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Are There Parts of yourself That You Don't Like?
Author: Mary DuParri  | Posted: 03-10-2008 | Comments: 0 | Views: 37 | Rating: (209)  (?) 
Are there parts of yourself that you do not like? Do you sometimes wish that you did not have an angry part or a shy part or some other part that gets in the way of you being who you want to be? Do you feel, at times, that you have been hijacked by your emotions or that you are reacting to things in extreme ways that do not reflect who you really are?
Most of us have parts like that. We have parts that may be triggered by circumstances, by other people or by issues from the past. We have parts that silence us though we say we want to be assertive. We have parts that help us stay unnoticed though we feel lonely. We have parts that push us so hard to work and be successful that we barely have time for fun. Or, parts that push so much toward fun that we have a hard time following through and being successful at work or school. We have parts of self that worry too much and get anxious, or parts that get angry or sad more often than we like. We have parts that cry too much, eat or drink too much or sleep too much.
Many of us try numerous ways to get rid of these negative parts of ourselves. We try ignoring them. We try distracting ourselves with positive thoughts or activities. We set personal goals and create steps to reach them. We get motivated and focused and decide that once and for all we are going to overcome our negative traits. And somehow, the traits keep coming back.
Do you wonder why, though we are smart and well intentioned, we cannot get rid of these negative parts of self? It is because the parts are trying to help us and they will not change until they are certain that we are okay. They are not trying to make us anxious or sad or fat. They are trying to protect us from harm or diminish some hurt. Trying to remove them is like trying to remove a SWAT team before the danger is past. They will not go away. So, instead of silencing or banishing these parts, what if we began to understand them? What if we tried to figure out the internal messages to see how they are trying to help? As parts of self are more understood by us, they take less extreme roles in our lives and begin to serve as internal advisors rather than hijacking our emotions and behavior.
Take a look at the following ways that a so-called negative part may be trying to help. Though these examples may not ring true for you, use the list as a springboard to examine your own parts of self, to ask how they are trying to help and to become more open to your own internal wisdom.
• A part of self that hates us to feel disappointed or rejected may tell us to wait until we are smarter, thinner, happier, or something-er to start really living.
• A part that thinks we do not play enough may make us procrastinate.
• A part that knows how bad failure feels wants us to avoid risks and big challenges.
• A part that does not want us to look stupid keeps us from asking for help.
• A part that fears our feelings can be overwhelming keeps us emotionally numb or confused.
• A part that does not want us to be selfish pleases others and puts our own needs on hold.
• A part that keeps us inside our comfort zone has witnessed first hand why it does not seem safe outside.
• A part that prevents us from making waves wants to protect us from other people’s reactions.
• A part that silences us does not want us to impose on others or seem like a bully.
• A part that keeps us from trying something new just does not want us to be hurt.
When we realize how these parts of self are trying to help, we become more accepting of them. We become like a collaborative team with our parts of self instead of either denying them or being overshadowed by them. So, the next time you find yourself being critical of one of your parts, take the opportunity to explore it from a position of curiosity and compassion and see what you begin to learn about yourself.
