foreign and peculiar to me.

Virtually every friend I’ve ever had has had his own peculiarity and I’m sure I do as well. That’s how I see a gay individual. Homosexuality is something completely foreign and peculiar to me, but on the micro-level so what? I find it bizarre that anyone could drink buttermilk. We all have our personal idiosyncrasies. Today’s society is admirable in that the "live and let live" attitude is so prevalent. Acceptance and kind treatment of gay individuals is a good thing, but that doesn't mean society has to embrace homosexuality as a perfectly fine alternative to heterosexuality. And it certainly shouldn't be presented as such to school children, but that will necessarily be the case if same-sex marriage becomes a fixture in today's world.

The natural aversion to the concept of homosexuality is there for a reason. It’s normal and healthy. Heterosexuality is the normal and natural order of things and should be honored in society as the ideal. Something contrary to the nature of the majority of us should not be presented to school children as normal. Nowadays children understand at a much earlier age that some individuals are different in that regard, and that’s probably a good thing. But that doesn’t mean homosexuality should be celebrated and seen as mainstream. It goes without saying that bigotry is unacceptable, but it isn’t bigoted to have the view that heterosexuality is the norm and should hold a special place in society.

Opponents of Prop 8 in California told us the measure is "unfair and wrong." The truth is it may be unfair. It’s also unfair that homosexual couples can’t produce offspring and have posterity without outside assistance from the opposite sex. It’s unfair that some lifestyles tend to lead to more happiness and fulfillment than others. It’s unfair that a brother and sister (or brother and brother) can’t be married if they so desire. It’s unfair. But it’s not wrong.