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Article Source: http://www.articlesbase.com/psychology-articles/are-there-parts-of-yourself-that-you-dont-like-588991.html
About the Author:Mary DuParri, MA, is a therapist with offices in Chesterfield and specializes in insight-oriented individual and couples counseling from an Internal Family Systems(SM) model. Mary can be reached here Good Therapy and also here Therapist Concord
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STORY ONE: Is Carlys mom saying that Carly was overweight before and now Carly is skinny or is Carly reading too much into this: STORY : Carly is THIN and A FEW DAYS AGO when Carly came home from work she changed into a tee-shirt but wore the same pants she wore to work. Carlys mom asked her as they sat down to eat if Carly lost weight, and Carly said no, but this upset Carly. Carly said to her mom that her mom always tells Carly she looks beautiful. Her mom said you do look beautiful but your pants look bigger. And she told Carly that Carly is skinny enough.?. (OK KEEP IN MIND THAT LAST WEEK WHEN CARLY AND HER MOM WENT TO VISIT CARLY?S AUNT IN ANOTHER STATE THEY TOOK THE BUS. (CARLYS AUNT GAVE A DESCRIPTION OF CARLY TO THE CAB DRIVER PICKING CARLY AND HER MOM UP AT THE BUS DEPOT BY SAYNG CARLY IS VERY SKINNY. 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KEEP IN MIND THE FOLLOWING:(1)RAMONA WAS WEARING A COATWHEN SHE CAME INTO THE STORE THAT DAY(2)LATER ON WHEN THECONVERSATION TOOK PLACE SHE WAS STANDING BEHIND A PARTITIONAND ALL THE CLERK COULD SEE WAS HER NECK AND FACE(3KEEPIN MIND EVERY ONE ALWAYS TELLS RAMONA SHE IS THIN/SKINNY ANDWEIGHS NO MORE THAN 110 POUNDS(4)THE CLERK ONLY SAW RAMONA ATOTAL OF FIVE TIMES SPREAD OUT OVER THE YEAR AND EVERY TIME HE SAW HER SHE WAS WEARING A COAT:(5)There are absolutely no cameras or mirrors STORY SIX: MY QUESTION after you read the story: Do you concur with Colettes friends that Josie only said; Well; in a hesitant voice was because Josie never saw Colette standing, Josie only saw Colette sitting so Josie never realized how thin Colette is. STORY: Colette (who is very thin) went to a coffee shop for lunch and a girl who is there was eating lunch with her brother. The girl who is mentally challenged saw Colette eating a bagel and cream cheese and said; You shouldnt eat that;. The brother explained that his sister just came from a nutrition lecture. Colette told a co-worker the story and said; Do I look fat; The co-worker said; Colette you are very thin.; Later on Colette went to make Xerox copies of a report. Colette was standing on one side of the Xerox machine and Josie on the other and all they could see of one another was from the waist up. Colette and Josie exchanged small talk and then Colette said; Josie do you think I am thin?; Josie hesitantly said; Well, and then decided not to wait to make copies. Colette finished making copies went back to her desk. Late afternoon Colette got up to do something and Josie ran over and said to Colette; I only saw you sitting down, my god you are thin.; Colette that night got together with a few friends and in passing told them what transpired between she and Josie and all Colettes friends said ;the only reason Josie said; Well; in a hesitant voice was because Josie never saw you (Colette) standing she (Josie) only saw you (Colette) sitting so she (Josie) never realized how thin you (Colette) are and she (Josie) even admitted when she (Josie) saw you (Colette) standing that you (Colette) are thin.; STORY SEVEN: MY QUESTION: after you read the story: Did I give Patricia the right answer. STORY: Today at work an elderly customer asked Patricia if she lost weight and Patricia told her no. The customer said that Patricias face looked like she lost weight, but maybe Patricia was tired. Then as they started to walk toward Patricias coworkers desk the elderly customer told Patricia that Patricia is so skinny. Patricia said to her that that Patricia was always skinny. The elderly customer replied you are like me you lose weight in face but gain in stomach. The stomach part bothered Patricia. Patricia said to the elderly customer that Patricia is skinny everywhere. The elderly customer told Patricia that Patricia is skinny every where. That the elderly customer does not want Patricia to get fat but Patricia should gain five pounds. The elderly customer said that the elderly customers stomach is big since the elderly customer retired. And that the elderly customer thinks Patricia is skinny every where and she said that even Patricias hands are tiny as well. Patricia called me and told me the story and I told her that all the woman is saying that it looked Patricia lost weight in the face and Patricia is skinny everywhere including Patricias stomach, but the elderly lady has a big stomach. STORY EIGHT: MY QUESTION after you read the story DO you agree with what we said to Lucy? STORY: My friend Lucy was sitting at the dining room table with her cousin Eileen. Eileen turned to Lucy and said: Lucy you are a size 8 in clothes and Lucy replied; Yes I am.? Eileen said: I thought you are a size 8 but I could not remember if you told me you are a size 8 or 10. The next day Lucy told me and few of our other friends what Eileen said and Lucy asked us does my cousin think I am higher than a size 8 and we told her that no that Eileen does not think that at all STORY NINE: MY QUESTION after you read the story do you agree with Jennifer?s friends? STORY: Lets say two people (Katie and Jennifer) worship in the same place. However, they really don?t come in contact with one another in the place of worship or any other place for that matter, but one day they meet in the parking lot in the shopping center in town. And Katie says (in a surprised voice) Jennifer you are so skinny. However, Jennifer is/was always skinny. And when Jennifer told her friends what Katy said her friends said to Jennifer: Katie never looked at you ever so that day in the parking lot she finally saw what you looked like and until that day she never realized how thin you areSTORY TEN: MY QUESTION after you read the story is do you agree with Mimis friends: STORY: Mimi is a size 6 but LOOKS SMALLER and she went to a flea market and a woman was trying to sell a pair of jeans. The woman turned to Mimi and said you are a size 10 ;my daughter is a size 10. That night when Mimi went home she told her friends what the vendor said and her friends said to her: the vendor just wants to sell her jeans, she would say the same thing to a size 2.STORY ELEVEN What I am trying to ask is: that Patricia is telling Betty look how can I think you have plumb legs when I have never, ever seen them and it was only a dream nothing more.Here is the story again: "I know that Betty is reading into it: KEEP IN MIND IT WAS PATRICIA THAT HAD THE DREAM, NOT BETTY. PATRICIA HAD THE DREAM ABOUT BETTY and a Rock group. MY QUESTION: Can Betty accept the fact that Patricia does not think Betty has plump legs and it was only a dream.? The two players are Patricia and Betty. Betty always wears long wide skirts. Patricia and Betty were having lunch. Patricia told Betty she had a dream about a rock band that she and Betty love. The dream was as follows: Patricia and Betty were on a double date with John and Steve (two of the male rock stars). Patricia was with John and Betty was with Steve. Steve said I only like girls with plump legs and Patricia replied Betty has plumb legs. END OF DREAM. This dream got Betty upset and she asked Patricia are you saying my legs are plump. Patricia said no I have never seen your legs. It was only a dream STORY:Sharon (age 52/SKINNY AND OBSESSED WITH WEIGHT) was in a place of worship with her mom (age 81) and Sharon's mom said to Sharon that woman's necklace is pretty. Sharon said mom it is ok all it is just a chain. Her mom said no it isn't there are diamonds. But Sharon said it is just a chain. Her mother replied; I never admire jewelry but her necklace is beautiful. This got Sharon upset because Sharon buys beautiful jewelry at a ninety nine cent store but looks like it came from Bloomingdales). Sharon got mad and said to her mom so you don't like my jewelry. Her mom said your jewelry is beautiful but you cannot compare it to the women?s necklace. Then Sharon said some nasty things outside of the place of worship to her mom . At home her mom said in a nasty voice today you came looking to place of worship like a skeleton, your neck is scrawny, . THEN UP at the house her mother came into Sharon's room and said in an angry tone you have the nerve to tell me to go to h*ll at place of worship. Your neck is scrawny, you have a fat rear end., you fat horse. Sharon then asked her mother about a half hour later when her came back into Sharon?s room to fight some more mom do you really think that about my rear end. Her mom replied in a angry nasty voice that she does because the mom is convinced Sharon meant all the nasty things Sharon said to her mom so her mom was not going to change her answers. 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Subconscious things women do that may indicate a lack of self-esteem/confidence to others, especially men?
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In your opinion, what are some of the main things that women often do that can turn a guy with healthy self-esteem away?I've been thinking on this a lot lately, and it seems that a guy (at least a guy who doesn't have terrible self-esteem himself) can sense right away when a woman doesn't carry a high opinion of herself, and this, to my knowledge is not usually a huge turn-on by any means.I've been thinking about things that I do, that I know many other women commonly do and how to stop subconsciously playing out these habits - for example, explaining too much in detail as if to protect myself with a disclaimer all of the time or explain why everything I do is valid to others, as well as saying "I'm sorry" often, even when it's not appropriate, or when it's not even anything to apologize for and doesn't even have anything to do with me.I know there are many other women who do the same things, a lot of them by virtue of being mistakenly raised according to our gender, and for me and others, due to having a Southern upbringing. I've read the articles saying things like women nod too much, and I'd say things like a woman twisting her hair might give off those signals.So... Guys (especially), women, anyone, I ask:"What are these everyday things you might notice or look for as a sign that a woman is not attractive to you because of the way she demonstrates her lack of self-esteem?" And/or, men, is this even an issue for you? I'd love to get any advice or personal stories you have on this topic.Thanks!
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